WHEN CAN THIS BE OVER???
Ok well today I basically found out many things none are good. My cousins wife who supposedly cares about me soo much has been lying to me and is now marrying someone else. My dads whole body wasnt burnt just his head down to his neck. That isnt a fucking accident. The only alcohol even close to my dad was brandi guess what? BRANDI DOESNT CATCH ON FIRE LIKE THAT ESPECIALLY WITH A FUCKING CIGARETTE. They didnt find my dads glasses and the matching pendant that I have too on him that is weird too. Good thing is that his funeral isnt over xmas break BAD thing is that its on HIS BIRTHDAY which makes me even more depressed about it and I have to wait about it longer. My aunt says I need a therapist or to talk to a pastor. No Im not good with stuff like that. Im not some fucking crazy person okay. Tanya thinks I dont want to her friend great first I lost amber (not that I care now)I lost monica(her and i were so close but her dad trying to like molest be and haunting my life as we speak and her selfishness ruined ny bond we might have had ) I lost bitsy.(I care about that)I feel like I am losing tanya I love that girl but lately she is being all weird and thinks I dont like her. If she doesnt like something about her self NOT PHYSICALLY she should change it for the better. I try and adjust so I can be the best person I can be and a good christian and Im not giving up on this. I have been bitchy lately and I apologized for this. Katrina wanted to cut herself but she couldnt find her knife. Everyone is soo suicidal lately and you know what? I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE ACTING LIKE THEIR LIVES ARE SOOOOO FUCKING SAD BOO FUCKING HOO. I lost one of my best friends because of her sick fucking father. I lost my father who actually isnt some sick fuck but apparently the person who set his HEAD on fire was. I am losing all these friends and its not MY CHOICE either. Im like gonna fail my math final. Probably my science one too since our group is all out of place. Maybe my history one since I cant even focus. My mom probably doesnt even like me I feel like she is only staying in tucson because she feels sorry for me because of my dad. Supposedly my old friends from safford are gonna come "cheer me up" on saturday and take me out but I dont trust that they will actually come since all anyone cares about is themselves. I care about everyone and I am soo nice to everyone even people I dont like but pretty soon I just might give up I keep giving when am I gonna start getting right now I FEEL like the only people that like me are raven meghan and katrina. I would put tanya but she probably hates me but Im not sure. Oh well. Maybe I am really crazy. I dont even know who I am sometimes. I just want everything to be normal again is that too much to ask? I feel like ever since Rays mom went out of town a while back things have slowy gone downhill. I wanna leave PV forever and TUCSOn but I cant run from my problems no matter where I go there I am I could ask my aunt or my cousin to let me go back to cali but that is the cowards way out Im not a coward at least I hope I am not. Time will tell. I know I am a good person and I know god doesnt give me a test I cant pass and maybe things will blow over.Maybe not.