Help me, I think I'm falling, madly in love with you.
Haha, yes. Proud is the word to describe me right at this very moment. Why? Because I just fixed my info page, and I loveeee it! Check it out or die. =) I’m still going to add pictures, so don’t fret if you don’t spot yourself there. Leave me a comment and remind me, or my little brain and I will forget you =( I added a picture of us there Shenae.
So, what have I been up to lately? Dudes, I don’t even remember half of it all. I guess I’m a little over due in making an entry. Yes, sue me if you must. I just totally feel blanked out. Or, maybe because so many things happen at once, it’s hard to keep track. Yeah, that’s it. So, sorry for this ridiculous long post. But you know you love me =)… You better, or my herds of Power Rangers and Rodents will attack you like village people with axes. =)
Lmao, I just noticed I never wrote that I am back in Toronto. Well, I am. So, jump and go crazy. I missed everything back here…my house, my dog, the stores, my family and my friends. It’s great to be home, not that I didn’t like Montreal Jake lol. I loved it. So, I’m back and jumpy then I’ll ever be.
Not to long ago, Jake went to the New Jersey thing with Stacey. I saw it on the TV, well, like interviews and stuff. Guys, your screaming scared me lol. Kidding. It looked fun. So, he came back to T.O when he finished everything over there. I just felt like a nice person, and decided to like meet him at the airport. Hmm, not very friendly when I tapped him on the shoulder. Nearly chopped my head off thinking I was a fan. I am not, well, maybe ;) lmaoo. Kidding! So, after that we went to Starbucks. My baby Starbucks, how I miss the smell and coffee. Mmm, I so need to get out today and go get some Caffé Verona or something. Anyway, we went and just ate and stuff like that. Nothing too much. Then we went outside cuddling for a bit, and we decided to head out near the Lake, close to outside Toronto. So I drove there, because we were in my car. He was holding one of my hands most of the way, ha, I was afraid of loosing it and crash since I was driving with one hand. So talented I am lol. But, it didn’t happen, so good haha! We got there and just sat looking outside the Lake. We just talked most of the time, about anything that came to our minds. We were pretty close, if you want to say. I enjoyed that day. I hadn’t been near that Lake in forever. And sadly, Jake’s never been there. He misses too much in life lol.
After that, we just decided to go back home now. I was getting tired, and it was getting pretty late already. I drove back to the Airport, since we left his car there. When we got there and said our good-byes and goodnight, and then it was like everything just stopped around us. He was pretty close to me. So close for a kiss, but it didn’t happen. He ended up kissing my nose. Yeah, I know…pain. But, it’s okay. It was all really awkward after that though. Stammering and not looking at each other. So, he decided to leave. I watched him leave. Poor guy… hit his head walking backwards on a pole or something. I remember chuckling and looking down as he left. Then I totally began to hit my head on my steering wheel on the car. I’m not sure why. I guess I really wanted him to kiss me. I had been waiting for a while, but it didn’t happen. Pretty worked up over it for no reason at all. I drove back home, just thinking everything over and stuff. After that day, I wasn’t myself. I was all stressed and just, not lively as usual. I was like that for days… I’m not to sure why. That’s when Deanna came in.
She was online, and I was just talking to her you know. Because, that’s what you do online haha. I missed that girl. It’s been a while since I got to talk to her and stuff. So, it turns out we both were a little out of it that day. We decided to just hang out that night, and loosen up to forget about everything going on. I got all dressed up as I drove to her house; we were going to go clubbing. Haha, I know. I bet you’re all like, "Miriam clubbing? Eh, I don’t think so. That is something Miriam will never do." But hey, I did. I needed to loosen up… and if clubbing was the trick, I had taken that trick as a risk. I got to her house and helped her picked out some really sexy clothes. We got ready and vanished to the club. Once there, it was pretty much just great. We started to dance and just laugh. We loosen up pretty well actually. I’m glad all that dancing and drinking helped. Even if the drinking did maybe make me say stuff I shouldn’t have… and even make me have one of the worst hangovers the next day. But I lived threw it. Which I thought I wouldn’t. My head felt like coming off. Deanna says that during the whole clubbing thing, we went to her house after… because I had said something that we needed to talk about. Sorry, I just don’t remember that. What I know that she told me, is that she was all sick in the bathroom… and then I magically called a drunk Jake on the phone. Ha, now I really don’t know why I would do that. She said something about lovebirds, and I love you, and then Shenae? Yeah… I totally don’t remember that… maybe it’s best I don’t remember what I said or did. Hmm… after she drove me home, or I think…Then I had to pick up my car the next day, because we had left it at the club… being drunk, we couldn’t drive. So, my cars fine. SOOO close to getting a ticket though! Phew!
