Update! Physical Complexity (Chapter 3)
Title: Physical Complexity
Author: xbrokendollzx
Summary: You can ignore it all you want, maybe even laugh at it because it sounds ridiculous, but you can't make the truth go away. Especially when it's nails are clawing down your back and it's bleeding you dry.
Pairing: Vam
Rating/Warnings: R, NC-17 in the later chapters. Contains Angst, M/M, Language, Smex, Violence and Humor. References to Alcoholism.
Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, and never happened. We're crossing our fingers.
Author's note: This chapter has a violent scene in it. If you are sensitive, please feel free to skip.
“Hey…” Bam whispered, slowly taking a step toward the seemingly docile Finn, who was way more interested in the carpet than him. “Let me get this…okay?“ Just as his fingers touched the bottle with an intent of confiscating it, red rimmed eyes bore up into him.
“Get out Bam, Why couldn’t you just leave me be?” He murmured weakly, lightly swinging the vodka bottle from side to side, watching the bubbles form in the liquid.
Bam kneeled in front of Ville and gently pried the alcohol from his hand, wrinkling his nose at the strong stench of cigarette. “Christ babe…what did you do?”
“Don’t worry.” Ville gave Bam a lopsided smile. “I haven’t had any. I very much wanted to, but unfortunately it’s been nothing but a few packs of Marlboros. Wouldn’t you like it though? If we got fucked off of it and passed out. Like old times.”
“You think I want you drunk? No Ville. That part of your life is over.”
“I thought you would. To be honest, I was contemplating it. Maybe if I was me again everything could be the way it was.” Ville said, almost thoughtfully. “We’ll clean out all of the bars like we used to. I would be fun again.”
Bam tensed up slightly as the ramblings registered in his mind. Ville almost ended up downing an entire bottle because he was insecure about how much of a cool friend he was? There had to be something else behind the sudden thought of a drinking binge. Ville’s temptation was almost totally non-existent now. He usually watched everyone else get muffed with amusement, even played bartender. Could that have really been what had driven him as far as thinking about resorting to his old habits, what he thought of him?
“You’re fun the way you are. In fact, sometimes you’re as much of a nut job as I am. There’s no way in hell I would let you put your damn health on the line for anyone. You come first.” He stood and gently pushed Ville back, pulling off his beat up chucks. “Just chill for a sec. You’re starting to breathe weird. It’s freaking me out.”
“You said it your fucking self…you liked me better that way. If I’m miserable then I’ll write better lyrics.” The small air of hurt in Ville’s tone caused even more guilt to engulf Bam.
‘Stupid damn mouth, I swear. Never shuts the hell up!’ Bam ranted inside his head. Fucking media. Fucking fans. Fucking him.
“Calm down. I didn’t mean any of that bullshit I said. Well…maybe I did at the time because I was pissed. You know I’m a dick, Willa. It was retarded of me to even say it and I take every idiot word back.”
“You are an idiot. A very big mouthed, irresponsible, irritating one.” Ville said bluntly.
“I know.” Bam got up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I get it, V. If you wanna talk later we can…Imma give you your space.”
“Why?” Ville purred suddenly, eyes glazed over with lust. His tongue darted out slightly to lick over pouty lips. “Stay and perhaps we can fulfill some of your sick little fantasies. Don’t you want that? To fuck your favorite rock star? You’ve already dedicated your body to me. Why not give it over completely?”
His eyes widened and he shook his head gently placed a shaking hand on Ville’s knee. “Willa, please-”
“Willa, please.” Ville mocked Bam with a sharp hiss. “Oh shut up. You’re why she left me, you know. Why she decided that I wasn’t good enough. She said it was all because of you and your childish ways. Your bloody faggot kisses and the touching. The way you looked at me…you want me, don’t you Bammie?”
“Ville! I…I…” Bam almost lost his balance and Ville caught him by his arms, shoving him down to his knees once again. Bam hissed in pain when fingernails dug into his flesh, struggling against the more petite man as he was pulled between long legs. He was way stronger than he looked. “Ville stop!”
Ville snickered and began to unzip his jeans, popping the button with his index finger. “Come on Bam you aren’t being any fun. I’m giving you the chance to get what you’ve wanted. Don’t you want to brag to all your little friends about how you finally got to fuck me? I’ll let you tell everyone you want. Tweet it, whatever.”
“I’d never do that shit and you know it!” Bam insisted, eyes becoming slightly watery. He tried to keep the tears back, he didn’t want to look weak in front of Ville. The pressure was getting to him. He couldn’t believe that he actually thought of him as some kind of star fucker, someone out to ride on his image. The fact that the bulge in his jeans was pressing against his zipper didn’t help his case much either. He had to beg Ville to believe him.
