(no subject)
Ew. I am fat and ugly and gross and absolutely miserable. I did ok (I guess) yesterday at about 550kcal but today is my mom's birthday. So I had to eat. For her. I am never, ever going to lose this weight. I want to fast but I can't around my parents. I want to puke but it's too late. Besides, my mom seems to suspect something's up since she asked me if I've been purging lately. Of course I said no, although truthfully a better question might have been "what haven't you purged lately?". I feel awful, awful, AWFUL! I am still at a massive 107.5lb, and can't seem to get off that plateau. Fortunately I'm moving out and into a dorm soon, after which I plan to fast until I simply cannot fast any longer. I WILL GET BELOW 100lb, DAMMIT! My sanity really does depend on it. I kind of wish that people would understand that starving keeps me sane. Take that away and ugly things happen.