no more
its been over 3 years. why do I continue to make myself feel this way? why do I continue to let you do this to me? you give me even more hope when you tell me you start developing feelings for me. you toss me around like a ping pong ball. yet, as stupid as I am I let you walk all over me knowing you're doing it. I don't want to play your games anymore. I don't want to put myself in the hole I have been the past three months. I don't want to do it anymore. yet I don't have the strength to say goodbye. quitting cold turkey is the best thing to do, but we all know how well that works with me.
the fact that I've been thinking about cutting again scares the shit out of me because I know you're not worth my pain; yet I continue to take it.
I tell myself all the time that you're not worth my time. all you do is hurt me. and play games. you know just the right things to say to make me stay; or to make me go crazy. you have the ability to destroy me & you're using it to your benefit. you use me for sex because you can't get any from anyone else. hell, you're just like me. you waste your time on someone you damn well know you'll never have a chance with. she has a boyfriend, leave her be.
what am I saying? I should be telling myself to leave you alone. but I can't. you're my favorite damn disease that I can't shake. you're like nicotine that won't leave my veins. its so much easier when I'm 2000 miles away. and to be honest, I feel like running away again just to get over you once more.
you drive me fucking nuts.....and I love it. what's wrong with me? I hurt myself before you have a chance to. when you get around to it I'm finally numb that I don't feel anything for days.
I want to be strong. I want to say goodbye. I want to write you off. but I can't. you make it so hard.
the fact that I've been thinking about cutting again scares the shit out of me because I know you're not worth my pain; yet I continue to take it.
I tell myself all the time that you're not worth my time. all you do is hurt me. and play games. you know just the right things to say to make me stay; or to make me go crazy. you have the ability to destroy me & you're using it to your benefit. you use me for sex because you can't get any from anyone else. hell, you're just like me. you waste your time on someone you damn well know you'll never have a chance with. she has a boyfriend, leave her be.
what am I saying? I should be telling myself to leave you alone. but I can't. you're my favorite damn disease that I can't shake. you're like nicotine that won't leave my veins. its so much easier when I'm 2000 miles away. and to be honest, I feel like running away again just to get over you once more.
you drive me fucking nuts.....and I love it. what's wrong with me? I hurt myself before you have a chance to. when you get around to it I'm finally numb that I don't feel anything for days.
I want to be strong. I want to say goodbye. I want to write you off. but I can't. you make it so hard.