(no subject)
I'm so over feeling like shit.it's my own fault because I just go along with it like nothing fucking matters but t all does. it all fucking sucks and it always hurts me and I font know how to deal with it besides trying to suppress it. but it's so weird, how half of it's consistent and the otter halts completely inconsistent. like the way I get treated is the inconsistency but the things that happen are the consistent part. don't know how else to put that. it's just always somethig, more like someone. why can't t just be me! that's all that i ever ask myself, is WHAT ThE FUCK is wrong with ME? why do boys have to try so fuckin hard to stray away from you to get attention from someone else? I do everything I possibly can to make him happy. and it's never him going out of his way for me. I don't know how I have to handle this anymore. it makes me so upset and turns me into a briefly insecure bitch and I hate it. but it's like it's always just for a short period of time . and it's only over fucking phones or the Internet! everythings awesome in person, always happy. but when we leave the house it's like a whole different scenario and I don't know why. I dont know. and no one wants to listen so fcuck it. I'm writing to myself. wow
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