A Stenographer's Guide to the Marauder Years: 6-7
Title: A Stenographer's Guide to the Marauder Years
Author: _demonsblade_
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, fluff, humor
Warning: Slash, boy/boy snoggage, crude humor
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: All characters © J.K. Rowling
Summary: A story told through seven important conversations between Sirius and Remus throughout their years at Hogwarts. How they met, how they became friends, and how they fell in love. All-dialogue one shot.
Years 1 - 3, Years 4 - 5
Year 6
“Remus!”
“Ngah.”
“Moony!”
“Foo.”
“Wake up! Wake up!”
“Arrr…go away, Padfoot.”
“Happy Christmas, Moon-pup.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Would Moon-flower work better?”
“NO! Now good night!”
“Moony! Wake up, Moony!”
“For once will you let me sleep in pe-AHHH! Gerroff! Get off you stupid git!”
“Come on, wakey wakey.”
“For heavens sake. You’re sixteen years old. Act your age for once.”
“Do you want me to tickle you?”
“You wouldn’t-never mind. You would. Just-get off, Sirius. My legs are going numb.”
“Really? Would you prefer it if I sat on your face?”
“Actually, that would be lovely. I’ve always wanted to get a face full of your arse.”
“…”
“Funny. That sounded a lot less dirty in my head.”
“…”
“I was being sarcastic, Sirius. Now-get-off!”
“Don’t go back to sleep!”
“Shut up and go bug James.”
“James isn’t here, as you’ve so conveniently forgotten. And neither is Pete. It’s Christmas, and as usual, you and I are the only ones left in the old tower.”
“James invited you to go with him. Why didn’t you go?”
“I spent the entire summer at the Potters’. James needs some time with his folks. And besides, I couldn’t leave my little Moon-pup-sorry-Moon-flower alone.”
“Mmm…go away.”
“But I’m bored.”
“You just got that new Quidditch magazine, right?”
“I’ve read it already.”
“Then go and wank to it or something.”
“Alone?”
“I was under the impression that wanking by definition is done alone.”
“I can’t go in the bathroom alone.”
“Why?”
“There’s a mirror in there that keeps commenting on my arse.”
“Good comments or bad?”
“Good.”
“Then what’s the problem? I would’ve thought you of all people wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to inflate your ego even more.”
“Moony!”
“Go away, Padfoot. I want to sleep.”
“I want to sleep, too.”
“Good. So go sleep.”
“Move over.”
“What?”
“Move over. I want to sleep, too.”
“I meant in your own bed!”
“But my bed’s cold. It’s right next to the window and there’s a draft.”
“I don’t care.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“…”
“Ow! Hey-stop that. Ha ha ha-stop tickling, Padfoot. That’s-ha ha. Okay, okay. Here. Now just get in and don’t touch me.”
“Thanks.”
“…”
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re touching me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. That’s your hand on my hip, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Then you won’t mind if I pinch it?”
“The hand? Go ahead-OUCH!”
“What? You’re the one who told me to pinch it.”
“I didn’t think you actually would!”
“…”
“…”
“Sirius?”
“Mmm?”
“You’re breathing on my neck. It’s distracting.”
“Sorry. Better?”
“Now you’re breathing on my face.”
“Oh. There. Now is it okay?”
“Yeah, that-that’s fine.”
“…”
“Sirius, did-did you just-were you-”
“What?”
“Nothing. It just felt like you-nothing.”
“Like I what? Like I touched your arse?”
“Yes! Exactly like you touched my arse! You didn’t, did you?”
“Well…”
“YOU DID!”
“Sorry.”
“Why the bloody hell did you do that?”
“Because…”
“Because…?”
“Turn around.”
“Why?”
“Just turn around and look at me.”
“Okay. But what are you-Padfo-opmmm…”
“…”
“…”
“That’s why.”
“Oh. Oh.”
“…”
“…”
“I want you, Moony.”
“You-you do?”
“More than anything.”
“…”
“…”
“I want you, too.”
“So what do you say to a little snog?”
“I thought that’s just what we did.”
“Not under the mistletoe.”
“But the mistletoe’s down in the common room.”
“I brought some up here. Look.”
“You brought some up here?”
“Yeah…just in case.”
“Oh…wow. Er…yeah. Let’s.”
“Let’s what?”
“Let’s snog.”
“Oh, how long I’ve waited to hear those words from my Moon-pup.”
