louder than words chapter 3
Hi all! this chapter may be a little shorter then usual but i've started doing different shifts at work and until i get used to them, it means less time to write.
I need help from my lovely readers! i have a plot point that i will be using further on in the story but until then i have no idea where this is going! so if anyone has any ideas i'd love to hear them!!!!
this chapter is dedicated to
karinvambecause she's the love of my life and i miss her more than anything,
xkissxofxdawnxcos she's such a sweetheart and gives brilliant virtual hugs! and
cazrie666 just cos she rocks and was one of the first friends i made on this site! this is for you my lovelys! hope it doesn't suck!
RATING- pg13(?) a couple of swear words and brief mentions of death and drugs
PAIRING- eventually vam
DISCLAIMER- still don't own them, i'd let you all know if i did!!!
When Bam regained consciousness, he was laying on the sofa in the bus, with all five band members watching him silently. Unable to anything else, he stared back warily waiting for them to start asking the questions that he really didn't want to answer. It didn't long.
"What the hell was that back there?" Mige exclaimed angrily. "We know you for under two days and already our lives have been turned into a fucking action film. We're musicians, not getaway drivers for whatever twisted thing you did to deserve them coming after you."
"Mige, leave him alone." Ville scolded. "There has to be a reason for what happened and I trust him, I don't believe that he could have done anything bad enough to deserve death threats."
"Fine." Mige sighed in exasperation. "Find out what your boyfriend has to say for himself but I still think we should have left him with the police." He stormed off towards the bunks, leaving everyone else in an awkward silence.
"I'm so sorry darling, he's not usually like that, he's just a little overprotective of the band sometimes. Anyway, how are you feeling? Would you like some water?"
A small nod had Ville scrambling to get a bottle of water from the kitchenette before helping to prop him uop enough so that he could drink and he winced slightly when his notebook was placed beside him on the sofa.
"We need to know sweetheart." Ville said apologetically, smiling encouragingly when he put down the bottle and picked up the pen instead. He stared at the page for what felt like a lifetime, tears of frustration threatening to fall and he nearly bolted when he felt someone put an arm around him but upon noticing it was Ville trying to offer some comfort he relaxed slightly.
"How about starting by telling us who those men were?" Ville suggested, sensing that Bam just didn't know how to start writing it all down.
They were drug dealers.
"You're a drug addict?" Linde asked, shocked. Shaking his head frantically, Bam stared up at Ville with pleading eyes.
"It's ok Bam, I believe you. Why were they after you though?"
I'm not sure, they either want money or just want to kill me. Probably both.
"Why? I know this is hard for you to talk about but I don't understand and I can't help you if I don't know what's happened."
My friend Novak was a heroin addict and he used to deal with them all the time. I was out with him one evening and we saw them, they wanted money from him but neither of us had any. We ran but they came after us, I was too quick but they got hold of Novak. I saw them kill him.
The tears were building up behind his eyes threatening to blind him with their intensity but he carried on writing, almost feeling like a burden was being lifted with each word he put on paper.
My family turned on me, they thought I was on drugs too and they blamed me for his death and I couldn't handle their hatred any longer so I ran. I never meant to let him down.
All four men reading could feel the desperation, pain and guilt in his words and it affected them all more than they thought was possible. Taking the notebook, Gas went to find Mige, a look of grim determination on his face.
Ville glanced over at the hunched figure next to him and it became obvious that Bam was waiting for them to blame him as well, to add to the guilt that he was already carrying. Pulling him a little bit closer, Ville used his free hand to grip Bam's chin gently, lifting his face to look at him.
"It wasn't your fault sweetheart."
Nodding angrily, Bam started trying to mouth something, frustrated that he couldn't communicate. Burton quickly found him a spare piece of paper and he started scribbling on it, pouring out his self hatred into words.
It is my fault. I was there, I should have done something, I should have stopped them. I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. They had wepaons and it happened so quickly that I didn't have a chance and now my friend is dead and it's all my fault because I was too much of a fucking coward to stop them.
"Bam, you listen to me." Ville said sharply, ignoring the slight flinch at his tone. "I saw those guys today. Even if you'd have tried to do something there's no way you could have stopped them, you'd have just gotten yourself killed too. Your family had no right to blame you for anything, you did nothing wrong. It's time to let go of the guilt sweetheart."
That seemed to be the permission Bam had been waiting for to finally mourn his friend and he gave in, crying desperate, broken sobs into Ville's shoulder as the older man cradled him close and whispered nonsense into his ear in an attempt to soothe him.
It wasn't until Bam had exhausted himself into a fitful sleep thatMige returned to the main part of the bus, and before he could say anything, Ville spoke up.
"He stays with us Mige, whether you like it or not. We're all he has now and I'm not going to abandon him on the street like his family did."
"I agree."
"You do?" Ville had prepared himself for arguments and hadn't thought for one second that Mige would agree.
