Why can i not have what i think i need?
so;
got back from Brunel.. had a much awesome time. have never been so drunk in so little time.
a few memorable moments are as follows;
getting completely horrible late at Brunel
getting ratted in a Uni nightclub dancing to trashy music.
waking up at 4am and making a cup of tea.
trekking all the way to London centre to get East 17 tickets for G-A-Y that night (YES I DID SAY EAST 17 - BRIAN HARVEY ETC)
getting on a tube for about an hour with some incredibly drunk Uni friends.. who then decided to climb all over the carriage holders and everything.. fucking hairlarious.
walking to G-A-Y and had such a wicked night... dancing to cheesy 90`s tunes and seeing East 17.
getting to the wrong bus stop at 3.30am and having to wait till 4.10am to the next one.
getting back to Brunel at 6.00am in the morning... waking up at 11 and made some soup.
went to Tescos and got food.
Having been dared to down 4 pints of Cider.. and having to take up the dare.. at 5.00 in the afternoon :( ON A FUCKING SUNDAY.. getting trollied.. rolling around in random hallways.. then blowing up copious amounts of condoms on my head.
much funage was had by all.
although, now, i feel rather complacent.
this weekend, was one of the best i have had in such a long time.. but also.. in a way... the most upsetting.
i dont want anyone who i dont know to read this.. so for LJ purposes call the person.. urm... Randy (as in Randy Gardner.. any psychologists know him too?!?)
so i was dancing with Randy all night at G-A-Y and i have fancied this person for soo long. things started to get a bit heated.. and i was having an awesome time. so much flirting etc etc. i kinda wanted to kiss this person so so much.. and after about 2 hours of loads of flirtation.. i went for it. it was nice. although.. i dont know.. i wish it could have been different. it was one of those moments.. when i know straight away that i should not have done it.. but i couldnt resist. we spoke about it etc.. and agreed that things are so fucked up right now.. that its all too confusing.. i was really upset because i had put so much courage into it.. as i NEVER do stuff like that.. and i dont know.. i wish it could have been diferent. but it wasnt.
we drove back to Oxford today and spoke about it some more. both agreed it wasnt right.. although.. through my teeth.. i wish it could be right. i havent felt that way for soo long. something was there.. and it felt so so good.. but it just COULDNT happen. i want that moment again. i would play it differently.
i swear.
but now.. everything is fucked and i return to being absoloutly fuck all.
got back from Brunel.. had a much awesome time. have never been so drunk in so little time.
a few memorable moments are as follows;
getting completely horrible late at Brunel
getting ratted in a Uni nightclub dancing to trashy music.
waking up at 4am and making a cup of tea.
trekking all the way to London centre to get East 17 tickets for G-A-Y that night (YES I DID SAY EAST 17 - BRIAN HARVEY ETC)
getting on a tube for about an hour with some incredibly drunk Uni friends.. who then decided to climb all over the carriage holders and everything.. fucking hairlarious.
walking to G-A-Y and had such a wicked night... dancing to cheesy 90`s tunes and seeing East 17.
getting to the wrong bus stop at 3.30am and having to wait till 4.10am to the next one.
getting back to Brunel at 6.00am in the morning... waking up at 11 and made some soup.
went to Tescos and got food.
Having been dared to down 4 pints of Cider.. and having to take up the dare.. at 5.00 in the afternoon :( ON A FUCKING SUNDAY.. getting trollied.. rolling around in random hallways.. then blowing up copious amounts of condoms on my head.
much funage was had by all.
although, now, i feel rather complacent.
this weekend, was one of the best i have had in such a long time.. but also.. in a way... the most upsetting.
i dont want anyone who i dont know to read this.. so for LJ purposes call the person.. urm... Randy (as in Randy Gardner.. any psychologists know him too?!?)
so i was dancing with Randy all night at G-A-Y and i have fancied this person for soo long. things started to get a bit heated.. and i was having an awesome time. so much flirting etc etc. i kinda wanted to kiss this person so so much.. and after about 2 hours of loads of flirtation.. i went for it. it was nice. although.. i dont know.. i wish it could have been different. it was one of those moments.. when i know straight away that i should not have done it.. but i couldnt resist. we spoke about it etc.. and agreed that things are so fucked up right now.. that its all too confusing.. i was really upset because i had put so much courage into it.. as i NEVER do stuff like that.. and i dont know.. i wish it could have been diferent. but it wasnt.
we drove back to Oxford today and spoke about it some more. both agreed it wasnt right.. although.. through my teeth.. i wish it could be right. i havent felt that way for soo long. something was there.. and it felt so so good.. but it just COULDNT happen. i want that moment again. i would play it differently.
i swear.
but now.. everything is fucked and i return to being absoloutly fuck all.