Don't Let Go
Title: Don't Let Go
Pairing: vam
Rating: PG13 - wee bit of bad language
Summary: second chances, song fic-ish
BAM:
I hesitated at the door, ignoring the way the bouncer looked at me funny for holding up the line, then shoved a crumpled bill at the big man. Cover charge paid, I moved into the dark club, my eyes adjusting almost immediately thanks to the oversized sunglasses I wore to hide my face. Too many people recognized me these days, but thats the price of fame. I didn't want to be recognized tonight. Especially not here.
I ordered a beer, tossing another bill on the bar, then found myself the darkest corner near the stage. I inched closer, watching where the spotlights fell so I could figure out where the band's blind spots would be. Someone bumped into me, and I almost spilled my beer. The guy started to apologize, then I saw the recognition click in the klutz's eyes. Fuck. I muttered something unintellible, and slid away into deeper shadow, praying to whoever watched over me that the guy didn't have one of those damn phone cameras. At least it was just another fan and not security. The band wouldn't find out I was here.
I settled finally to the left of the stage, almost up against a bank of amps. I knew I was too close, but I couldn't help it. This was my secret, my private vice. Something no one else wanted to understand, especially not Missy when it inevitably came out. She found out the truth, and it sent her running from me.
The house lights dimmed and I felt my body tense. The band was introduced, and I had to close my eyes. The first bars of the opening song started, and I was barely able to draw a breath. My eyes opened again as the singer's voice reached out, my gaze drawn instantly to the tall man, that last breath stolen from my lungs.
He was so fucking beautiful. Every time I saw him, it was like falling in love all over again. Long hair, dark curls brushing the shoulders of his t-shirt. Curls made to be twined around fingers in the small hours before dawn. Mouth partially hidden now by the moustache and beard. You'd never guess how soft, how mobile that mouth was until you kissed it. And the eyes. Green eyes that pierced into my very soul, made it impossible for me to lie and gave me a calmness and peace I'd never felt with anyone before. Eyes that were shuttered to me now, ever since that fiasco in February.
I swallowed half my beer in one long draught, savoring the heady taste. My mouth moved, lip syncing the lyrics to every song, songs I knew by heart. My eyes never left the green-eyed man as my body swayed in unconscious mirror reflection of every move he made, almost as if we were connected by the music.
VILLE:
I'd been expecting it all evening. There was no way we'd play this close to his home and he wouldn't show up. We hadn't spoken in ages, and he never came backstage or even let me know he was there, but the security people had been telling me for months now that he was showing up whenever we played the smaller venues.
I thought it was a joke the first time they told me me he was wearing disguises. At least, until the first time I caught him all dressed up, when he felt bold enough to venture up to the footlights one night when we were playing somewhere in the mid-West.
I was more than halfway through the set before that odd sense of familiarity just couldn't be ignored any longer. I moved closer to the edge of the stage, pretending to sing to the people there, slowly scanning across the crowd until my eyes fixated on this blonde guy off to one side. Something about him drew me, but I couldn't pin it down until our eyes met. There was no mistaking his eyes.
As soon as our gazes touched, he turned and took off into the crowd. I didn't see him again for weeks, and he didn't answer his phone when I tried to call him after the show. I wasn't surprised, he never returned my calls these days. In fact, he had stopped returning them after I skipped his wedding.
After that night, I had security looking for him whenever we played in a club setting, and more nights than not, he would turn up. He doesn't wear the disguises as much now, but he still never comes close, never speaks, never tries to reach out to me. I knew why, but it didn't make it any easier to bear. Still, I would rather have him there and silent than not there at all. Twisted, I know, but hurting was better than nothing.
They came back and told me he was here about 15 minutes before we were due on stage. Part of me was relieved - at least he was still coming, that had to count for something. Part of me was pissed off - this no man's land we were in was driving me crazy. I moved into the wings of the stage, hidden by the heavy velvet curtains, and peeked out.
He was off to the left, but closer than he had been in a while. Despite the dark glasses and crappy lighting, I could see that he wasn't looking too good. He looked tired, and that little spastic ADHD bounce in his step wasn't there. This was bullshit. I made up my mind that tonight was going to be different. No more of this sneaking in and sneaking out.
