An updated version
Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote in here. Some bad and some good.
I think that things have changed with certain people this semester. Some of the things I wish did not have to change and some needed change. I do infact think it's interesting how some people are easily able to move on or ignore people before getting to know them for who they really are. My biggest fear beginning this semester was worrying about what people would think of me because I was dealing with some minor depression (that includes this semester onlyl last semester was more of moderate to severe) and anxiety. This goes for everyone who reads this: backing off from people that have some problems doesn't help, especially if you guys are friends. It only makes things worse for both the person and possibly for yourself. You have to think, 'Is this the way I would want to be treated if this happened to me?' People can still go out and have fun, but realize that someone may get better because of you. Someone you may try to push away may become your lifeline later on. Don't ever forget about your other friends. People walk into your life for a reason, whether it be at the wrong time or the right time. If it is the wrong time, it could become the right time a couple of years down the road. Nothing is all good or bad, but I believe that what you make of everything is what matters. That is why I am glad that depression and anxiety no longer control my life to the point where I can't function.
I am doing much better physically and emotionally. Sure there are things that still bother me at times, but I am able to push them out of my head, lay back and relax. I wound up in the ER in January due to some circumstances that became too overwhelming for me to handle and reminded me of some bad stuff that happened the semester before. Like I had mentioned in previous entries, breakups are hard, but you can make them harder on yourself if it's someone you love and care about. I took a long time dealing with that and wanting things I knew I could not have. My problem is that I expect things to happen way too quickly then life can handle. I have been learning to be patient and it shows, not just with my realizations, but from what other friends have noticed too. It makes me feel better as well knowing that I can eat again without feeling depressed. I like not having to rely on Justin for everything, which is how I felt last semester, and I felt like I imposed a lot on him that I can't repay him for. I also know that I can't repay Kathy for everything she has done for me. She's a wonderful person and I'm sure if you had the chance to know her, you would agree with me.
I am happy to report that I have gained weight since last semester (and that was scary) and I am now at 125. That is a huge change from 116. It's good progress and my friends have told me I look so much better and that I look like I'm happy again. I feel like this is the happiest I have been in my life since the beginning of February. I feel good, I'm looking better, and things aren't as hard as I made them out to be. I feel like I could take anything that could come my way again. I think the old me is back, but not completely. What I went through did change me, but I think for the better. I believe it made me a more vibrant person who appreciates the small things in life. Material things in life should not matter, and to me, helping people and having loving friends and family is more important than living in a mansion or having massive amounts of money.
I can't wait to be a nurse. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I dread going to my management clinical, but I love the people that I work with. I have had some of the best patients and ones I will not forget. Books can't teach you how to sit with a patient and celebrate their 87th birthday knowing it would make the patient happy for you to have some birthday cake with them. Books don't tell you how to support patient who are afraid to go to the nursing home because of prior experiences. And no book or teacher can ever give you the exact definition of caring. To me, caring for someone is more then giving out medication, starting IV's, making beds, cleaning wounds, etc. It's about being there for the patient, talking with them, making them laugh when they are sad, giving a hug when it is needed, listening to them talk about what is bothering them when they think that nobody cares, and the list could go on and on. That is how I intend to start practicing, it's the same thing I've been doing since I've started. I think I'm defintely a different kind of nurse and I want to show what I do to other people, so that maybe one day, nursing includes exceptional care that comes from the heart, not just promoting wellness and health. You can never care too much about someone.
I am applying for jobs in the areas of Pediatrics and Psychiatric Care. I would also like to work with older adults at some point in time as well. I have loved children for as long as I can remember (even though there were those times in my life where I have said that I didn't like it or never wanted kids...but my perspectives have changed a lot) and it makes me happy to work with them. I loved teaching swimming to kids. Amazingly, after 5 years, I still stay in touch with many of the kids I had taught over the years. There was this girl named Anna who was so afraid of the water when I first worked with her. She didn't want to go under water, much less get in, but after finding a way to work with her, she became an amazing swimmer. She told me recently she had won a gold medal in the 100 freestyle at a regional swim meet a couple weeks ago. I also will never forget Megan or Jasmin, those other two girls hold a special place in my heart. Although, my last day of ever teaching swimming, the kids I had throughout the years had thrown a small get together for me to wish me well in finishing college. It made me feel like I had made someone else's life better and had impacted them in a way to where they not only liked swimming, but to the point where they had fun and had someone that was into what they did. I can't even tell you out of all the kids who have come into my life that I have babysat for, tried to encourage, and stayed in touch with over the years. I truly believe all the kids I have ever worked with have greatly impacted my life for the best. I hope that in the end things work out...I'm hoping I get an interview with Children's Memorial...that IS my dream job.
