I rant angrily after drinking.
Sometimes it feels good just to let everything go, stop fighting and worrying and giving a fuck all of the goddamned time and just close your eyes, accept life, accept death. But I've got some crazy fuck buried deep within me, in my brain, in my belly. Some psycho madman who wants to kill everyone and everything all of the time, he wants to be alone, but he wants to be fucking famous. He doesn't feel as if he's ever given his due, if just everyone would stop telling him how brilliant he was all the time, maybe he wouldn't feel so gypped. So this is what brilliance earns ya, nowadays? I'd rather be dull and expect nothing.
The poison rain falls down my throat and wakes up this god damned demon. It fills me up and some spark fires off in my belly, slowly crawling it's way up my throat, spewing out into the world at everyone who's in it's path, a fire that works it's way behind my eyes. A fire that makes some thoughts burn like falling stars, burn and burn and scream out to me "YOU'RE GETTING A RAW DEAL, CUT AND RUN! FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK EVERYONE YOU GIVE TOO MUCH STOP GIVING LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ALL OF THE TIME LET THEM TASTE A LITTLE BIT OF THE PAIN THAT YOU HIDE AWAY EVERYTIME THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID, EVERYTIME YOU APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING THEY DID, EVERYTIME YOU PAID YOUR HALF AND THEN SOME AND STILL GOT FUCKED, STILL GOT ROBBED, STILL MISUNDERSTOOD, STILL TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF."
I need a knife to cut it out of me, i can't keep giving birth to this fucking devil everytime take a drink, i need to cut out the source, or learn how to stop force feeding myself their failures, stop force feeding myself their bullshit... stop being so fucking nice, stop being so fucking pure. i'm not special, so why do i convince myself otherwise? and how come i care so fucking much? why why why why why do i do the things that i do? what do i really expect? what am i looking for? why?
The poison rain falls down my throat and wakes up this god damned demon. It fills me up and some spark fires off in my belly, slowly crawling it's way up my throat, spewing out into the world at everyone who's in it's path, a fire that works it's way behind my eyes. A fire that makes some thoughts burn like falling stars, burn and burn and scream out to me "YOU'RE GETTING A RAW DEAL, CUT AND RUN! FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK EVERYONE YOU GIVE TOO MUCH STOP GIVING LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ALL OF THE TIME LET THEM TASTE A LITTLE BIT OF THE PAIN THAT YOU HIDE AWAY EVERYTIME THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID, EVERYTIME YOU APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING THEY DID, EVERYTIME YOU PAID YOUR HALF AND THEN SOME AND STILL GOT FUCKED, STILL GOT ROBBED, STILL MISUNDERSTOOD, STILL TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF."
I need a knife to cut it out of me, i can't keep giving birth to this fucking devil everytime take a drink, i need to cut out the source, or learn how to stop force feeding myself their failures, stop force feeding myself their bullshit... stop being so fucking nice, stop being so fucking pure. i'm not special, so why do i convince myself otherwise? and how come i care so fucking much? why why why why why do i do the things that i do? what do i really expect? what am i looking for? why?