should i give up; or should i just keep chasing pavements (even if it leads nowhere?)
we are who we are, from the day we are born.
and try as you might, but some things don't change.
you can't change something that's always been there.
you can't undefine yourself.
you can't expect yourself to be any different, from the way you were born to be.
i was making my own natural soap when i was twelve and i'm still making my own natural shampoo at the age of twenty-eight. i was a loudmouth when i was a kid and god help me as an adult, i still remain the same. i've been dreaming about japan since i was in primary school and i finally made it my reality this year.
the heart wants what it wants and you can either fight it, or you can just roll with it. it's something that will never leave you and when you're ready - it will still be there to embrace.
at this point; i'm okay.
in some parts, i'm not where i thought i'd be.
but in others, i couldn't imagine doing anything different.
on christmas eve, it will be four and a half years with simon.
and the years have taken a toll on us. to expect something to remain the same for such an amount of time, is ridiculous. things change, people change, life changes. and that's inevitable - you have to adapt.
my life was theme parks and his life was performing. we were young and full of dreams and geniunally thought that would work. and i'm crying writing this, because fuck me - i never wanted anything more than to work for that company. i put my everything into luna during the time i was there and that wasn't enough. and it hurt letting such a big part of me go, but in time - i learnt to accept.
that's the same with si.
he was never going to be the greatest performer and it took him awhile to realise that. and it's hard to find yourself a plan b - when that was never meant to be an option. why should you have to settle for anything less than you were destined to be?
and that's the fucked up thing about life; change has to occur.
he's now studying to be a teacher.
his head wanted to take the safe choice and study english at the beginning. now he's listening to his heart a little more and is majoring in music/drama. it may not have been something he ever imagined for himself, but it's simply where he needed to be.
but we're still here, four and a half years later.
our relationship isn't ideal at the moment, but we're not giving up on eachother. we stand by and support the other in our own special way and that's what love is. it's not giving up when you can't be bothered anymore. it's trying and trying, until you find a way to make it work.
and i will always be there to hold his hand, whilst he figures it out.
my heart still breaks when i think of the dreams i left behind, but it will always be a part of me. i bought myself a disney castle necklace in tokyo and keep it close to my heart. there will always be a part of me that believes that disney is the most incredible place on earth (because it is) and i will never forget that part of me.
and si's learning too.
he's now teaching kids at a performing arts school and is trying to get his business started again. you can accept that some things weren't meant to be & try to make of it what you can. but there will always be that part of you that needs to be satisfied and will never let you go. you just have to find a way to keep it with you, in whatever way you make it.
and to me; it's a necklace.
life doesn't always end up the way we planned.
the key is to pick apart the parts you love and find a way to make it work.
and try as you might, but some things don't change.
you can't change something that's always been there.
you can't undefine yourself.
you can't expect yourself to be any different, from the way you were born to be.
i was making my own natural soap when i was twelve and i'm still making my own natural shampoo at the age of twenty-eight. i was a loudmouth when i was a kid and god help me as an adult, i still remain the same. i've been dreaming about japan since i was in primary school and i finally made it my reality this year.
the heart wants what it wants and you can either fight it, or you can just roll with it. it's something that will never leave you and when you're ready - it will still be there to embrace.
at this point; i'm okay.
in some parts, i'm not where i thought i'd be.
but in others, i couldn't imagine doing anything different.
on christmas eve, it will be four and a half years with simon.
and the years have taken a toll on us. to expect something to remain the same for such an amount of time, is ridiculous. things change, people change, life changes. and that's inevitable - you have to adapt.
my life was theme parks and his life was performing. we were young and full of dreams and geniunally thought that would work. and i'm crying writing this, because fuck me - i never wanted anything more than to work for that company. i put my everything into luna during the time i was there and that wasn't enough. and it hurt letting such a big part of me go, but in time - i learnt to accept.
that's the same with si.
he was never going to be the greatest performer and it took him awhile to realise that. and it's hard to find yourself a plan b - when that was never meant to be an option. why should you have to settle for anything less than you were destined to be?
and that's the fucked up thing about life; change has to occur.
he's now studying to be a teacher.
his head wanted to take the safe choice and study english at the beginning. now he's listening to his heart a little more and is majoring in music/drama. it may not have been something he ever imagined for himself, but it's simply where he needed to be.
but we're still here, four and a half years later.
our relationship isn't ideal at the moment, but we're not giving up on eachother. we stand by and support the other in our own special way and that's what love is. it's not giving up when you can't be bothered anymore. it's trying and trying, until you find a way to make it work.
and i will always be there to hold his hand, whilst he figures it out.
my heart still breaks when i think of the dreams i left behind, but it will always be a part of me. i bought myself a disney castle necklace in tokyo and keep it close to my heart. there will always be a part of me that believes that disney is the most incredible place on earth (because it is) and i will never forget that part of me.
and si's learning too.
he's now teaching kids at a performing arts school and is trying to get his business started again. you can accept that some things weren't meant to be & try to make of it what you can. but there will always be that part of you that needs to be satisfied and will never let you go. you just have to find a way to keep it with you, in whatever way you make it.
and to me; it's a necklace.
life doesn't always end up the way we planned.
the key is to pick apart the parts you love and find a way to make it work.