Update
I haven't been on this site in forever. Of course I'm hesitant to pick up where I left off, whining and complaining over stupid stupid things. I can try to consciously avoid any repetition, but despite any changes that have occurred in the past 129 weeks it seems I still wallow in cynicism for the most part. College is ridiculous. People don't really change, they grow physically and obtain a few more pieces of information they believe relevant to their success or happiness and call it "change." At least now I feel significantly more secure in isolation. The abandonment wasn't as difficult as one would imagine. It just took dedication and consistency. The only hitch in my plans now is once again the fault of another. It's so tiring to put on the social charade and laugh and communicate. Why do people feel drawn to or curious about anyone who in anyway exhibits a desire to be alone? I know there are a lot of people who pretend to want solitude only to get attention, but I honestly don't believe I fall under that title. I've grown to kind of enjoy the constant dialogue in my head without going too far. I've worked so hard to gain a sense of worth in and of myself without relying upon the acknowledgment of others as validation and feel almost complete. I'm almost firmly set in the present and then I'll begin on the future.
(So far the only future that I could even imagine as fulfilling would be as some sort of ascetic Buddhist monk wandering shoeless through a forest somewhere in China. Fitting?)
(So far the only future that I could even imagine as fulfilling would be as some sort of ascetic Buddhist monk wandering shoeless through a forest somewhere in China. Fitting?)