“Keep that up and you’re not getting a present.”
“I’ve already gotten what I wanted for Christmas.”
“Oh, really? And what’s that?”
“…You.”
Year 7
“Hey, Moony!”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“A…walk? Why?”
“Just because.”
“Oh…er…sure. Let’s go.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“You’re unusually quiet, Padfoot. Is something wrong?”
“No. No…nothing’s wrong.”
“Okay. You’d tell me if there was, right?”
“Right. Of course I would.”
“…”
“Er…so, did you hear that James asked Lily to marry him?”
“Sirius, the whole bloody school knows about that. And it was quite hard to miss James bursting in through the dormitory door at twelve o’clock last night screaming at the top of his obnoxious lungs.”
“…”
“Or were you expecting the celebratory alcohol James brought with him to have messed with my memory?”
“I…er…”
“I’ve never seen you like this, Padfoot. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I swear.”
“…”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m in denial.”
“But you kind of are in denial.”
“…”
“Sirius?”
“…”
“Padfoot, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong then I swear I’ll-”
“MoonyIloveyouwillyoumarryme.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
“…”
“Moony?”
“…”
“Moony?”
“I’m not talking to you until you tell me what you just said.”
“I-I love you.”
“I love you, too, Padfoot. But there was more, wasn’t there?”
“I asked-I just wanted-could we-will you marry me?”
“…”
“I’m sorry. It was stupid-I know we can’t get married or anything…I don’t know. I don’t doubt that you love me or anything. I just-I want to be able to tell people that I’m married, to show everyone else just how much I love you. It was a stupid idea-forget it. We can just-you know-live together and stuff. If you want to that is and…yeah.”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sirius Black, I demand that you reinstate that offer right now!”
“…What?”
“I do believe Mr. Moony would like to ask Mr. Padfoot’s hand in marriage.”
“R-really?”
“Really.”
“Wow…er…that’s just…wow.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“…”
“Is this the part where we find an abandoned broom cupboard so that we can have wild and crazy sex?”
“I do believe it is. Abandoned cupboard ahoy!”
“Shall we retire, Mr. Moony?”
“We shall, Mr. Padfoot.”
“…”
“…”
“You are going to be the bride, right?”
“WHAT?”
“Kidding.”
Author: _demonsblade_
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, fluff, humor
Warning: Slash, boy/boy snoggage, crude humor
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: All characters © J.K. Rowling
Summary: A story told through seven important conversations between Sirius and Remus throughout their years at Hogwarts. How they met, how they became friends, and how they fell in love. All-dialogue one shot.
Years 1 - 3, Years 4 - 5
Year 6
“Remus!”
“Ngah.”
“Moony!”
“Foo.”
“Wake up! Wake up!”
“Arrr…go away, Padfoot.”
“Happy Christmas, Moon-pup.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Would Moon-flower work better?”
“NO! Now good night!”
“Moony! Wake up, Moony!”
“For once will you let me sleep in pe-AHHH! Gerroff! Get off you stupid git!”
“Come on, wakey wakey.”
“For heavens sake. You’re sixteen years old. Act your age for once.”
“Do you want me to tickle you?”
“You wouldn’t-never mind. You would. Just-get off, Sirius. My legs are going numb.”
“Really? Would you prefer it if I sat on your face?”
“Actually, that would be lovely. I’ve always wanted to get a face full of your arse.”
“…”
“Funny. That sounded a lot less dirty in my head.”
“…”
“I was being sarcastic, Sirius. Now-get-off!”
“Don’t go back to sleep!”
“Shut up and go bug James.”
“James isn’t here, as you’ve so conveniently forgotten. And neither is Pete. It’s Christmas, and as usual, you and I are the only ones left in the old tower.”
“James invited you to go with him. Why didn’t you go?”
“I spent the entire summer at the Potters’. James needs some time with his folks. And besides, I couldn’t leave my little Moon-pup-sorry-Moon-flower alone.”
“Mmm…go away.”
“But I’m bored.”
“You just got that new Quidditch magazine, right?”
“I’ve read it already.”
“Then go and wank to it or something.”
“Alone?”
“I was under the impression that wanking by definition is done alone.”
“I can’t go in the bathroom alone.”
“Why?”
“There’s a mirror in there that keeps commenting on my arse.”
“Good comments or bad?”
“Good.”
“Then what’s the problem? I would’ve thought you of all people wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to inflate your ego even more.”
