(no subject)
Love is patient, love is blind
Love is constantly on our mind.
Its getting different, I don’t even know..
I found out this is really hard to know.
Life is so funny but at the same time mad.
I’m stuck wondering why I always feel sad.
I feel like I love someone, I feel like I don’t.
I feel like the hes gone, but I feel like he won't.
Sometimes it’s unreal, some times it’s so strong.
I am so upset with trying to depict right from wrong.
It’s like everything I knew, everything I wanted
It all disappeared and just left me disappointed.
And I am still trying too hard, just the attention part
I can’t let go of this end because of the start.
Unfinshed too soon, but it was not meant to be
But I honestly just found the truth that I could never see
I really wanted to believe in it.
I tried for so long.
Maybe too long was what made it so wrong.
I thought love was real, I thought it was true
I felt so right until I met the other one too.
Everything felt gone, but it all came back too soon
A few months later, I wish it would’ve resumed.
But it couldn’t, the odds are against it.
And still I’m sitting here trying to depict it.
Or maybe predict it.
I wish I could just end it.
I wish I could stop thinking, and caring,
I wish I could stop preparing.
I feel in love again, but its hard to show
I can’t seem to get past the hurt that I know.
I don’t want it to happen again
I am too scared to start the beginning of another end
But my fear is too late, its already here
And already I cant prevent the tears.
Hes breaking my heart more than the first
Maybe I’m doomed, I guess I’m cursed.
Woww foreshadow much? I wrote that so long ago..like when me and Bo broke up and I wanted to date Nick...2 years ago.. and look what happened now. Nick hasn't talked to me in a week. This is the worst feeling in the world. I want to curl up in a hole and never come out. I've never been in this situation before. Like when me and Bo broke up I was sad but I didn't want to be with him. I don't think about him anymore. I feel like the complete opposite about Nick. He broke up with me and there's nothing more I want than to be with him. I am so in love with him and I can't just get over it like everyone else thinks.. Like, I feel like this was so real. I can't stop thinking about him. And to make matters worse, everything reminds me of him. EVERYTHING. I have spent so long with him, like even driving by somewhere that I've been with him makes me sad. I can't stop crying and I can't do anything about it, and that's what is the worst part. There's absolutely nothing I can do to change his mind. I feel like my world just came crashing down. Like I know I'm being dramatic but I know everyone would feel the same way if something like this happened. And maybe I'm stupid for thinking this but I really wanted to be with him forever. Like, I know that's so ridiculous for someone my age to think but I did. I still do. Sadly, I've planned out my whole life with him and now I just don't evem know what to feel or believe anymore. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I am not sure what's going to happen. I keep wishing and hoping that he'll come around. Most people keep telling me he will, that I haven't really showed him what it's like to not be with me, but it just to me, seems that if I don't talk to him, he's not going to give two shits. I feel like he's not even going to miss me and it breaks my heart so bad. I can't even picture my life without Nick now. The past two months have sucked, but the past WEEK has been the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I can barely eat or sleep I can barely think and the only thing I can do to get him off my mind for a while is to hang out with Nina and Ryan. So, that's what I've been doing.. Except for last night I stayed home, and I was going to talk to Matt about stuff but he was at Hayley's with Nick. So I called Nina and Ryan and they were there and they came and got me (this was all just to see Nick) and it turned out terribly. We talked about what I should do the whole 30 minutes it took to get there, and when we got there, I couldn't do anything. I was shaking I was so scared. And all I wanted to do was hug him and say hi but I couldn't. And then he left..and texted me (for the first time in a week) saying "Thank you for proving me right" and I told him I only came to see him but he doesn't believe me. Like, I feel like everything I am trying to do to make this better just makes it ten times worse. I feel like such an idiot. No, I am such an idiot. I hate myself for whatever I did to make him not want to be with me. Because in my eyes, my life is nothing without Nick. What is the point of anything if you can't spend it with the person you love the most. I really love him more than anyone. And that might be fucked up because family should always be first but Nick is everything I want. He's beautiful and funny and I know he's very smart even if he didn't do so good in school, he's motivated to get what he wants (unfortunately not me) and he's independent. He's amazing. And I am so upset that he doesnt want to be with me. Like despite the way I feel I hope he's happy. I feel like he's not though. I just wish I could make him happy. I want to be happy too, but not everything is about yourself.. Like, one of those sayings is always "do what makes you happy" but I can't be happy without him and at the same time I can't be happy if he's unhappy. And I don't know what else to say. I feel like dying. Thats fucked up but I'm not joking. I'm not going to do anything I swear, I just feel that way.