When we took the stage, I made sure to stay close to where he was skulking by the amps. It was an effort, but I managed not to look directly at him, just the occasional glance in his direction. Enough to see that he was still there, mouthing the lyrics. I was afraid he'd left part way through the first set when I couldn't find him, but by the end of the song, he was back in the shadows, a new beer in hand.
After that, I changed the set list just a bit, switching up the order of songs. I knew the fans would probably be confused and the guys pissed, but i couldn't help myself. I started singing, twisting the words, hoping it would be enough to reach him the same way his presence kept reaching for me.
BAM:
I'd been to enough of their shows that I knew the play lists by heart. They had a couple different lists and rotated them depending on how the guys were feeling. Nights when they were tired, they would start out slow, playing the softer songs first and then letting the crowd's feedback wave of energy give them the kick to rip through the hard stuff. Other nights, they would come out screaming, kickstarting the audience from the first note.
Tonight was a kick-ass night. They sounded awesome, and for a minute, I really wished I could be there backstage like in the old days. Nights when I snuck out to hear them play were the only times I let myself acknowledge just how much I missed them. Or how much I missed him. Carefully stopping that line of thought, I took a swig from my fresh beer, and edged a little closer to the stage. It was risky being this close, but I knew what song was up next and that he would be doing his little hip shake thing (don't think about how seeing that made my knees weak every time) and hanging over Linde on the other end of the stage.
I about dropped my beer for the second time that night when instead they began to play "Right Here In My Arms."
Your smile is like heaven down on earth
Sun is shining so bright on you
And all your wishes have finally come true
And my heart is weeping.
Your happiness is killing me.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
What the fuck? Those weren't the lyrics. He might have forgotten or fumbled a line now and then when he was drunk, but I had never heard him change a song like this. I saw the guys onstage looking at each other, obviously confused too, but they never missed a beat. Then he moved closer, coming to where I was standing. I should have turned and vanished. I stayed.
VILLE:
I heard the crowd muttering as I sang, but frankly, I didn't care. They are my damn songs, and I'll sing them however I want. I kept an eye on him, though. I half expected him to run off. I worked my way to his side of the stage and was pleased that he was still there in the shadows.
So hard you're trying
But my heart won't turn to stone... oh no
I keep on trying
And I won't leave you alone
You'll never be alone
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
I sank to my knees, putting everything of me I could into my voice. He stayed right where he was.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
I crawled to the edge of the stage and let my eyes find his. I couldn't tell if he was looking back, those damn glasses hid too much. The song was almost over before he moved. He slid the glasses off, and the shimmering crystal blue of his eyes went straight through my heart. The crowd by now had quieted, and the space around him widened as they realized where my attention was focused. I launched into the last repetition of the chorus, one arm outstretched, reaching for him.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
Please be right here in these arms
I won't let go
BAM:
I knew I should have run, but I didn't. I couldn't. As soon as he started to sing, as soon as I heard the lyric changes, I knew he knew I was there. It was inevitable, I guess. I pushed my luck one too many times and someone saw me. Maybe I did it subconsciously. I'd been sneaking into more and more shows lately. Since Missy walked out on me four months after the wedding, I had too much time on my hands and was less and less able to keep myself occupied with other things. With staying away from him. With hiding the truth.
When he came over and looked at me, really looked at me, I was so scared I wanted to throw up. Every word he sang resonated inside, and it took all I had to stay there by the amps. What I really wanted to do was jump up on that stage and just hold him. Touch him. Let all the space between us disappear.
I settled for taking off my shades.
It felt like being hit by a jolt of pure electricity when our eyes met, no walls between us for the first time in forever. One minute I was in the shadow of the amps, the next I was pressed up to the stage, between the footlights, close enough to see the tiny flecks in his eyes.
When his voice trailed off and his hand reached out, the world around me froze. In that still moment, I thought through a thousand scenarios, envisioned a million reasons why I shouldn't do this, and one all-consuming reason why I should.
With the next heartbeat, I reached out too, fingers sliding through his own, my voice whispering up at him.
"Don't let go."
