You know sometimes I wonder...
Am I doing this wrong? Living I mean...
Is there a right way to do it...or is it all just circumstantial?
I've mentioned briefly that I've been sort of depressed lately. I think I might have stumbled on to the cause...or at least a part of it. I feel an immense lack of purpose in my life. The fact I have no drive to do anything seems to stem from my inability to find a reason to do any of it.
When I look at my life...it's almost like I've lived it in the safest manner possible. I rarely take chances on anything. I always said the cause of that was my ability to over think the simplest matters. Honestly though I feel like Shinji sometimes. The fucking hedgehog’s dilemma...
I make good grades in school, I don't take drugs or drink too much, I have a close group of friends, my life is catered to by my family, I still attend church when I go home, I've had one and only one girlfriend...everything is just wrapped up in a nice..neat little ball.
It's when I talk to people like Amanda...or Jayme...that I really wonder if I've been going about this all the wrong way. I'm sure they feel that the instabilities in their lives and problems they've had to cope with aren't anything special. It's not that I'm looking for troublesome things to happen to me...I just feel so stagnant sometimes.
I've never really had anything brought down upon me. Something that has threatened my way of existence...and forced me to make a choice. An important choice. Well...there was one thing. I ran away from that problem though.
That also makes me wonder what I would do if I was faced with something like that again. Would I run away? Would I choose the safest and most stable option instead of taking a chance?
What the fuck am I so afraid of anyway?...and who the hell do I expect to give me answers to these questions?
Ron and I got into an argument about rational vs irrational choices the other day...and I still refuse to believe either of them exists. There's simply no way to define a human’s justification...
...of anything.
Is there a right way to do it...or is it all just circumstantial?
I've mentioned briefly that I've been sort of depressed lately. I think I might have stumbled on to the cause...or at least a part of it. I feel an immense lack of purpose in my life. The fact I have no drive to do anything seems to stem from my inability to find a reason to do any of it.
When I look at my life...it's almost like I've lived it in the safest manner possible. I rarely take chances on anything. I always said the cause of that was my ability to over think the simplest matters. Honestly though I feel like Shinji sometimes. The fucking hedgehog’s dilemma...
I make good grades in school, I don't take drugs or drink too much, I have a close group of friends, my life is catered to by my family, I still attend church when I go home, I've had one and only one girlfriend...everything is just wrapped up in a nice..neat little ball.
It's when I talk to people like Amanda...or Jayme...that I really wonder if I've been going about this all the wrong way. I'm sure they feel that the instabilities in their lives and problems they've had to cope with aren't anything special. It's not that I'm looking for troublesome things to happen to me...I just feel so stagnant sometimes.
I've never really had anything brought down upon me. Something that has threatened my way of existence...and forced me to make a choice. An important choice. Well...there was one thing. I ran away from that problem though.
That also makes me wonder what I would do if I was faced with something like that again. Would I run away? Would I choose the safest and most stable option instead of taking a chance?
What the fuck am I so afraid of anyway?...and who the hell do I expect to give me answers to these questions?
Ron and I got into an argument about rational vs irrational choices the other day...and I still refuse to believe either of them exists. There's simply no way to define a human’s justification...
...of anything.