late night drives
Well, again here I am and I cant sleep. Its what, 5:15am right now.. fuck i hate my sleeping schedual right now, I just havnt been able to sleep really. Too many things on my mind and its all going too fast. Too many thoughts and ideas about all sorts of things, its like I cant get the ideas out fast enough. It become frustrating sometimes.
Well, tonight ended up being a very enjoyable evening. I was in somewhat of a sad mood since candice has been kinda back and forth with ignoring me. Tonight I thought, dammit.. I'm just gonna go to her house and tell her I'm there to get my pajamas back and then thats it. Well, instead she invited me in and we hung out. We watched alittle tv, ordered some pizza and sat around and talked. Talked about OC and how we both miss it. We talked about her getting her own place finally. Alittle nice one bedroom downtown, sounds like a nice place to me.
SHe made a funny comment to me tonight about asking if she could keep bear at her house...* as she giggles * and I'm like...whaaa?? I dunno about all that, I said. She thought bear wasnt aloud to stay here so she offered to take him but I explained that the owner of the house is cool with cats just not dogs. I told her though that if bear was at her house she better realize that I would be at her house all the time hangin with mah kittie. and she said..."oh well yea, thats fine with me." Well, that kinda threw me alittle. So shes obviously not opposed to the idea of me coming over and hanging out with her so thats cool.
We had a good time together tonight just hanging out, eating some dinner and well, I just enjoyed her company. So many thoughts went on in my head while sitting there with her. How pretty she looked sittin there in my old white zombie t-shirt that I've had for probably 6 years and my Calvin Klien pj's that she bought me. While we talked we both looked each other in the eye alot more than usual. I noticed it and got alittle uncomfortable for a minute but realized that hey, if she's gonna look me in the eye then I will to her. You can always see so much of someone through their eyes. So that was an extra cool thingt happened tonight, most of the time she doesnt look me in the eye for long but thats why this time was different and it felt nice.
I told her how I'm getting several grand soon for doing a couple websites and how I have to buy a new engine for my car with that money. I told her how my friend Trent let me ride his street bike recently and its got all my juices flowing so now I want another street bike. Well, thats when candice offered to sell me her car, or actually just take over the payments. Her payments are only $179 a month, I think I could definitly pull that one off. ( as she said ) that would free up that other money to put toward a motorcycle for myself. I thought that was really thoughtful of her.
It felt so good just to see her again and hang out and have a good time tallking about random things like cars, bikes, videogames and other things that interest us.
Now I know why I try not to see her or hang out with her very often. It reminds of what its like to be without her. I tell you what though, I had such a good time tonight and thats all that should matter. If it happens again then awesome but if not, at least I had that moment to see her and hang out. It really reminds me of why I've kept a picture of her in my car ever since before we broke up. Just her presences is a joy to me, its hard to explain but its something that her and I have always felt when we're together somewhere. Just each others company is so enjoyable.............. its really hard to explain. I guess its almost like seeing that old life long friend that you havnt seen in years and when you finally do meet again, its awkwrd at first. As time goes on though you realize who this person really is to you and everyone starts to come out of their shells. Then its almost back to being and acting like real friends. Everything just kinda clicks right back into place. I havnt experienced that really with anyone but my friend Chris in the past. All my other friends that I'm no longer friends with, its not like that at all. I dont speak to anyone much these days, especially old friends who I talk to rarely.
mmmmmmm...ambien..sleepy sleepy pills make boobz feel kinda slosheh. My brain is very cloudy as we speak so Im sure my sentence structuring is all fucked up. I will read this again in the morning just to see how coherant I am.
You know, its funny.....Disneyland is actually a really fun and wonderful place for me, magical you could even say. The beauty of children and all their qualities of honestly, curiosity, lack of fear.....its all so wonderful. Disneyland has all those things and encourages them among children. I was justsitting here listneing to some of Danny Elfmans music from the movie sleepy hollow. I really like that score!
When I think Disneyland I think Danny Elfmans wonderfully dark, melodic instrumentals while dark little puppets dance to their hearts content. It reminds me of my own goal of trying to achieve child like thinking along with adult based responsibility. I dont think any of us have to ever grow up! But for some reason most the world associates being a young person with being irrisponsible and always making mistakes, but not I. I think the good thing about most young people is their soft hearts, hearts that have not yet been jaded and fucked over by the mind controllers of todays society. The Media.
What Id really like to do is have just me and candice go to disneyland and go see the haunted mansion together. Spend a day just hanging out in a place where all fears are supposed to be gone, where everything is just one big happy playground, where magic can happen. A place where me and her can just disapear with each other and have a good time.
I would have to say that things arent going at all like I had hoped or planned but then again, nothing ever does it seems. But thats ok, things are good. Spending time with her makes things very good. I cant tell you how many times I've cried tonight but not becaue I was sad. I cried because I was just being overwhelmed with emotions. I missed her but I was exstatic to see her, I was sad to say good bye to her but theres the hope and anticipation of seeing her again.
I really hope I put her in as good of a mood as she puts me in.
I still need to get a new keyboard, this current one sucks my nuts man! My bad for laggin on gettin a new one, I jus dont wanna spend the money and go BACK into compUSA again.
Anyways, much more to talk about....specifically I might be getting a chance to showcase my artwork at a clothing boutiqu in downtown hollywood. If that happens that would be really amazing to me.
