(no subject)
I need sleep. Nothing I try has helped. Sleeping pills, working myself until I'm ready to collapse in exhaustion, hot baths, warm milk, dark rooms that are ice cold with lots of blankets and no noise, having Connor just hold me...nothing is working. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Everything is getting to me.
The other night I went into work and exploded at a customer and it was my fault. I was the one who kept screwing the guy's drink up. Rhia was pretty cool about it, considering she was wicked pissed that I'd come to work after being awake for so long. After I explained that I had been trying to sleep, she got real worried and made some kind of 'special' tea that was supposed to ensure I'd get some sleep. It didn't work. I laid down, but I kept tossing and turning and by the time Connor got home, I was wide awake and considering redecorating our bedroom.
There was no way I could go into classes today. I'm literally shaking and stuff from lack of sleep. I even swam laps, thinking that would help, but all I ended up with was sore muscles. Connor is really worried and keeps trying to find a way to calm me down and get me to relax, but nothing is working. I feel drugged from the sleeping pills I tried the other night. Earlier I was trying to make tea and ended up burning my hand, dropped the tea pot and made a huge mess. My nerves were so shot, that I was shaking and nearly crying because of a fucking broken tea pot. I have got to find a way to get some sleep. I can't take much more of this.
Taylor will be home from school around 430 because he had some after school activity he wanted to participate in. It's noon now and I need to either get a grip before he gets home or make Connor punch me so I can at least get coma sleep.
*walks out to check the mail, carried the mail into his office to open it there*
Package addressed to Dylan Carter? What the fuck? Perfect, no return address.
*uses the letter opener to unseal the package, pulls out the first photo, drops it quickly*
D-Dad? Who the hell would send me a picture of my father?
*closes his eyes for a moment, sees his father's demon face, the only face he remembered, looks back down at the human picture of Joshua Carter*
Connor, I think you need to come in here.
*reaches into package, pulling out the other photos, violently shakes as he looks at the crime scene photos from his family's massacre*
Oh God...
The other night I went into work and exploded at a customer and it was my fault. I was the one who kept screwing the guy's drink up. Rhia was pretty cool about it, considering she was wicked pissed that I'd come to work after being awake for so long. After I explained that I had been trying to sleep, she got real worried and made some kind of 'special' tea that was supposed to ensure I'd get some sleep. It didn't work. I laid down, but I kept tossing and turning and by the time Connor got home, I was wide awake and considering redecorating our bedroom.
There was no way I could go into classes today. I'm literally shaking and stuff from lack of sleep. I even swam laps, thinking that would help, but all I ended up with was sore muscles. Connor is really worried and keeps trying to find a way to calm me down and get me to relax, but nothing is working. I feel drugged from the sleeping pills I tried the other night. Earlier I was trying to make tea and ended up burning my hand, dropped the tea pot and made a huge mess. My nerves were so shot, that I was shaking and nearly crying because of a fucking broken tea pot. I have got to find a way to get some sleep. I can't take much more of this.
Taylor will be home from school around 430 because he had some after school activity he wanted to participate in. It's noon now and I need to either get a grip before he gets home or make Connor punch me so I can at least get coma sleep.
*walks out to check the mail, carried the mail into his office to open it there*
Package addressed to Dylan Carter? What the fuck? Perfect, no return address.
*uses the letter opener to unseal the package, pulls out the first photo, drops it quickly*
D-Dad? Who the hell would send me a picture of my father?
*closes his eyes for a moment, sees his father's demon face, the only face he remembered, looks back down at the human picture of Joshua Carter*
Connor, I think you need to come in here.
*reaches into package, pulling out the other photos, violently shakes as he looks at the crime scene photos from his family's massacre*
Oh God...