(no subject)
i hate you. except i dont, which makes it worse.
so i hate myself, because thats easier.
i feel stepped on.
i feel idiotic and stupid for hanging on to something i dont even know exists anymore.
i cant believe it exists anymore, because you act like having me in your life means nothing - like if i dropped dead at this very second you would be fine.
and that feeling sucks.
i shouldnt have to feel this way, i shouldnt be that stupid girl who pines and waits and feels dumb and then lets one text or one call make up for the last week or two weeks of anxiety and pain and holding herself back.
you arent that guy. but i guess this is a sign that i really dont know you anymore.
and you wont let me know you. so why do i even bother?
i just want to see you and know that its over, because that would be so much easier at this point.
loving you used to be so easy.
now its so painful, i dont know what to do with myself.
i think missing you is helping me avoid what i really need to face and deal with at this point,
it just sucks. it really just sucks.
in other news, i managed to get up for journalism today, but i then slept through history today because i was up til 7 on sunday morning & then up til 2;30 last night. i was supposed to turn in my paper. went to his office - no envelope on either door. emailed him a copy of the paper after i slipped it under his door, but last time i emailed him after i got mono he never responded, and when i asked him in class a week later if he got my email he didnt.. im just hoping that since he DID tell us we had til 5 to turn it in [i slipped it under his door at like, 3 this afternoon] then im okay, and that if nothing else, he gets it when he goes into the office for his office hours wednesday? if hes even staying at school til wednesday? i dont know. youd think a fucking TA would be better at checking his damn email.
it was really nice to have ali here this weekend, it was just nice to do absolutely nothing of significance on a saturday night and have someone else be okay with that.
im really ready to go home.. oh goodness. im just praying that i get on that 8am flight.. it would make my life.
& now im going to do laundry/obsessively check my email & watch gilmore girls.. <33
so i hate myself, because thats easier.
i feel stepped on.
i feel idiotic and stupid for hanging on to something i dont even know exists anymore.
i cant believe it exists anymore, because you act like having me in your life means nothing - like if i dropped dead at this very second you would be fine.
and that feeling sucks.
i shouldnt have to feel this way, i shouldnt be that stupid girl who pines and waits and feels dumb and then lets one text or one call make up for the last week or two weeks of anxiety and pain and holding herself back.
you arent that guy. but i guess this is a sign that i really dont know you anymore.
and you wont let me know you. so why do i even bother?
i just want to see you and know that its over, because that would be so much easier at this point.
loving you used to be so easy.
now its so painful, i dont know what to do with myself.
i think missing you is helping me avoid what i really need to face and deal with at this point,
it just sucks. it really just sucks.
in other news, i managed to get up for journalism today, but i then slept through history today because i was up til 7 on sunday morning & then up til 2;30 last night. i was supposed to turn in my paper. went to his office - no envelope on either door. emailed him a copy of the paper after i slipped it under his door, but last time i emailed him after i got mono he never responded, and when i asked him in class a week later if he got my email he didnt.. im just hoping that since he DID tell us we had til 5 to turn it in [i slipped it under his door at like, 3 this afternoon] then im okay, and that if nothing else, he gets it when he goes into the office for his office hours wednesday? if hes even staying at school til wednesday? i dont know. youd think a fucking TA would be better at checking his damn email.
it was really nice to have ali here this weekend, it was just nice to do absolutely nothing of significance on a saturday night and have someone else be okay with that.
im really ready to go home.. oh goodness. im just praying that i get on that 8am flight.. it would make my life.
& now im going to do laundry/obsessively check my email & watch gilmore girls.. <33