Pairing: vam
Rating: PG13 - wee bit of bad language
Summary: second chances, song fic-ish
BAM:
I hesitated at the door, ignoring the way the bouncer looked at me funny for holding up the line, then shoved a crumpled bill at the big man. Cover charge paid, I moved into the dark club, my eyes adjusting almost immediately thanks to the oversized sunglasses I wore to hide my face. Too many people recognized me these days, but thats the price of fame. I didn't want to be recognized tonight. Especially not here.
I ordered a beer, tossing another bill on the bar, then found myself the darkest corner near the stage. I inched closer, watching where the spotlights fell so I could figure out where the band's blind spots would be. Someone bumped into me, and I almost spilled my beer. The guy started to apologize, then I saw the recognition click in the klutz's eyes. Fuck. I muttered something unintellible, and slid away into deeper shadow, praying to whoever watched over me that the guy didn't have one of those damn phone cameras. At least it was just another fan and not security. The band wouldn't find out I was here.
I settled finally to the left of the stage, almost up against a bank of amps. I knew I was too close, but I couldn't help it. This was my secret, my private vice. Something no one else wanted to understand, especially not Missy when it inevitably came out. She found out the truth, and it sent her running from me.
The house lights dimmed and I felt my body tense. The band was introduced, and I had to close my eyes. The first bars of the opening song started, and I was barely able to draw a breath. My eyes opened again as the singer's voice reached out, my gaze drawn instantly to the tall man, that last breath stolen from my lungs.
He was so fucking beautiful. Every time I saw him, it was like falling in love all over again. Long hair, dark curls brushing the shoulders of his t-shirt. Curls made to be twined around fingers in the small hours before dawn. Mouth partially hidden now by the moustache and beard. You'd never guess how soft, how mobile that mouth was until you kissed it. And the eyes. Green eyes that pierced into my very soul, made it impossible for me to lie and gave me a calmness and peace I'd never felt with anyone before. Eyes that were shuttered to me now, ever since that fiasco in February.
I swallowed half my beer in one long draught, savoring the heady taste. My mouth moved, lip syncing the lyrics to every song, songs I knew by heart. My eyes never left the green-eyed man as my body swayed in unconscious mirror reflection of every move he made, almost as if we were connected by the music.
VILLE:
I'd been expecting it all evening. There was no way we'd play this close to his home and he wouldn't show up. We hadn't spoken in ages, and he never came backstage or even let me know he was there, but the security people had been telling me for months now that he was showing up whenever we played the smaller venues.
I thought it was a joke the first time they told me me he was wearing disguises. At least, until the first time I caught him all dressed up, when he felt bold enough to venture up to the footlights one night when we were playing somewhere in the mid-West.
I was more than halfway through the set before that odd sense of familiarity just couldn't be ignored any longer. I moved closer to the edge of the stage, pretending to sing to the people there, slowly scanning across the crowd until my eyes fixated on this blonde guy off to one side. Something about him drew me, but I couldn't pin it down until our eyes met. There was no mistaking his eyes.
As soon as our gazes touched, he turned and took off into the crowd. I didn't see him again for weeks, and he didn't answer his phone when I tried to call him after the show. I wasn't surprised, he never returned my calls these days. In fact, he had stopped returning them after I skipped his wedding.
After that night, I had security looking for him whenever we played in a club setting, and more nights than not, he would turn up. He doesn't wear the disguises as much now, but he still never comes close, never speaks, never tries to reach out to me. I knew why, but it didn't make it any easier to bear. Still, I would rather have him there and silent than not there at all. Twisted, I know, but hurting was better than nothing.
They came back and told me he was here about 15 minutes before we were due on stage. Part of me was relieved - at least he was still coming, that had to count for something. Part of me was pissed off - this no man's land we were in was driving me crazy. I moved into the wings of the stage, hidden by the heavy velvet curtains, and peeked out.
He was off to the left, but closer than he had been in a while. Despite the dark glasses and crappy lighting, I could see that he wasn't looking too good. He looked tired, and that little spastic ADHD bounce in his step wasn't there. This was bullshit. I made up my mind that tonight was going to be different. No more of this sneaking in and sneaking out.