"I read what he wrote and I feel bad for the guy. He's obviously been through hell and if we can help him, we should."
When everyone just stared at him in suprise, he rushed to defend himself. "What? I can admit I'm wrong, everyone makes mistakes at times."
"Ok, well I think he should travel with us on the bus for a while until he feels safer, he seems to trust us a little."
"He trusts you, not us." Burton pointed out, gesturing to the sleeping man that was leaning on his shoulder.
"That means he'll be staying with me in hotel rooms as well then so we need to let Seppo know to book me rooms with two beds in because I'm not spending the whole tour on couches."
"He needs new clothes too."
"I'll take him shopping first chance we get." Ville sighed, already envisioning the problems he was going to have, taking Bam to a crowded place like a mall. "He's not gonna like it though."
"Yeah I know but he's gonna have to get used to being around people at some point and you can't always be with him." Linde pointed out kindly.
"I know. I just hope he does eventually get better. I'm kinda worried that he's too broken to be fixed."
"He'll be ok Ville,he just needs us to be patient and help him. Speaking of which, if we let him sleep in that position much longer, he's gonna ache like hell in the morning. Let's get him into one of the bunks, he'll be more comfortable there."
It took some doing but eventually Ville managed to pick Bam up bridal style and carry him to his bunk, gently putting him into the bed and covering him up without waking him. Grabbing some spare sheets on the way back, he said goodnight to the rest of the band who were heading off to bed, reminding them to keep quiet so they didn't scare Bam. Then, making up his bed for the night, he prepared himself for another night on the sofa.
***************
When Bam awoke it was still dark but the faintest hint of dawn struggling to break through were evident. He barely processed the fact that someone had put him to bed as he wrapped the duvet round his cold body and stumbled awkwardly out to the main part of the bus, only to stop in his tracks when he saw Ville fast asleep on the sofa.
Without thinking, he took a hesitant step forward, not entirely sure what he was doing, just knowing that he wanted to be closer to him. Taking small, barely there steps he eventually found himself sitting on the floorin front of his face, silently taking in the delicate features.
A dark lock of hair had fallen in front of Ville's eyes and it kept tempting him, practically begging him to brush it away, to feel it's softness and stop it from obstructing the porcelain doll face of his rescuer. He wasn't sure how long he sat there watching the rise and fall of Ville's chest as he slept but in the end he couldn't stop himself.
His hand reached out and gently pushed the silky soft hair behind Ville's ear before allowing his fingertips to drift down equally soft skin until he reached his plump red lips.
"Bam?"
The soft whisper of his name made him pull his hand away quickly , horror filled eyes meeting sleepy, confused green. He gasped out a couple of breaths struggling to make words of apology even though he knew he couldn't. Struggling to get to his feet, he forgot he was still wrapped in the duvet until he tripped on it, sending him falling back to the floor with a painful sounding thud.
"Bam, stop panicking sweetheart, it's ok I promise." Ville pleaded, concerned that the boy was going to hurt himself even more. Looking out of the window, he had an idea.
"Come with me." He ordered gently, picking up Bam's notebook and pen. Keeping his own duvet wrapped around him, he stepped out of the bus, waiting for Bam to follow him.
They'd stopped in a car park somewhere around midnight so the driver could sleep for a bit and Ville sat down on the steps pulling the younger man down next to him and arranging the covers so they were both wrapped up together.
Writing in the notebook, Bam handed it back to him, without even glancing at him. I'm sorry for what I did, please don't be angry with me.
"I'm not angry with you darling, of course I'm not. I would like to know why you were sitting on the floor touching me instead of being in bed and asleep!" Ville replied jokingly as Bam blushed heavily.
I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so I thought I'd come out to the main bit so I didn't wake anyone up but you were already there. You had some hair covering your face, I just meant to brush it away that was all.
"And that meant you had to touch my lips?!" When Bam flushed even darker and trained his eyes onto the ground, Ville wrapped an arm round him, trying to assure him that it was ok.
"I'm not trying to embarrass you sweetheart, I'm just trying to figure you out. Are you gay? Bisexual? I'm not gonna be angry if you are, I'm openly bisexual and the guys don't mind either so you're completely safe with us."
I don't know. I've only ever had girlfriends but I've seen men that I think are attractive, I've just never done anything about it. But you, you've been so good to me and not asked for anything in return and you haven't hurt me even though you could have and no one would have known. I didn't mean to touch you, it's just, you looked.....perfect. Like an angel.
Smiling softly at the confession, Ville pulled Bam closer and quickly pressed their lips together in a chaste, sweet, gentle kiss. Not letting Bam question what had just happened, Ville took his notebook and placed it on the other side of him, pulling him into a loose embrace.
"Just watch, darling. We're one of the very few people in the world who actually get to see this." He whispered against the shell of Bam's ear.
Relaxing, Bam, lent back into Ville's arms and together they watched the sun rise on a new day.