tired....
Its nearly 3am and I'm laying in bed... I just wish I could talk to her, ask questions, receive answers, get a clearer understanding... instead I have to either sit here in patient blindness or walk away.
Still the same, the words are different than the actions. I still dont understand why she wouldnt call me back on her birthday, how come she didnt want to hear me say happy birthday to her? She called me on my birthday and wished me happy birthday while crying. How would she feel if I just never answered her phone call all day? and then never called her back.
I feel as though she's trying to shut me out of her life, keep me as disconnected as possible. Keep me away from her life and her friends. Whether she shuts me out because she wants me out of her life, or whether she shuts me out because its too painful, I dont know.
In the past she's told me its because its too painful.... but either way, she's still pushing me away. Whatever her reason, the end result is still the same.
This tug of war on my emotions has left me feeling very sad and lonely. I need someone to cheer me up, someone to bring some happiness into my life. Someone who wants to make me smile everyday.
I'm just tired and I need some kind of ray of light at the end of the tunnel to keep my hopes up. If not, then the candle will slowly be snuffed out.
Still the same, the words are different than the actions. I still dont understand why she wouldnt call me back on her birthday, how come she didnt want to hear me say happy birthday to her? She called me on my birthday and wished me happy birthday while crying. How would she feel if I just never answered her phone call all day? and then never called her back.
I feel as though she's trying to shut me out of her life, keep me as disconnected as possible. Keep me away from her life and her friends. Whether she shuts me out because she wants me out of her life, or whether she shuts me out because its too painful, I dont know.
In the past she's told me its because its too painful.... but either way, she's still pushing me away. Whatever her reason, the end result is still the same.
This tug of war on my emotions has left me feeling very sad and lonely. I need someone to cheer me up, someone to bring some happiness into my life. Someone who wants to make me smile everyday.
I'm just tired and I need some kind of ray of light at the end of the tunnel to keep my hopes up. If not, then the candle will slowly be snuffed out.