“Suck it Bam.”
“No!”
“Come on, why not? It’s what little fan girls dream of doing. Don’t you find me attractive anymore?” Ville’s long fingers tangled in messy brown hair and forced his head down. “Is there someone else you fancy stalking now?”
Bam thrashed slightly and shoved Ville off of him, back into the bed. “Let me the fuck go!”
Breathing heavily, Ville sat up on his elbows and suddenly grew pale as the reality of what he had just done slammed into him. Tears were streaking down Bam’s flushed cheeks and he only stared at his wrists. The bruises were small, but stark against tanned flesh nonetheless. He rubbed them gently and then looked up at the vocalist who stared back in horror. Bam blinked, standing up.
“Maybe I should go….you need to rest, Ville.” His voice cracked slightly. “I’ll come back around later.”
Before the skater could go any further, a pair of long arms wrapped around his strong torso, pulling him back gently. He sighed and helplessly leaned back into Ville’s taught warm body. Ville rested his chin on his shoulder and closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to behave that way, couldn’t believe he’d actually assaulted his best friend. He felt sick to his stomach and his hands felt as if they were burning. He just wanted to scare Bam…but his actual lust for the skater almost drove him to take it too far. He didn’t want anything that happened between them to be forced.
He wanted to hear his soft yet gruff voice telling him that he needed more, to go deeper, faster. He wanted to be pulled closer into his body until it was impossible for them to be any closer. If anything it was Bam that was keeping him sane at that very moment. If he hadn’t come to Finland and scraped his practically lifeless, malnourished body off of the floor of his living room then he was pretty sure that he would still be drowning his sorrows in anything else he could get his hands on at the pub. Misery after all, was his trigger. Bam was his saving grace, and he almost destroyed his angel. Ripped his wings out and let him fall.
“Bammie. I’m so sorry…” He trailed off, tightening his arms around him. He wanted to let his body speak. It expressed more than he ever could have.
There was a loud bang on the door. “Bam? Bam?!” Jess called from the other side. “You okay?”
Bam held Ville’s arms around him tightly and took a deep breath, trying to calm him down. “Yeah, we’re good. Me and Vil’ were just dickin’ around. Fucker had me pinned and I was pissed that he won.”
There was a pause and then Jess finally answered. “Fine. I heard you screaming and…never mind. Quit being a fucking sore loser asshole.”
“Fuck you too.”
“Ape says dinner in ten.”
“Cool, we gotta fix this shit up and we’ll be down…” Bam waited until he heard Jess’ retreating footsteps and then craned his neck up to look up at the older man, who was staring down at him almost dejectedly. “You’re going through it right now. I only came to apologize to you for being a bitch.”
“How can you forgive me so quickly after what I just did to you! Bam I almost forced you to…” Ville gasped incredulously. Bam turned in his arms and shook him a little.
“Hey, I said it’s okay. You know me and my mouth. I say fucked up shit all the time, I know what it’s like. I‘m used to people wanting to kick my ass. I know I’m annoying as hell.”
“I-I…I said…how could I say those things? Bam, I sounded like all of those assholes in the tabloids, and on the websites. I don’t want you to expect that kind of talk from anyone. You shouldn’t be used to it.” Ville ranted.
“Ville.”
The Finn shook his head and tried to wriggle out of Bam’s grasp. “No. Don’t condone it. don’t enable me. Forget everything that I said. Jonna wasn’t your fault, nothing was. I‘m a sick miserable bastard. A rapist-”
“Hey, no! Valo, shut your pretty fucking face.” Bam ordered, nodding in satisfaction when he quieted instantly. “It’s cool…believe me, you step out of line I’ll let you know. I said it’s okay. You didn’t put your cock in my mouth, right? If you wanted to you would have. You aren’t a rapist. Strong as hell, but not a rapist. I Just don’t want you use those cancer filled shits to drown out your pain…I’m here. Talk to me. Talk to Jess or call up Migè. Hell, talk to Ape! Let me tell you man, she was the first one who was ready to kick some ass for you when she heard what went down.”
“Bam-”
Bam reached out and squeezed Ville’s lips shut together between his forefinger and his thumb. “Seriously. Shut the hell up already.” He let go after a moment, when Ville nodded in confirmation. “Lets forget all about this. We’re gonna get through it.”
Ville couldn’t help but let out a low laugh, the deep timbre sending shivers down Bam’s spine. “I’ll have to thank April later I suppose…I promised that I would let her make me reindeer shaped cookies.”
“...Reindeer?” Bam’s eyes widened a bit in disturbance and Ville blinked.
