(no subject)
okay so this weekend has been crazy. everything has just now caught up with me and i really dont know what to do with everything. and somehow i always seem to take it out on the people(or person) that i love.
i went up to Saginaw on monday to registure for classes... me.. registuring for college classes.. it just seems sooo.. weird. and scary. it still doesnt seem like im this far ahead. like i should be going back to high school in august instead of moving and hour and a half away. so im taking 4 classes, 12 credit hours. my first class doesnt start till 1pm.. which is kinda cool i guess. i get to sleep in. but im in a stupied math class that doesnt even count towards graduation. its just to recap on all of the math ive learned.. i guess. im also taking 2 english classes. one is for reading or something and the other one for writing or somthing. then i have my biology class. this is the one that im scared for. (im going into pre-med if you all didnt know). but this class doesnt start till 5:20 and on thursdays doesnt even get out till 8:50 P.M. i think im gonna change that. i dont know if i like it to much. but me n brandy have the same classes, not at the same time or the same professors, but we do have the same classes.. which makes me extremely happy. but i made 2 new friends at orientation. which i was happy about. that was kinda cool.
then me and my mom were talking about next year and how i want to come home every other weekend and she was trying to talk me out of it. i want to come home that much to see my boyfriend.. i am going to miss him greatly and i want to see him. but i dont want to come to my home. thats they whole point of moving an hour away, is to just get away from my mother. and the other reason that i was goin to come home everyother weekend was because i was gonna bowl on a league with jon n them. idk its stupied of me for even thinking like this but whenever jon says hey lets do something or i need you then i hop skip and jump just so i can be there. idk a part of me doesnt want to give up haveing my boys around because they are like brothers to me. i still love them. but then again im so sick of being treated like shit and getting blown off all the time. so screw them. im not going to be in their stupied bowling thing. im gonna come down as much as possible to be with my boyfriend. but other then that screw them.
then theres the thing with the girls. i love love love them to death but i dont want to deal with everyone elses drama. i want to help as much as i can to make you feel better but i dont want to be the little transfer girl. i hate being that person. something bad always happeneds. im sick of my friends not being my friends when i need them. and always sticking with one friend, then when something happeneds they pick a totally new person to follow around and call all the time. im sick of feeling not wanted or loved or appreciated or listened to. expecially by my family. i feel like they cant wait to get rid of me. it seems like nothing is going right for me. my uncle who i never ever get to see isnt even comming to my openhouse. then my aunt didnt even want to come to my commencements. when things are suppost to be about me someone always has to take the glory. i know that is selfish but i would like to be recognized sometimes. i want to be the one that everyone is proud of. it just gets fustraiting after a while.
the all night grad party was soo much fun! the most fun ive had sense prom.(which wasnt really all that long ago). but i think i strained a muscle in my neck from on of the toys that they had set up and i seriously couldnt move my head. it hurt so bad i thought i was gonna have to have like a neck brace or something. well i am a complainer.. a big one... if you havent figured that one out already, and me being me i just want some simpathy from the one person that it matters the most from. but i never get it. i always get jokes and teeses and taunts, and ohh poor baby, get over it. i just want some love. im needy. i cant help that. im not needy all the time, so just every once in a while, show me some love. send me something, buy me something out of the ordinary, or dont even buy it, pluck a flower from someones garden, or something. thats why i always think that way that i think when we fight. because things seem weird and i never get the cute stuff anymore so i never know how you feel. i mean i know how you feel but i just dont know for sure, ya know.
ug i just hate getting everything bottled up to where i get bitchy. im sorry. and im sorry you all have to read throu this.. if you even did. my life isnt really all that bad. i just dont see the reason for this thing other then to just let everything out when i dont know who else to let it all out to.
oh and to the class of 2006 i will miss you all tremendously. you all played a major roll in my life and shaping me to who i am today. and there are no words to thank you. its just life i guess. i hope everyone goes and becomes successful, i believe in everyone of you. dont give up, fight strong, dont hold grudges, love with all or heart, mistakes are just lessons learned.. its okay to make them, and if you all ever need anything i have an open door at SVSU and a phone that stays on all the time. hopeing that you will return the favor someday. good luck and ill see you all in the future.
