already feel better. bipolar much?
well i already feel better. i cleaned the whole house. i hung up some posters to make me feel more at home. it looks cute! i don't know why but it really does make me feel better. i like decorating and i am pretty damn creative. so that helped. then i worked out for like a half an hour. i will be honest- it kicked my ass. but i a glad because i feel pretty exhilerated right not. then i took a shower which had a rejuvenating effect on me, it is so strange how a shower can relax you so much. then i smoked a bowl. so i feel like a million bucks right now. i dunno.
i overreact too much. that is the whole fucking problem. i think i make a lot of my problems up in my head. that sucks. i suck. now at least i am going to suck and be happy. really. i am acting like i'm 5! i need to suck it up. what a douche.
i am listening to saves the day right now. which also makes me happy like you wouldn't believe. i mean i almost always get in a better mood if i listen to it. i know how to make myself happy. i just need to stop refusing that i do deserve- no matter how much i tell myself i don't. the things we do to ourselves. the things i do to myself. and then so much agony when i cant forget why ryan hates me. he is right. i get mad at the truth. because goddmanit, the fucking truth hurts so bad some times. when you are called a psychopathic mess, that is pretty harsh. it slices even deeper when it is true.
trust me. i don't want to be this way. i never have. he does have that wrong. no more excuses. no being scared. life is too short. i don't like doing this to him. maybe he won't ever understand me. maybe i will always be like that. but i have to try. what a pitiful waste i can be. but- fuck it. tomorrow i shall overcome. because no matter how close i have come to failing, i haven't. i can't. i won't.
i overreact too much. that is the whole fucking problem. i think i make a lot of my problems up in my head. that sucks. i suck. now at least i am going to suck and be happy. really. i am acting like i'm 5! i need to suck it up. what a douche.
i am listening to saves the day right now. which also makes me happy like you wouldn't believe. i mean i almost always get in a better mood if i listen to it. i know how to make myself happy. i just need to stop refusing that i do deserve- no matter how much i tell myself i don't. the things we do to ourselves. the things i do to myself. and then so much agony when i cant forget why ryan hates me. he is right. i get mad at the truth. because goddmanit, the fucking truth hurts so bad some times. when you are called a psychopathic mess, that is pretty harsh. it slices even deeper when it is true.
trust me. i don't want to be this way. i never have. he does have that wrong. no more excuses. no being scared. life is too short. i don't like doing this to him. maybe he won't ever understand me. maybe i will always be like that. but i have to try. what a pitiful waste i can be. but- fuck it. tomorrow i shall overcome. because no matter how close i have come to failing, i haven't. i can't. i won't.