“Yes, reindeer. You know that it’s a Finnish delicacy so don’t act surprised. I am after all, a vegetarian. I’ll have to compromise.”
“C’mon, man. Really?”
“I’m serious, actually.”
“Vil!”
“Ever wonder why Santa doesn’t come to Finland? With us around he won’t be able to get back to his workshop.”
“You’re sick. Fucking mingin’ dude.” Bam broke out into peals of laughter and Ville soon joined in, both clinging onto each other for dear life as they dissolved into a tangled heap of giggles right on the floor. Bam’s legs somehow ending up thrown over Ville’s slender torso.
“Hey Willa…”
“Hm?”
“You should…laugh more. S’good. I mean, it looks nice when you’re smiling. Your laugh, it’s…it’s cool. Fuck!” Bam threw his head back and groaned. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes Bam. I do know what you mean.” Ville giggled, patting Bam’s thigh lightly. “I’ll do my best, but I mustn’t get too ecstatic. The next thing you know I’ll be writing cliché, stride-happily-down-the-street-whilst-smiling-way-too-hard, tunes.”
Bam gave a mock shiver and narrowed his eyes, feigning disturbance. “….no. You can‘t let the happiness eat your darkness alive.” He said in a half whisper, trying his best not to ruin it with the smile that was just begging to dominate his face.
“But Bammie,” Ville’s voice became high, whiny, and damsel in distress like as he placed a hand on his chest. “I can’t stop it. Whatever will I do if I become…happy?”
“Curse this evil!” Bam tilted his head up to the ceiling and screamed, flailing his arms for effect. “It’s the devil’s handiwork! We shall banish it, and cleanse your soul.”
Ville stared at him for a moment, lips twitching slightly. “…“Cleanse my soul?” Honestly, Bam?” A snort escaped him and it sent Bam into a fit of giggles, rolling over on his stomach.
“Hey, It sounded cool in my head…I heard it in some movie once.”
“Idiot. What will I do with you?” The older man murmured softly, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
“Love me anyway?” Bam whispered, being careful not to move so that it wouldn’t scare Ville’s touch off.
“Always, my love. Always.”
My darlings, how did you like the update? I apologise if Ville getting a bit violent made your heart jump but it was nessessary for the development if his character. I hope you enjoyed this bit and please mind the font change in the last couple lines. I will fix it as soon as I get some rest. <3
Author: xbrokendollzx
Summary: You can ignore it all you want, maybe even laugh at it because it sounds ridiculous, but you can't make the truth go away. Especially when it's nails are clawing down your back and it's bleeding you dry.
Pairing: Vam
Rating/Warnings: R, NC-17 in the later chapters. Contains Angst, M/M, Language, Smex, Violence and Humor. References to Alcoholism.
Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, and never happened. We're crossing our fingers.
Author's note: This chapter has a violent scene in it. If you are sensitive, please feel free to skip.
“Hey…” Bam whispered, slowly taking a step toward the seemingly docile Finn, who was way more interested in the carpet than him. “Let me get this…okay?“ Just as his fingers touched the bottle with an intent of confiscating it, red rimmed eyes bore up into him.
“Get out Bam, Why couldn’t you just leave me be?” He murmured weakly, lightly swinging the vodka bottle from side to side, watching the bubbles form in the liquid.
Bam kneeled in front of Ville and gently pried the alcohol from his hand, wrinkling his nose at the strong stench of cigarette. “Christ babe…what did you do?”
“Don’t worry.” Ville gave Bam a lopsided smile. “I haven’t had any. I very much wanted to, but unfortunately it’s been nothing but a few packs of Marlboros. Wouldn’t you like it though? If we got fucked off of it and passed out. Like old times.”
“You think I want you drunk? No Ville. That part of your life is over.”
“I thought you would. To be honest, I was contemplating it. Maybe if I was me again everything could be the way it was.” Ville said, almost thoughtfully. “We’ll clean out all of the bars like we used to. I would be fun again.”
Bam tensed up slightly as the ramblings registered in his mind. Ville almost ended up downing an entire bottle because he was insecure about how much of a cool friend he was? There had to be something else behind the sudden thought of a drinking binge. Ville’s temptation was almost totally non-existent now. He usually watched everyone else get muffed with amusement, even played bartender. Could that have really been what had driven him as far as thinking about resorting to his old habits, what he thought of him?
“You’re fun the way you are. In fact, sometimes you’re as much of a nut job as I am. There’s no way in hell I would let you put your damn health on the line for anyone. You come first.” He stood and gently pushed Ville back, pulling off his beat up chucks. “Just chill for a sec. You’re starting to breathe weird. It’s freaking me out.”
