yeah...
This afternoon WAS lovely. Sara picked me up and we went to BCC to pick up her photography portfolio and a book for her summer class - except the college didn't have either. But at least I got a little tour of her college. It's actually really nice. It's even bigger than MCLA. Then we stopped at the mall to buy candles for her mom. Then I decided to go and pick up a few job applications and bought 2 new pairs of flip flops (pink and light blue) for 5 bucks at Old Navy. Then she treated me out to an french vanilla iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts and even bought my mom a coffee. That was nice of her! The only reason why I came home was because I was supposed to go out to eat with my dad and Brian.
You know, I don't want to get into this, but it makes me so upset. Time and time again. I had such a good day and then my dad makes me burst into tears. I mean so little to him, seriously. I can't tell you how many times I try talking to him and he treats me like I'm invisible. I just want to let go of everything he's done in the past and have a relationship with him, but he clearly doesn't care. I was trying to tell him I made honor roll and how I have a plus size modeling audition tomorrow (to make him proud), but he completely ignores me. So before he left I said, "Can you look at me!?!". He talks to my brother and does everything with him but treats my mom and I like shit. It hurts A LOT. I know deep down he cares about me, at least a little, but I also know that he is the most selfish person I have ever met. I hate that I have his bad temper. The last time my dad and I went out, just the two of us, was last year and that's only because my aunt made him. The whole time we were out at dinner he was staring at the waitress. Everything I was trying to tell him, he didn't pay attention to. He looked right past me. He's like, "oh, I didn't know that." I told him 2484 fucking times. He never listens. He'll never understand me. My father and I are strangers. We still have time. Ah, I hate writing about this stuff, but I need to vent.
I'm really happy with my life right now. But he will always make me a little sad.
I dream of another you,
one who would never leave me alone to pick up the pieces...
I don't know you, but I still want to.
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?
You know, I don't want to get into this, but it makes me so upset. Time and time again. I had such a good day and then my dad makes me burst into tears. I mean so little to him, seriously. I can't tell you how many times I try talking to him and he treats me like I'm invisible. I just want to let go of everything he's done in the past and have a relationship with him, but he clearly doesn't care. I was trying to tell him I made honor roll and how I have a plus size modeling audition tomorrow (to make him proud), but he completely ignores me. So before he left I said, "Can you look at me!?!". He talks to my brother and does everything with him but treats my mom and I like shit. It hurts A LOT. I know deep down he cares about me, at least a little, but I also know that he is the most selfish person I have ever met. I hate that I have his bad temper. The last time my dad and I went out, just the two of us, was last year and that's only because my aunt made him. The whole time we were out at dinner he was staring at the waitress. Everything I was trying to tell him, he didn't pay attention to. He looked right past me. He's like, "oh, I didn't know that." I told him 2484 fucking times. He never listens. He'll never understand me. My father and I are strangers. We still have time. Ah, I hate writing about this stuff, but I need to vent.
I'm really happy with my life right now. But he will always make me a little sad.
I dream of another you,
one who would never leave me alone to pick up the pieces...
I don't know you, but I still want to.
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?