hey so!
matt and i are on that not talking phase again. except this time he has a girlfriend. one that he likes. not like that last time when we were back in high school. this is bullshit. i know what i want. why can't i just grow up? i'm turning twenty-two this year. we've been on and off since what, i was fourteen? fifteen? yeah. if its meant to be, it will happen. it just can't happen now, i guess. this is just going to be the worst transition period of my life. this is what you get when you leave that band-aid on for too long.
ugh.
i don't like my other prospects either. and i'm terrible at saying no. so i just kind of keep stringing people a long. which is terrible. how do i tell someone "hey, i think you're awesome, and really funny, and i want you to be one of my good friends, but i'm entirely uninterested in dating because a) my head/heart are in a fucked up place and b) i'm just not attracted to you sexually." its awkward, right? i like these people as friends. but i can't do anything right now. i'm just not up to it. not that i want to date anyone. but i have no interest in doing anything else either. i'm fairly content watching 30 rock and reading as many books as possible. Nelson algren, you are my best friend.
WHINE WHINE BITCH BITCH MOAN MOAN
yeah, things are sad on a personal level, but hey- i've got one more semester of real classes, then student teaching. i want to be a good teacher. i honestly do. i'm just hoping i've got enough energy/enthusiasm/creativity to make it. my sister said that all of my old teachers were terribly surprised at my wanting to be a teacher. yes, i know, i was a quiet kid in middle/high school. but honestly? i think i've grown in that respect. i can get up in front of a group of my peers and give a speech without feeling like fainting now. i just know that i need to be super prepared. which is fine. you're not supposed to wing that sort of thing anyways (teaching lessons, at least..)
OKAY. SO. TWO MORE WEEKS OF THIS SEMESTER. i'm getting a B in evolution, but i guess it won't kill me. all of my other classes are in the A range (although who knows with the education courses at lehman. they're a mess sometimes)
in other news: heading to SF in about a month to see: alkaline trio, andrew jackson jihad, the lawrence arms, sundowner, brendan kelly, bomb the music industry, laura stevenson, mikey erg, o pioneers, spraynard, and of course, mike park. so stoked.
also, bought tickets for the fest. traveling for music. its the only way to do it.
now i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to swing seeing braid at the metro in chicago august 27th...
i may be shit out of luck on that one. i have to pay for my last two semesters, after all.
alright. this was a nice reminder that things aren't always as terrible as i sometimes feel they are. so many things to look forward to and people to meet and places to go.
i picked quixotic specifically because we discussed don quixote in golden age of spain. however, it may be all too fitting regarding my outlook on life. "foolishly impractical, especially regarding the pursuit of ideals"? yeah, that may be me.
ugh.
i don't like my other prospects either. and i'm terrible at saying no. so i just kind of keep stringing people a long. which is terrible. how do i tell someone "hey, i think you're awesome, and really funny, and i want you to be one of my good friends, but i'm entirely uninterested in dating because a) my head/heart are in a fucked up place and b) i'm just not attracted to you sexually." its awkward, right? i like these people as friends. but i can't do anything right now. i'm just not up to it. not that i want to date anyone. but i have no interest in doing anything else either. i'm fairly content watching 30 rock and reading as many books as possible. Nelson algren, you are my best friend.
WHINE WHINE BITCH BITCH MOAN MOAN
yeah, things are sad on a personal level, but hey- i've got one more semester of real classes, then student teaching. i want to be a good teacher. i honestly do. i'm just hoping i've got enough energy/enthusiasm/creativity to make it. my sister said that all of my old teachers were terribly surprised at my wanting to be a teacher. yes, i know, i was a quiet kid in middle/high school. but honestly? i think i've grown in that respect. i can get up in front of a group of my peers and give a speech without feeling like fainting now. i just know that i need to be super prepared. which is fine. you're not supposed to wing that sort of thing anyways (teaching lessons, at least..)
OKAY. SO. TWO MORE WEEKS OF THIS SEMESTER. i'm getting a B in evolution, but i guess it won't kill me. all of my other classes are in the A range (although who knows with the education courses at lehman. they're a mess sometimes)
in other news: heading to SF in about a month to see: alkaline trio, andrew jackson jihad, the lawrence arms, sundowner, brendan kelly, bomb the music industry, laura stevenson, mikey erg, o pioneers, spraynard, and of course, mike park. so stoked.
also, bought tickets for the fest. traveling for music. its the only way to do it.
now i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to swing seeing braid at the metro in chicago august 27th...
i may be shit out of luck on that one. i have to pay for my last two semesters, after all.
alright. this was a nice reminder that things aren't always as terrible as i sometimes feel they are. so many things to look forward to and people to meet and places to go.
i picked quixotic specifically because we discussed don quixote in golden age of spain. however, it may be all too fitting regarding my outlook on life. "foolishly impractical, especially regarding the pursuit of ideals"? yeah, that may be me.