“You said it your fucking self…you liked me better that way. If I’m miserable then I’ll write better lyrics.” The small air of hurt in Ville’s tone caused even more guilt to engulf Bam.
‘Stupid damn mouth, I swear. Never shuts the hell up!’ Bam ranted inside his head. Fucking media. Fucking fans. Fucking him.
“Calm down. I didn’t mean any of that bullshit I said. Well…maybe I did at the time because I was pissed. You know I’m a dick, Willa. It was retarded of me to even say it and I take every idiot word back.”
“You are an idiot. A very big mouthed, irresponsible, irritating one.” Ville said bluntly.
“I know.” Bam got up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I get it, V. If you wanna talk later we can…Imma give you your space.”
“Why?” Ville purred suddenly, eyes glazed over with lust. His tongue darted out slightly to lick over pouty lips. “Stay and perhaps we can fulfill some of your sick little fantasies. Don’t you want that? To fuck your favorite rock star? You’ve already dedicated your body to me. Why not give it over completely?”
His eyes widened and he shook his head gently placed a shaking hand on Ville’s knee. “Willa, please-”
“Willa, please.” Ville mocked Bam with a sharp hiss. “Oh shut up. You’re why she left me, you know. Why she decided that I wasn’t good enough. She said it was all because of you and your childish ways. Your bloody faggot kisses and the touching. The way you looked at me…you want me, don’t you Bammie?”
“Ville! I…I…” Bam almost lost his balance and Ville caught him by his arms, shoving him down to his knees once again. Bam hissed in pain when fingernails dug into his flesh, struggling against the more petite man as he was pulled between long legs. He was way stronger than he looked. “Ville stop!”
Ville snickered and began to unzip his jeans, popping the button with his index finger. “Come on Bam you aren’t being any fun. I’m giving you the chance to get what you’ve wanted. Don’t you want to brag to all your little friends about how you finally got to fuck me? I’ll let you tell everyone you want. Tweet it, whatever.”
“I’d never do that shit and you know it!” Bam insisted, eyes becoming slightly watery. He tried to keep the tears back, he didn’t want to look weak in front of Ville. The pressure was getting to him. He couldn’t believe that he actually thought of him as some kind of star fucker, someone out to ride on his image. The fact that the bulge in his jeans was pressing against his zipper didn’t help his case much either. He had to beg Ville to believe him.
“Suck it Bam.”
“No!”
“Come on, why not? It’s what little fan girls dream of doing. Don’t you find me attractive anymore?” Ville’s long fingers tangled in messy brown hair and forced his head down. “Is there someone else you fancy stalking now?”
Bam thrashed slightly and shoved Ville off of him, back into the bed. “Let me the fuck go!”
Breathing heavily, Ville sat up on his elbows and suddenly grew pale as the reality of what he had just done slammed into him. Tears were streaking down Bam’s flushed cheeks and he only stared at his wrists. The bruises were small, but stark against tanned flesh nonetheless. He rubbed them gently and then looked up at the vocalist who stared back in horror. Bam blinked, standing up.
“Maybe I should go….you need to rest, Ville.” His voice cracked slightly. “I’ll come back around later.”
Before the skater could go any further, a pair of long arms wrapped around his strong torso, pulling him back gently. He sighed and helplessly leaned back into Ville’s taught warm body. Ville rested his chin on his shoulder and closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to behave that way, couldn’t believe he’d actually assaulted his best friend. He felt sick to his stomach and his hands felt as if they were burning. He just wanted to scare Bam…but his actual lust for the skater almost drove him to take it too far. He didn’t want anything that happened between them to be forced.
He wanted to hear his soft yet gruff voice telling him that he needed more, to go deeper, faster. He wanted to be pulled closer into his body until it was impossible for them to be any closer. If anything it was Bam that was keeping him sane at that very moment. If he hadn’t come to Finland and scraped his practically lifeless, malnourished body off of the floor of his living room then he was pretty sure that he would still be drowning his sorrows in anything else he could get his hands on at the pub. Misery after all, was his trigger. Bam was his saving grace, and he almost destroyed his angel. Ripped his wings out and let him fall.
“Bammie. I’m so sorry…” He trailed off, tightening his arms around him. He wanted to let his body speak. It expressed more than he ever could have.
There was a loud bang on the door. “Bam? Bam?!” Jess called from the other side. “You okay?”
Bam held Ville’s arms around him tightly and took a deep breath, trying to calm him down. “Yeah, we’re good. Me and Vil’ were just dickin’ around. Fucker had me pinned and I was pissed that he won.”
There was a pause and then Jess finally answered. “Fine. I heard you screaming and…never mind. Quit being a fucking sore loser asshole.”
