(no subject)
Life is always a struggle, everyone just has to hold on as tight as they can… and not let go, or they’ll fall off the cliff of life. And that’s a fact. If you let go, you’ll fall down and let your life hit you pretty hard. The stress will mount on top of your life and cliff, and suffocate you till death.
Erm, yeah. Forgot what I just said. I’m a little in that scary phase at the moment…too many movies? Haha. So, I’m pretty tired actually. Life has been, weird? I’m not sure. It’s just been out of it…But most of it is all right, I guess.
All that’s happen recently has really given me things to think about. Like, I was just sitting in my room playing with Sully, when I get a call from Jake’s mother. I knew something happened, I could tell by the tone of her voice. Once I heard what had happened to Jake, I basically collapsed on my bed. But I got up immediately and left the house towards the hospital. My sister kept asking me questions as I left outside. I just told her not to worry, and I drove to the hospital. That feeling when I got that call, is a feeling I won’t forget. It was hard and something I didn’t want to believe… and to think… a couple of hours ago, I had told him, "be careful." All he said was "What can happen?"…Well, this happened.
I got to the hospital, and I immediately saw Jake’s mom pacing, and his dad sitting on a chair. Everyone was pretty nervous and worried for a long period of time. His mom wanted to find out what happened to his nose, so, I told her all I knew. She said, "That’s my boy. Always protecting others." And she’s right.
I needed to know how was Jake. To know where he was, I was loosing it. I didn’t know anything. Well, no one knew anything about how he was. So, I asked which room he was in. She pointed to a door, and inside the room you could see Jake… Jake being operated on… them pumping the medication and rum out of his stomach. Not a nice sight to see. I had a breakdown, and sat on the floor in a little scrunched up ball. My head, hidden in my knees… sobbing.
The main doctor came out… he explained that Jake was in a coma, and that they did all they could. I let Jake’s parent let them see him first. I thought it would be better. They were his parents. I didn’t want to destroy anything, you know… moments…because they were there for him. Even if Jake was in a coma, I knew he’d like that his parents were there for him. So, I waited outside till they came out. I went in later… pretty nervous as I walked in. I saw him just laying there. Peacefully… I walked towards his side. Yeah, crying. I sat beside the bed on a chair. Holding his hand, and just talking to him. I kissed him on the forehead…Saying things like; "I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be beside you always. Sleeping or not. I’m not leaving your side. Never, and if I must. I’ll stay here till you get better."
That’s when I noticed something was really wrong. He started to get pale, and sweat. His heartbeat was going quicker than normally. I freaked and got a nurse to check on him. Next I knew it; the room was packed with people trying to save him. I was still in the room, in a corner. Not believing what I was seeing. Jake had started to wake up, but he was coughing up blood, and his nose was bleeding. He moved to aside, and went back into a coma. His heart when downer, and the doctors freaked. They weren’t going to give up on him. They kept doing everything they could to save his life. And they did it. Once his heart had calmed down, they left. I was in a corner, pretty shaken up. I walked towards him, and, I saw his face and bed that had his blood. I took a towel, and just whipped the blood of him. He started to turn back to his normal skin tone. I sat beside him again, holding his hand. His parents walked in, and they asked me how he was. I couldn’t lie. I wasn’t going too. I told them. His mom was pretty freaked about it. They both rushed to the other side of him talking amongst themselves for awhile. I was caressing Jake’s hand when I felt his index finger twitch. I jumped as I stood up and looked at him carefully. His mom noticed and looked at Jake immediately. His face scrunched a little. His mom and his dad had said his name softly. Jake opened his mouth as asked, "Mom? Dad?" I was relieved, but he hadn’t opened his eyes yet. I had tears of happiness. Who didn’t? His parents were pretty happy to know he was all right now. Jake opened his eyes, and looked at me. It was nice to see him again, and to listen to his voice as he said, "Sunlight." I held back my tears. I just smiled, letting him talk all he wanted with his parents. His parents later on left to go and eat. That left me with Jake alone. We talked. I told him how I missed him and just everything really. He needed rest now that he was awake, so I let him sleep as I fell asleep curled up on a chair that was beside the bed. I really didn’t mind it; I was fine as long as he was. It got to cold though, which woke me up. I went to eat something, and since he was still sleeping after that. I decided to quickly go home, and change and stuff. I came back, and he had wakened up already. I asked how he was; he looked slightly better than before. Nothing too much happened. Just talked and, I layed down beside him. We had a nice chat. He was slightly weird at some points. He was purposely confusing me… and really bad lol I didn’t get a word after a bit… but then, I asked him if the doctors had told him when he could leave. He said one more night, and he was able to go…but under the condition that someone had to live with him to take care of him. I told him it wasn’t going to be hard to find that person to do that. He said that the person would have to move in and live with him. It got later on where he knew I would go and look after him. I just needed to check everything out with my parents. So, I left after to pack and talk to my parents about this. I am excited to move back in with him. I promised, and I mean it, that I’m going to be home more often, instead like the other times where I was barely there. But, it’s different now.
I went home, and my sister wasn’t there, but my parents were. I knew I had to tell them. They went crazy when they saw me walk in. They kept asking me where I went, and why I didn’t tell my sister. I told him not to blame anything on her, and if they needed too. Just blame it on me, but that it wasn’t going to be any use. I paused and breathed as I calmed down and told them quietly that what I wanted was to move in back with Jake. My mom shook her head, and my dad left with his hands in the air, not looking at me. He was pretty confused. My mom didn’t understand why. I wasn’t going to go and say, "Because I love him." She’d freak more. But, I told her it would be okay. That she had let me go before, and she let me go to Montreal… what difference would it make if I lived with him. I wasn’t going to disappear from their life. I would come and visit them regularly. She was all like, "Why would you live with him again, if you perfectly know you’ll come back around and live here again. Like you are now. You’ll just change your mind like before." I shook my head. "It’s different then before mom." She didn’t get it, but she knew she couldn’t stop me though. "You’re going to have to let go of me sometimes mom. I’m almost 19." She sighed and nodded… and, I’m guessing it was an okay, because she came and hugged me. I walked to the living room, looking at my dad. I hugged him; I think he understands and finally let me go. I went and packed, and I’m updating at my house now because I’m waiting to see my sister tonight. There’s something she wanted to give me, so I’m waiting for her to come. After, I’m going back to see Jake. I can’t leave him alone for long. Broken ribs aren’t good at all. Well, I’m going to walk Sully.
-Miriam xoxo
(sunlight)
P.S: I can’t just not think that the past will not haunt me again…
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