(no subject)
Depression does this to you... It sucks the joy out of what you love and live for, and enhances the feelings of sadness of the things you hate, and would die for. For example, school. I used to fucking love school. I used to live for it. You get there, see some awesome teachers, best friends who you would hang out with for like over an hour a day. Then walk home with. You'd see enemies and you'd feel so good that you look so good and you were with lots of friends and they were alone. Also your courses would be alright too, you'd get pretty darn good in them, never going below 70. Nowadays, i feel like shit. I dont feel like dressing up or looking my best, doing my hair. Its shit anyway. I dont feel like doing good. im failing chemistry! I've never failed anything in my life. god dam it. I cant believe this. Usually i come from co op and get a transfer, then later use it to get home without paying twice. it has worked like 3 times. But today the guy says its from 12, and its been expired 3 hours. So im like whatever, i dont care. even though there is no time on it or w.e. So its not such a big deal anyway, i need the excersise i dont mind walking home. Its just SUCH a blow, such a detrement in my mood and thoughts. the embarassment, etc. it shouldnt be a big deal, but i feel shitty about it. see what i mean? it shouldnt be like that. I should be laughing on the way home. who laughs alone though? You laugh with friends. i didnt have any. i never see my friends. and i see them there walking towards me in the hall i say hi and they keep walking. they dont realise that i see NO ONE cept fucking braydon all dam day. its so bad. I feel like shit all the time.
But then, there's you. Nothing can suck the joy out of you. You're such an amazing person. Wait, i can. You try and help but i shut you out, i dont like btiching and complaining, but i start this shit anyway. its actually the only way you'll talk to me if your busy. but thats mean of me. you dont need this shit. you dont care.do you? im wrong. you moved away, you have a girlfriend, you hardly talk to me. i never see you. there is very little joy in that. sigh. sigh. sigh.
But then, there's you. Nothing can suck the joy out of you. You're such an amazing person. Wait, i can. You try and help but i shut you out, i dont like btiching and complaining, but i start this shit anyway. its actually the only way you'll talk to me if your busy. but thats mean of me. you dont need this shit. you dont care.do you? im wrong. you moved away, you have a girlfriend, you hardly talk to me. i never see you. there is very little joy in that. sigh. sigh. sigh.