“Fuck you too.”
“Ape says dinner in ten.”
“Cool, we gotta fix this shit up and we’ll be down…” Bam waited until he heard Jess’ retreating footsteps and then craned his neck up to look up at the older man, who was staring down at him almost dejectedly. “You’re going through it right now. I only came to apologize to you for being a bitch.”
“How can you forgive me so quickly after what I just did to you! Bam I almost forced you to…” Ville gasped incredulously. Bam turned in his arms and shook him a little.
“Hey, I said it’s okay. You know me and my mouth. I say fucked up shit all the time, I know what it’s like. I‘m used to people wanting to kick my ass. I know I’m annoying as hell.”
“I-I…I said…how could I say those things? Bam, I sounded like all of those assholes in the tabloids, and on the websites. I don’t want you to expect that kind of talk from anyone. You shouldn’t be used to it.” Ville ranted.
“Ville.”
The Finn shook his head and tried to wriggle out of Bam’s grasp. “No. Don’t condone it. don’t enable me. Forget everything that I said. Jonna wasn’t your fault, nothing was. I‘m a sick miserable bastard. A rapist-”
“Hey, no! Valo, shut your pretty fucking face.” Bam ordered, nodding in satisfaction when he quieted instantly. “It’s cool…believe me, you step out of line I’ll let you know. I said it’s okay. You didn’t put your cock in my mouth, right? If you wanted to you would have. You aren’t a rapist. Strong as hell, but not a rapist. I Just don’t want you use those cancer filled shits to drown out your pain…I’m here. Talk to me. Talk to Jess or call up Migè. Hell, talk to Ape! Let me tell you man, she was the first one who was ready to kick some ass for you when she heard what went down.”
“Bam-”
Bam reached out and squeezed Ville’s lips shut together between his forefinger and his thumb. “Seriously. Shut the hell up already.” He let go after a moment, when Ville nodded in confirmation. “Lets forget all about this. We’re gonna get through it.”
Ville couldn’t help but let out a low laugh, the deep timbre sending shivers down Bam’s spine. “I’ll have to thank April later I suppose…I promised that I would let her make me reindeer shaped cookies.”
“...Reindeer?” Bam’s eyes widened a bit in disturbance and Ville blinked.
“Yes, reindeer. You know that it’s a Finnish delicacy so don’t act surprised. I am after all, a vegetarian. I’ll have to compromise.”
“C’mon, man. Really?”
“I’m serious, actually.”
“Vil!”
“Ever wonder why Santa doesn’t come to Finland? With us around he won’t be able to get back to his workshop.”
“You’re sick. Fucking mingin’ dude.” Bam broke out into peals of laughter and Ville soon joined in, both clinging onto each other for dear life as they dissolved into a tangled heap of giggles right on the floor. Bam’s legs somehow ending up thrown over Ville’s slender torso.
“Hey Willa…”
“Hm?”
“You should…laugh more. S’good. I mean, it looks nice when you’re smiling. Your laugh, it’s…it’s cool. Fuck!” Bam threw his head back and groaned. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes Bam. I do know what you mean.” Ville giggled, patting Bam’s thigh lightly. “I’ll do my best, but I mustn’t get too ecstatic. The next thing you know I’ll be writing cliché, stride-happily-down-the-street-whilst-smiling-way-too-hard, tunes.”
Bam gave a mock shiver and narrowed his eyes, feigning disturbance. “….no. You can‘t let the happiness eat your darkness alive.” He said in a half whisper, trying his best not to ruin it with the smile that was just begging to dominate his face.
“But Bammie,” Ville’s voice became high, whiny, and damsel in distress like as he placed a hand on his chest. “I can’t stop it. Whatever will I do if I become…happy?”
“Curse this evil!” Bam tilted his head up to the ceiling and screamed, flailing his arms for effect. “It’s the devil’s handiwork! We shall banish it, and cleanse your soul.”
Ville stared at him for a moment, lips twitching slightly. “…“Cleanse my soul?” Honestly, Bam?” A snort escaped him and it sent Bam into a fit of giggles, rolling over on his stomach.
“Hey, It sounded cool in my head…I heard it in some movie once.”
“Idiot. What will I do with you?” The older man murmured softly, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
“Love me anyway?” Bam whispered, being careful not to move so that it wouldn’t scare Ville’s touch off.
“Always, my love. Always.”
My darlings, how did you like the update? I apologise if Ville getting a bit violent made your heart jump but it was nessessary for the development if his character. I hope you enjoyed this bit and please mind the font change in the last couple lines. I will fix it as soon as I get some rest. <3