Well, thank goodness the pills are kickin in and its time for sleep.......right before the sun rises too!!! sweet!
g'morin......sweet dreams all.
Well, tonight ended up being a very enjoyable evening. I was in somewhat of a sad mood since candice has been kinda back and forth with ignoring me. Tonight I thought, dammit.. I'm just gonna go to her house and tell her I'm there to get my pajamas back and then thats it. Well, instead she invited me in and we hung out. We watched alittle tv, ordered some pizza and sat around and talked. Talked about OC and how we both miss it. We talked about her getting her own place finally. Alittle nice one bedroom downtown, sounds like a nice place to me.
SHe made a funny comment to me tonight about asking if she could keep bear at her house...* as she giggles * and I'm like...whaaa?? I dunno about all that, I said. She thought bear wasnt aloud to stay here so she offered to take him but I explained that the owner of the house is cool with cats just not dogs. I told her though that if bear was at her house she better realize that I would be at her house all the time hangin with mah kittie. and she said..."oh well yea, thats fine with me." Well, that kinda threw me alittle. So shes obviously not opposed to the idea of me coming over and hanging out with her so thats cool.
We had a good time together tonight just hanging out, eating some dinner and well, I just enjoyed her company. So many thoughts went on in my head while sitting there with her. How pretty she looked sittin there in my old white zombie t-shirt that I've had for probably 6 years and my Calvin Klien pj's that she bought me. While we talked we both looked each other in the eye alot more than usual. I noticed it and got alittle uncomfortable for a minute but realized that hey, if she's gonna look me in the eye then I will to her. You can always see so much of someone through their eyes. So that was an extra cool thingt happened tonight, most of the time she doesnt look me in the eye for long but thats why this time was different and it felt nice.
I told her how I'm getting several grand soon for doing a couple websites and how I have to buy a new engine for my car with that money. I told her how my friend Trent let me ride his street bike recently and its got all my juices flowing so now I want another street bike. Well, thats when candice offered to sell me her car, or actually just take over the payments. Her payments are only $179 a month, I think I could definitly pull that one off. ( as she said ) that would free up that other money to put toward a motorcycle for myself. I thought that was really thoughtful of her.
It felt so good just to see her again and hang out and have a good time tallking about random things like cars, bikes, videogames and other things that interest us.
Now I know why I try not to see her or hang out with her very often. It reminds of what its like to be without her. I tell you what though, I had such a good time tonight and thats all that should matter. If it happens again then awesome but if not, at least I had that moment to see her and hang out. It really reminds me of why I've kept a picture of her in my car ever since before we broke up. Just her presences is a joy to me, its hard to explain but its something that her and I have always felt when we're together somewhere. Just each others company is so enjoyable.............. its really hard to explain. I guess its almost like seeing that old life long friend that you havnt seen in years and when you finally do meet again, its awkwrd at first. As time goes on though you realize who this person really is to you and everyone starts to come out of their shells. Then its almost back to being and acting like real friends. Everything just kinda clicks right back into place. I havnt experienced that really with anyone but my friend Chris in the past. All my other friends that I'm no longer friends with, its not like that at all. I dont speak to anyone much these days, especially old friends who I talk to rarely.
mmmmmmm...ambien..sleepy sleepy pills make boobz feel kinda slosheh. My brain is very cloudy as we speak so Im sure my sentence structuring is all fucked up. I will read this again in the morning just to see how coherant I am.
You know, its funny.....Disneyland is actually a really fun and wonderful place for me, magical you could even say. The beauty of children and all their qualities of honestly, curiosity, lack of fear.....its all so wonderful. Disneyland has all those things and encourages them among children. I was justsitting here listneing to some of Danny Elfmans music from the movie sleepy hollow. I really like that score!
When I think Disneyland I think Danny Elfmans wonderfully dark, melodic instrumentals while dark little puppets dance to their hearts content. It reminds me of my own goal of trying to achieve child like thinking along with adult based responsibility. I dont think any of us have to ever grow up! But for some reason most the world associates being a young person with being irrisponsible and always making mistakes, but not I. I think the good thing about most young people is their soft hearts, hearts that have not yet been jaded and fucked over by the mind controllers of todays society. The Media.
What Id really like to do is have just me and candice go to disneyland and go see the haunted mansion together. Spend a day just hanging out in a place where all fears are supposed to be gone, where everything is just one big happy playground, where magic can happen. A place where me and her can just disapear with each other and have a good time.
I would have to say that things arent going at all like I had hoped or planned but then again, nothing ever does it seems. But thats ok, things are good. Spending time with her makes things very good. I cant tell you how many times I've cried tonight but not becaue I was sad. I cried because I was just being overwhelmed with emotions. I missed her but I was exstatic to see her, I was sad to say good bye to her but theres the hope and anticipation of seeing her again.
I really hope I put her in as good of a mood as she puts me in.
I still need to get a new keyboard, this current one sucks my nuts man! My bad for laggin on gettin a new one, I jus dont wanna spend the money and go BACK into compUSA again.
Anyways, much more to talk about....specifically I might be getting a chance to showcase my artwork at a clothing boutiqu in downtown hollywood. If that happens that would be really amazing to me.
Well, thank goodness the pills are kickin in and its time for sleep.......right before the sun rises too!!! sweet!
g'morin......sweet dreams all.