emotions
Well, its been a while since I've updated. I really really hate my keyboard so I dont like to type much. Other than that its just been the same old shit in my life. Nothing new and nothing exciting really, my car broke down finally. Its gonna cost $2,000 to fix it so thats a bummer. Oh well, its in the shop and slowly getting fixed. I'm making payments to the mechanic so I get my car back when I'm done paying him. So soon enough I'll have my car back and I'll be mobile, until then I'm pretty much stuck at the house.
Today was an interesting day. I went to LA to go to a doctor with candice, my ex. She had an appointment with my old thyroid doctor so it was nothing too serious really, at least we hoped. So we went there and visited and turns out she's ok just needs to get back on some medication. The ride itself is what was interesting. This is the first time we've kicked it for that long since her and that guy she was seeing broke up. We talked and had fun for the most part. Turns out she's back with that guy again.. =0( that would explain why she's not really talking to me much anymore. I kinda figured really by her behavior the past couple weeks though. When I asked her and she confirmed that it made me really sad. Right then and there I just wanted her to drop me off in LA and just leave me. The thought of that asshole guy just makes me want to just go away somewhere and not come back.
Well, I finally got over that and just kinda forgot about it and moved on and tried to have a good time. We ended up having a great time together, being silly and just goofin off. It didnt help that I'm sick though, I felt like shit the whole time and feel even worse now. She made me feel alot better though so I know that helped. The thing that really sucks though now is that I had alot of fun with her, now you would think that would be a good thing. It was, but the problem is that I knew it was just for that moment and thats it. It was a wonderful time, I dont have that much fun with many people really and its been so lonely for me for a while now. So that little taste of being with someone and just having fun was really cool, but then she dropped me off and reality set in that I am alone, I go to the movies alone.....if I go, I go grocery shopping alone, I sleep alone. All my friends are busy doing something or have a significant other. It was just really special to see her and be with her, I wanted to give her a hug so bad but I didnt.
I just cant handle seeing her and hanging out with her. It reminds me of how wonderful it was to be with her and how much fun we had. We even talked about all sorts of things we would go do and how fun it was but thats where the convo ended. I dont understand.
My thoughts are too jumbled to think right now, I'm too sad and cant stop crying so this is pointless to write anymore. I just feel really sad and thats all I know. There is nothing more I can do about any of this. Maybe it is time to just move on and stop seeing her and thinking of her.
Who the fuck knows but I'm so tired of everything, I just want to disapear and not come back.
Today was an interesting day. I went to LA to go to a doctor with candice, my ex. She had an appointment with my old thyroid doctor so it was nothing too serious really, at least we hoped. So we went there and visited and turns out she's ok just needs to get back on some medication. The ride itself is what was interesting. This is the first time we've kicked it for that long since her and that guy she was seeing broke up. We talked and had fun for the most part. Turns out she's back with that guy again.. =0( that would explain why she's not really talking to me much anymore. I kinda figured really by her behavior the past couple weeks though. When I asked her and she confirmed that it made me really sad. Right then and there I just wanted her to drop me off in LA and just leave me. The thought of that asshole guy just makes me want to just go away somewhere and not come back.
Well, I finally got over that and just kinda forgot about it and moved on and tried to have a good time. We ended up having a great time together, being silly and just goofin off. It didnt help that I'm sick though, I felt like shit the whole time and feel even worse now. She made me feel alot better though so I know that helped. The thing that really sucks though now is that I had alot of fun with her, now you would think that would be a good thing. It was, but the problem is that I knew it was just for that moment and thats it. It was a wonderful time, I dont have that much fun with many people really and its been so lonely for me for a while now. So that little taste of being with someone and just having fun was really cool, but then she dropped me off and reality set in that I am alone, I go to the movies alone.....if I go, I go grocery shopping alone, I sleep alone. All my friends are busy doing something or have a significant other. It was just really special to see her and be with her, I wanted to give her a hug so bad but I didnt.
I just cant handle seeing her and hanging out with her. It reminds me of how wonderful it was to be with her and how much fun we had. We even talked about all sorts of things we would go do and how fun it was but thats where the convo ended. I dont understand.
My thoughts are too jumbled to think right now, I'm too sad and cant stop crying so this is pointless to write anymore. I just feel really sad and thats all I know. There is nothing more I can do about any of this. Maybe it is time to just move on and stop seeing her and thinking of her.
Who the fuck knows but I'm so tired of everything, I just want to disapear and not come back.