i went up to Saginaw on monday to registure for classes... me.. registuring for college classes.. it just seems sooo.. weird. and scary. it still doesnt seem like im this far ahead. like i should be going back to high school in august instead of moving and hour and a half away. so im taking 4 classes, 12 credit hours. my first class doesnt start till 1pm.. which is kinda cool i guess. i get to sleep in. but im in a stupied math class that doesnt even count towards graduation. its just to recap on all of the math ive learned.. i guess. im also taking 2 english classes. one is for reading or something and the other one for writing or somthing. then i have my biology class. this is the one that im scared for. (im going into pre-med if you all didnt know). but this class doesnt start till 5:20 and on thursdays doesnt even get out till 8:50 P.M. i think im gonna change that. i dont know if i like it to much. but me n brandy have the same classes, not at the same time or the same professors, but we do have the same classes.. which makes me extremely happy. but i made 2 new friends at orientation. which i was happy about. that was kinda cool.
then me and my mom were talking about next year and how i want to come home every other weekend and she was trying to talk me out of it. i want to come home that much to see my boyfriend.. i am going to miss him greatly and i want to see him. but i dont want to come to my home. thats they whole point of moving an hour away, is to just get away from my mother. and the other reason that i was goin to come home everyother weekend was because i was gonna bowl on a league with jon n them. idk its stupied of me for even thinking like this but whenever jon says hey lets do something or i need you then i hop skip and jump just so i can be there. idk a part of me doesnt want to give up haveing my boys around because they are like brothers to me. i still love them. but then again im so sick of being treated like shit and getting blown off all the time. so screw them. im not going to be in their stupied bowling thing. im gonna come down as much as possible to be with my boyfriend. but other then that screw them.
then theres the thing with the girls. i love love love them to death but i dont want to deal with everyone elses drama. i want to help as much as i can to make you feel better but i dont want to be the little transfer girl. i hate being that person. something bad always happeneds. im sick of my friends not being my friends when i need them. and always sticking with one friend, then when something happeneds they pick a totally new person to follow around and call all the time. im sick of feeling not wanted or loved or appreciated or listened to. expecially by my family. i feel like they cant wait to get rid of me. it seems like nothing is going right for me. my uncle who i never ever get to see isnt even comming to my openhouse. then my aunt didnt even want to come to my commencements. when things are suppost to be about me someone always has to take the glory. i know that is selfish but i would like to be recognized sometimes. i want to be the one that everyone is proud of. it just gets fustraiting after a while.
the all night grad party was soo much fun! the most fun ive had sense prom.(which wasnt really all that long ago). but i think i strained a muscle in my neck from on of the toys that they had set up and i seriously couldnt move my head. it hurt so bad i thought i was gonna have to have like a neck brace or something. well i am a complainer.. a big one... if you havent figured that one out already, and me being me i just want some simpathy from the one person that it matters the most from. but i never get it. i always get jokes and teeses and taunts, and ohh poor baby, get over it. i just want some love. im needy. i cant help that. im not needy all the time, so just every once in a while, show me some love. send me something, buy me something out of the ordinary, or dont even buy it, pluck a flower from someones garden, or something. thats why i always think that way that i think when we fight. because things seem weird and i never get the cute stuff anymore so i never know how you feel. i mean i know how you feel but i just dont know for sure, ya know.
ug i just hate getting everything bottled up to where i get bitchy. im sorry. and im sorry you all have to read throu this.. if you even did. my life isnt really all that bad. i just dont see the reason for this thing other then to just let everything out when i dont know who else to let it all out to.
oh and to the class of 2006 i will miss you all tremendously. you all played a major roll in my life and shaping me to who i am today. and there are no words to thank you. its just life i guess. i hope everyone goes and becomes successful, i believe in everyone of you. dont give up, fight strong, dont hold grudges, love with all or heart, mistakes are just lessons learned.. its okay to make them, and if you all ever need anything i have an open door at SVSU and a phone that stays on all the time. hopeing that you will return the favor someday. good luck and ill see you all in the future.