I can only hope for better things in the future. There is no place to go but up. I hope that one day my wish (and I'm not telling because it probably won't come true...yes I believe in that stuff) will come true, not now, but later on. As for me now, all I plan on doing is finishing school as a single girl, just having a fun time, getting a job I know I will love, smiling, and driving in the demolition derby in the Ottawa County Fair in Ohio in July...in a dress...I want to make a statement :)
I think that things have changed with certain people this semester. Some of the things I wish did not have to change and some needed change. I do infact think it's interesting how some people are easily able to move on or ignore people before getting to know them for who they really are. My biggest fear beginning this semester was worrying about what people would think of me because I was dealing with some minor depression (that includes this semester onlyl last semester was more of moderate to severe) and anxiety. This goes for everyone who reads this: backing off from people that have some problems doesn't help, especially if you guys are friends. It only makes things worse for both the person and possibly for yourself. You have to think, 'Is this the way I would want to be treated if this happened to me?' People can still go out and have fun, but realize that someone may get better because of you. Someone you may try to push away may become your lifeline later on. Don't ever forget about your other friends. People walk into your life for a reason, whether it be at the wrong time or the right time. If it is the wrong time, it could become the right time a couple of years down the road. Nothing is all good or bad, but I believe that what you make of everything is what matters. That is why I am glad that depression and anxiety no longer control my life to the point where I can't function.
I am doing much better physically and emotionally. Sure there are things that still bother me at times, but I am able to push them out of my head, lay back and relax. I wound up in the ER in January due to some circumstances that became too overwhelming for me to handle and reminded me of some bad stuff that happened the semester before. Like I had mentioned in previous entries, breakups are hard, but you can make them harder on yourself if it's someone you love and care about. I took a long time dealing with that and wanting things I knew I could not have. My problem is that I expect things to happen way too quickly then life can handle. I have been learning to be patient and it shows, not just with my realizations, but from what other friends have noticed too. It makes me feel better as well knowing that I can eat again without feeling depressed. I like not having to rely on Justin for everything, which is how I felt last semester, and I felt like I imposed a lot on him that I can't repay him for. I also know that I can't repay Kathy for everything she has done for me. She's a wonderful person and I'm sure if you had the chance to know her, you would agree with me.
I am happy to report that I have gained weight since last semester (and that was scary) and I am now at 125. That is a huge change from 116. It's good progress and my friends have told me I look so much better and that I look like I'm happy again. I feel like this is the happiest I have been in my life since the beginning of February. I feel good, I'm looking better, and things aren't as hard as I made them out to be. I feel like I could take anything that could come my way again. I think the old me is back, but not completely. What I went through did change me, but I think for the better. I believe it made me a more vibrant person who appreciates the small things in life. Material things in life should not matter, and to me, helping people and having loving friends and family is more important than living in a mansion or having massive amounts of money.
I can't wait to be a nurse. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I dread going to my management clinical, but I love the people that I work with. I have had some of the best patients and ones I will not forget. Books can't teach you how to sit with a patient and celebrate their 87th birthday knowing it would make the patient happy for you to have some birthday cake with them. Books don't tell you how to support patient who are afraid to go to the nursing home because of prior experiences. And no book or teacher can ever give you the exact definition of caring. To me, caring for someone is more then giving out medication, starting IV's, making beds, cleaning wounds, etc. It's about being there for the patient, talking with them, making them laugh when they are sad, giving a hug when it is needed, listening to them talk about what is bothering them when they think that nobody cares, and the list could go on and on. That is how I intend to start practicing, it's the same thing I've been doing since I've started. I think I'm defintely a different kind of nurse and I want to show what I do to other people, so that maybe one day, nursing includes exceptional care that comes from the heart, not just promoting wellness and health. You can never care too much about someone.
I am applying for jobs in the areas of Pediatrics and Psychiatric Care. I would also like to work with older adults at some point in time as well. I have loved children for as long as I can remember (even though there were those times in my life where I have said that I didn't like it or never wanted kids...but my perspectives have changed a lot) and it makes me happy to work with them. I loved teaching swimming to kids. Amazingly, after 5 years, I still stay in touch with many of the kids I had taught over the years. There was this girl named Anna who was so afraid of the water when I first worked with her. She didn't want to go under water, much less get in, but after finding a way to work with her, she became an amazing swimmer. She told me recently she had won a gold medal in the 100 freestyle at a regional swim meet a couple weeks ago. I also will never forget Megan or Jasmin, those other two girls hold a special place in my heart. Although, my last day of ever teaching swimming, the kids I had throughout the years had thrown a small get together for me to wish me well in finishing college. It made me feel like I had made someone else's life better and had impacted them in a way to where they not only liked swimming, but to the point where they had fun and had someone that was into what they did. I can't even tell you out of all the kids who have come into my life that I have babysat for, tried to encourage, and stayed in touch with over the years. I truly believe all the kids I have ever worked with have greatly impacted my life for the best. I hope that in the end things work out...I'm hoping I get an interview with Children's Memorial...that IS my dream job.
I can only hope for better things in the future. There is no place to go but up. I hope that one day my wish (and I'm not telling because it probably won't come true...yes I believe in that stuff) will come true, not now, but later on. As for me now, all I plan on doing is finishing school as a single girl, just having a fun time, getting a job I know I will love, smiling, and driving in the demolition derby in the Ottawa County Fair in Ohio in July...in a dress...I want to make a statement :)