“Moony!”
“Go away, Padfoot. I want to sleep.”
“I want to sleep, too.”
“Good. So go sleep.”
“Move over.”
“What?”
“Move over. I want to sleep, too.”
“I meant in your own bed!”
“But my bed’s cold. It’s right next to the window and there’s a draft.”
“I don’t care.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“…”
“Ow! Hey-stop that. Ha ha ha-stop tickling, Padfoot. That’s-ha ha. Okay, okay. Here. Now just get in and don’t touch me.”
“Thanks.”
“…”
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re touching me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. That’s your hand on my hip, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Then you won’t mind if I pinch it?”
“The hand? Go ahead-OUCH!”
“What? You’re the one who told me to pinch it.”
“I didn’t think you actually would!”
“…”
“…”
“Sirius?”
“Mmm?”
“You’re breathing on my neck. It’s distracting.”
“Sorry. Better?”
“Now you’re breathing on my face.”
“Oh. There. Now is it okay?”
“Yeah, that-that’s fine.”
“…”
“Sirius, did-did you just-were you-”
“What?”
“Nothing. It just felt like you-nothing.”
“Like I what? Like I touched your arse?”
“Yes! Exactly like you touched my arse! You didn’t, did you?”
“Well…”
“YOU DID!”
“Sorry.”
“Why the bloody hell did you do that?”
“Because…”
“Because…?”
“Turn around.”
“Why?”
“Just turn around and look at me.”
“Okay. But what are you-Padfo-opmmm…”
“…”
“…”
“That’s why.”
“Oh. Oh.”
“…”
“…”
“I want you, Moony.”
“You-you do?”
“More than anything.”
“…”
“…”
“I want you, too.”
“So what do you say to a little snog?”
“I thought that’s just what we did.”
“Not under the mistletoe.”
“But the mistletoe’s down in the common room.”
“I brought some up here. Look.”
“You brought some up here?”
“Yeah…just in case.”
“Oh…wow. Er…yeah. Let’s.”
“Let’s what?”
“Let’s snog.”
“Oh, how long I’ve waited to hear those words from my Moon-pup.”
“Keep that up and you’re not getting a present.”
“I’ve already gotten what I wanted for Christmas.”
“Oh, really? And what’s that?”
“…You.”
Year 7
“Hey, Moony!”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“A…walk? Why?”
“Just because.”
“Oh…er…sure. Let’s go.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“You’re unusually quiet, Padfoot. Is something wrong?”
“No. No…nothing’s wrong.”
“Okay. You’d tell me if there was, right?”
“Right. Of course I would.”
“…”
“Er…so, did you hear that James asked Lily to marry him?”
“Sirius, the whole bloody school knows about that. And it was quite hard to miss James bursting in through the dormitory door at twelve o’clock last night screaming at the top of his obnoxious lungs.”
“…”
“Or were you expecting the celebratory alcohol James brought with him to have messed with my memory?”
“I…er…”
“I’ve never seen you like this, Padfoot. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I swear.”
“…”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m in denial.”
“But you kind of are in denial.”
“…”
“Sirius?”
“…”
“Padfoot, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong then I swear I’ll-”
“MoonyIloveyouwillyoumarryme.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
“…”
“Moony?”
“…”
“Moony?”
“I’m not talking to you until you tell me what you just said.”
“I-I love you.”
“I love you, too, Padfoot. But there was more, wasn’t there?”
“I asked-I just wanted-could we-will you marry me?”
“…”
“I’m sorry. It was stupid-I know we can’t get married or anything…I don’t know. I don’t doubt that you love me or anything. I just-I want to be able to tell people that I’m married, to show everyone else just how much I love you. It was a stupid idea-forget it. We can just-you know-live together and stuff. If you want to that is and…yeah.”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sirius Black, I demand that you reinstate that offer right now!”
“…What?”
“I do believe Mr. Moony would like to ask Mr. Padfoot’s hand in marriage.”
“R-really?”
“Really.”
“Wow…er…that’s just…wow.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“…”
“Is this the part where we find an abandoned broom cupboard so that we can have wild and crazy sex?”
“I do believe it is. Abandoned cupboard ahoy!”
“Shall we retire, Mr. Moony?”
“We shall, Mr. Padfoot.”
“…”
“…”
“You are going to be the bride, right?”
“WHAT?”
“Kidding.”