hitchhiking. teen horror slasher days back at last ?
so much for getting my body clock back into shape. *waves to mr. 5 o'clock*
decided to smoke on with kath tonight, purposely missed the last bus and walked home, got about half way, and a guy (looked like an ex student of the local uni) picked me up. we had a brief conversation and oddly enough got talking about anime, manga and 'spirited away' the movie. he asked about what course i did at college and we just started talking. ride only last about 6 or 7 minutes, but they are a few minutes you'll never forget. the kindness of strangers, the trust factor, hell even the lazy factor, it's all there.
besides, stan lee takes a shot in the mouth to get a couple miles. me, i'll talk to you about movies to get a couple miles.
sat down with beans & sausage on toast (food of kings i say...) and amy joined me after an hour of bbc news24, she sat down and started talking. after a while i clasped the courage together to ask her a few things;
Ben: "amy, if u needed help, not friends. the professional type, where would u start as a practical option (time constraints of work n all)"
Amy: "doctors are a bit crap, but i'd look some councilling information up online babe, you know you can talk to me right ?"
she mentioned how worried mum was for me, and i replied that was part of the problem. me not able to say anything because of the fear she'll blame herself, shit, look what happened on the last argument outing the two of us had, i had her bawling her eyes out on the stairs and i didn't even tell her anything ?!?!!! Amy replied she knew how mum was in ways and that it was difficult, but talking about what has happened is my only option, and i'm to get on it right away.
Amy: "are you living or surviving..."
*catches on at the end of her question*
Ben: "...surviving"
i didn't want it to be as urgent as that, but my sister knows nothing. nothing. to tell her straight would, i believe, do more damage than however bad i felt about spilling it all. i feel like i gotta let her or anyone else i choose find out in lumps, the amount of shit held back has mounted and it would seem absurd to unleash on some poor soul one night. you can't drop bombs without damage. i swear i'm painting pictures of daises on the bombs in the hope they won't do as much destruction. but a wolf in sheeps clothing is still a wolf.
this is the first sit down, even if it was just half an hour that me and my sis have ever had. she comforted me for about half hour this time last year when i was at the pinacle of depression finishing with jo. but that's it.
i think Amy's gone to sleep tonight thinking of me from a different angle. i like to think there isn't much i'm scared of, but i'm truly petrified she'll think less of me in time to come. idiotic thought, but there none the less.
also read a chapter of hunter S. thompson's new book. gotta bag that bad boy as well as james frey's, 'million little pieces', read a chapter and couldn't put it down in london, looks fantastic.
anyway, i'm up in 4 hours. jobcentre, might as well leech the last drop of jobseekers allowance while the goings good and the new job starts soon. hell i've paid taxes since i was 15 and not one bloody rebate ! i'm bloody well entitled to screw the government for another week !
sn00zles...
decided to smoke on with kath tonight, purposely missed the last bus and walked home, got about half way, and a guy (looked like an ex student of the local uni) picked me up. we had a brief conversation and oddly enough got talking about anime, manga and 'spirited away' the movie. he asked about what course i did at college and we just started talking. ride only last about 6 or 7 minutes, but they are a few minutes you'll never forget. the kindness of strangers, the trust factor, hell even the lazy factor, it's all there.
besides, stan lee takes a shot in the mouth to get a couple miles. me, i'll talk to you about movies to get a couple miles.
sat down with beans & sausage on toast (food of kings i say...) and amy joined me after an hour of bbc news24, she sat down and started talking. after a while i clasped the courage together to ask her a few things;
Ben: "amy, if u needed help, not friends. the professional type, where would u start as a practical option (time constraints of work n all)"
Amy: "doctors are a bit crap, but i'd look some councilling information up online babe, you know you can talk to me right ?"
she mentioned how worried mum was for me, and i replied that was part of the problem. me not able to say anything because of the fear she'll blame herself, shit, look what happened on the last argument outing the two of us had, i had her bawling her eyes out on the stairs and i didn't even tell her anything ?!?!!! Amy replied she knew how mum was in ways and that it was difficult, but talking about what has happened is my only option, and i'm to get on it right away.
Amy: "are you living or surviving..."
*catches on at the end of her question*
Ben: "...surviving"
i didn't want it to be as urgent as that, but my sister knows nothing. nothing. to tell her straight would, i believe, do more damage than however bad i felt about spilling it all. i feel like i gotta let her or anyone else i choose find out in lumps, the amount of shit held back has mounted and it would seem absurd to unleash on some poor soul one night. you can't drop bombs without damage. i swear i'm painting pictures of daises on the bombs in the hope they won't do as much destruction. but a wolf in sheeps clothing is still a wolf.
this is the first sit down, even if it was just half an hour that me and my sis have ever had. she comforted me for about half hour this time last year when i was at the pinacle of depression finishing with jo. but that's it.
i think Amy's gone to sleep tonight thinking of me from a different angle. i like to think there isn't much i'm scared of, but i'm truly petrified she'll think less of me in time to come. idiotic thought, but there none the less.
also read a chapter of hunter S. thompson's new book. gotta bag that bad boy as well as james frey's, 'million little pieces', read a chapter and couldn't put it down in london, looks fantastic.
anyway, i'm up in 4 hours. jobcentre, might as well leech the last drop of jobseekers allowance while the goings good and the new job starts soon. hell i've paid taxes since i was 15 and not one bloody rebate ! i'm bloody well entitled to screw the government for another week !
sn00zles...