oh my
yuh.
life.
it's been a while, huh kids? I figure if miss sevier's gonna give us an update, I might as well too.
mmmm well. I guess I'm doing fine. I've been better. I've been worse.
I was really happy. there was a boy involved.
I was really unhappy. there was also a boy involved.
now I'm floating around, being in middlegroundland. I realized that I haven't been really happy for an extended period of time since the summer after freshman year. yikes. I only realized this after I met trav, and was happy for a couple months, and then he decided he wasn't ready, or he didn't see it working out, or whatever it is that happened, and I was suddenly a total and complete mess. like, every day was an emily damon day.
buttttt I'm reconnecting with friends that I missed, and I'm carving a jar in the shape of a jellyfish, and I'm listening to music that I love, and all in all, it's ok. I think. It is. It has to be. you can't change other people.
and at somepoint I'm bound to meet a boy who likes me as much as I like them right?
right?...
but I also can't escape the feeling that no one in this town really knows me. and I have nothing tying me down to anything here, and I feel like I could leave it all at any minute and start again completely. which partially feels good, and partially feels like the loneliest thing on the planet. And in this effort to connect with people, I lay everything about me out in the open, and it mostly just gets stepped all over. but I don't think I want to change. I don't want to hold things close, and I don't want to play games with people. though maybe then every guy I meet wouldnt lose interest so fast. It's something to think about, right?
oh well.
this is really scattered, huh. welcome to my brain.
and another thing is that I am the freaking queen of what if scenarios. like, I have the ability to play out entire dialogues that could potentially happen in some potential, made up, far away, not going to happen land. over and over and over. and it changes the way I look at things, and how I see people, and I start getting false hopes, and there's nothing to back them but my fucked up imagination. and I don't know how to stop it.
good fucking lord.
all in all, I just wish I was five, so that the scenarios were that I lived in a fairy land, and my biggest concern was whether or not mom was going to let me watch david the gnome.
for serious.
life.
it's been a while, huh kids? I figure if miss sevier's gonna give us an update, I might as well too.
mmmm well. I guess I'm doing fine. I've been better. I've been worse.
I was really happy. there was a boy involved.
I was really unhappy. there was also a boy involved.
now I'm floating around, being in middlegroundland. I realized that I haven't been really happy for an extended period of time since the summer after freshman year. yikes. I only realized this after I met trav, and was happy for a couple months, and then he decided he wasn't ready, or he didn't see it working out, or whatever it is that happened, and I was suddenly a total and complete mess. like, every day was an emily damon day.
buttttt I'm reconnecting with friends that I missed, and I'm carving a jar in the shape of a jellyfish, and I'm listening to music that I love, and all in all, it's ok. I think. It is. It has to be. you can't change other people.
and at somepoint I'm bound to meet a boy who likes me as much as I like them right?
right?...
but I also can't escape the feeling that no one in this town really knows me. and I have nothing tying me down to anything here, and I feel like I could leave it all at any minute and start again completely. which partially feels good, and partially feels like the loneliest thing on the planet. And in this effort to connect with people, I lay everything about me out in the open, and it mostly just gets stepped all over. but I don't think I want to change. I don't want to hold things close, and I don't want to play games with people. though maybe then every guy I meet wouldnt lose interest so fast. It's something to think about, right?
oh well.
this is really scattered, huh. welcome to my brain.
and another thing is that I am the freaking queen of what if scenarios. like, I have the ability to play out entire dialogues that could potentially happen in some potential, made up, far away, not going to happen land. over and over and over. and it changes the way I look at things, and how I see people, and I start getting false hopes, and there's nothing to back them but my fucked up imagination. and I don't know how to stop it.
good fucking lord.
all in all, I just wish I was five, so that the scenarios were that I lived in a fairy land, and my biggest concern was whether or not mom was going to let me watch david the gnome.
for serious.