what can you do, but go on

[__sidekick]

i did it. monday night i met up with him and told him i didn't want to see him or talk to him ever again. it halfway felt great, knowing that i finally stood up for myself. i can really start moving on now, and start taking care of myself. it also halfway felt horrible, knowing that he most likely isn't going to get help on his own, that he won't take care of himself but will continue to do what he's been doing. i can't just turn off my feelings for him, but when my feelings backfire on myself then it's time to re-examine them. but, i made a decision and i need to follow through with it. i called his mother today to tell her what was going on and to see if she was still okay being friends. she said she would still love to keep in touch, and she also said she understood my side and told me it was important to take care of myself first. she said "boys are weird, they're different than girls," and it made me smile. it felt good to know that she understands. i guess she's married to the man who is largely responsible for gus being the way he is, so she definitely gets it. i also got an email from his sister today which was really encouraging. i'm glad i don't have to cut them out of my life too, i really like them and they've been good to me.

i talked to barry last night, and we decided that we're going to fly to vegas, get married so that he can have canadian citizenship too, then we're going to live in cuba for six months. after that we'll come back and get divorced. good plan, right?

tonight is portugal the man, and i'm excited. time for photos and more photos.