When we took the stage, I made sure to stay close to where he was skulking by the amps. It was an effort, but I managed not to look directly at him, just the occasional glance in his direction. Enough to see that he was still there, mouthing the lyrics. I was afraid he'd left part way through the first set when I couldn't find him, but by the end of the song, he was back in the shadows, a new beer in hand.
After that, I changed the set list just a bit, switching up the order of songs. I knew the fans would probably be confused and the guys pissed, but i couldn't help myself. I started singing, twisting the words, hoping it would be enough to reach him the same way his presence kept reaching for me.
BAM:
I'd been to enough of their shows that I knew the play lists by heart. They had a couple different lists and rotated them depending on how the guys were feeling. Nights when they were tired, they would start out slow, playing the softer songs first and then letting the crowd's feedback wave of energy give them the kick to rip through the hard stuff. Other nights, they would come out screaming, kickstarting the audience from the first note.
Tonight was a kick-ass night. They sounded awesome, and for a minute, I really wished I could be there backstage like in the old days. Nights when I snuck out to hear them play were the only times I let myself acknowledge just how much I missed them. Or how much I missed him. Carefully stopping that line of thought, I took a swig from my fresh beer, and edged a little closer to the stage. It was risky being this close, but I knew what song was up next and that he would be doing his little hip shake thing (don't think about how seeing that made my knees weak every time) and hanging over Linde on the other end of the stage.
I about dropped my beer for the second time that night when instead they began to play "Right Here In My Arms."
Your smile is like heaven down on earth
Sun is shining so bright on you
And all your wishes have finally come true
And my heart is weeping.
Your happiness is killing me.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
What the fuck? Those weren't the lyrics. He might have forgotten or fumbled a line now and then when he was drunk, but I had never heard him change a song like this. I saw the guys onstage looking at each other, obviously confused too, but they never missed a beat. Then he moved closer, coming to where I was standing. I should have turned and vanished. I stayed.
VILLE:
I heard the crowd muttering as I sang, but frankly, I didn't care. They are my damn songs, and I'll sing them however I want. I kept an eye on him, though. I half expected him to run off. I worked my way to his side of the stage and was pleased that he was still there in the shadows.
So hard you're trying
But my heart won't turn to stone... oh no
I keep on trying
And I won't leave you alone
You'll never be alone
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
I sank to my knees, putting everything of me I could into my voice. He stayed right where he was.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
You'll be right here in these arms
I can't let go
I crawled to the edge of the stage and let my eyes find his. I couldn't tell if he was looking back, those damn glasses hid too much. The song was almost over before he moved. He slid the glasses off, and the shimmering crystal blue of his eyes went straight through my heart. The crowd by now had quieted, and the space around him widened as they realized where my attention was focused. I launched into the last repetition of the chorus, one arm outstretched, reaching for him.
You should be right here in my arms
So in Love
Please be right here in these arms
I won't let go
BAM:
I knew I should have run, but I didn't. I couldn't. As soon as he started to sing, as soon as I heard the lyric changes, I knew he knew I was there. It was inevitable, I guess. I pushed my luck one too many times and someone saw me. Maybe I did it subconsciously. I'd been sneaking into more and more shows lately. Since Missy walked out on me four months after the wedding, I had too much time on my hands and was less and less able to keep myself occupied with other things. With staying away from him. With hiding the truth.
When he came over and looked at me, really looked at me, I was so scared I wanted to throw up. Every word he sang resonated inside, and it took all I had to stay there by the amps. What I really wanted to do was jump up on that stage and just hold him. Touch him. Let all the space between us disappear.
I settled for taking off my shades.
It felt like being hit by a jolt of pure electricity when our eyes met, no walls between us for the first time in forever. One minute I was in the shadow of the amps, the next I was pressed up to the stage, between the footlights, close enough to see the tiny flecks in his eyes.
When his voice trailed off and his hand reached out, the world around me froze. In that still moment, I thought through a thousand scenarios, envisioned a million reasons why I shouldn't do this, and one all-consuming reason why I should.
With the next heartbeat, I reached out too, fingers sliding through his own, my voice whispering up at him.
"Don't let go."