So, after that day, it was pretty normal for a few minutes lol I had taken some Advil and stuff, to help my hangover go away. I was online, and Jamie pops up and starts to talk to me. Amazing, working with him on set, and I still never see him lol So, it turned out he was lost and realizes that he’s back in T.O. What a loser lol So, we decided to hang out because, we just did haha. I go over his house, and we just talk. I kind of mentioned that I wore a skirt and was dancing on table with Deanna. Hmm… which brought us too: We decided to go out clubbing or something. Well actually, it was his idea. He said I have no opinion in this, so I had to go. We went and nothing much. Just danced, because that’s what you do in clubs lol and drank like what, 5-6 Martini’s. We got drunk eventually, but when sober pretty quickly. Martini’s don’t last long. Nice dancing by the way Jamie haha. I got to learn things about you I never knew before. Sorry I mentioned Jake’s name in the beginning. I should have known there was like some tension there. After getting bored of dancing, we went outside. We walked up to a hill, where the view was really pretty. We talked and then decided to head to watch a movie at the Theatres. It was some horror film, not nice. Yeah, I accidentally grabbed his hand in the middle… After that… I kissed his shoulder cause he was bugging how much it hurt lol…There were paparazzi there. Jamie said he didn’t like them * gasp * So I’m all like, "Lets run away." Haha, we didn’t really. Rude, but we went back to his place and hung out. We rehearsed lines, cause we were that bored lol Took some weirddd pictures. Hmm, Jamie looked like he was high in most of them lol kidding. Then we talked and I noticed it was snowing…so me being me, I wanted to go out and walk in the snow. We did that, just talking and yep! That’s when everything went slightly awkward. I start to think of Jake as Jamie asks me if he can ask me out… I told him it was something I wasn’t expecting… then, I ended it with… "We’ll see." I’m not sure what happened there… but I knew I still had feelings for Jake… Jamie got tired of walking, so we ended going back inside. We talked a bit more and after, the producers called us to set for a bit. So yeah, we went. Then right after, I went home all tired… But what we talked about was his parents… it was kind of sad to hear that he doesn’t get to see his parents often. Only like once a month. No one deserves that. That’s when it all happened… that’s when I wasn’t thinking and BANG… I knew I would feel thing later, like a smack in the face. He had leaned in to kiss me… I was out of it, even if we were both sober… but I kissed him back. And when I did… my life ended up in the garbage the next day.
When I was home, I got a text message from Jake. I read it, and it got pretty obvious he was drunk. He started to talk about Jamie, and then it all solved out to be that he knew Jamie and I had kissed. Of course, I asked him if Jamie had told him. He said he did. I don’t see why Jamie had too. I was going to tell Jake… on my own. It was something I did…He was hurt. I was hurt, for hurting him. He was right. I promised not to hurt him. He promised not to hurt me again… and I broke that promise… The answer to why I did it is now unknown. I used to have one… but now with all the questions that had been floated in my head… it all just disappeared. It’s not that I regret kissing Jamie… It was just a bad idea… knowing I had feelings for Jake… That kissed ruined pretty much everything with him and I… I needed to sort this out. I didn’t want what Jake and I had to break down because of what I did… I told him I would go to his house, so we could talk about everything. And, that’s exactly what I did. I went over there… pretty much in tears of guilt and pain… It was awful and awkward how we talked. The conversations didn’t get us anywhere really… It was upsetting… All I knew what to say was I was sorry. Which I was… he didn’t seem to believe me much. But I understand. I wouldn’t have believe me either… I needed air from outside, but he didn’t want me to go anywhere, so he kept my car keys with him. I ended up just going to the balcony for air… I just cried basically… I broke down a little… rolled up in a little ball on the floor…breathing like crazy, sobbing like mad…it was intense… everything was just going horrible… Until Jake appeared at the balcony…singing the song he wrote me. It was sweet of him, I could hear in his voice everything wasn’t completely fixed though. I stood up and grabbed his hand. I lead him back to the living room as I handed him an envelope…inside was a poem/lyrics I wrote for him… I wrote it not long ago actually. I’m not the girl who usually does stuff like that… but since I’ve spent time with Jake… I kind of changed, in a good way. And I’m happy… Well, once he read it… I felt the tension disappear. He kissed me, and said I would never lose him. I’ll always remember that.
Everything was great afterwards. So, I stayed at Jake’s for a good chuck of a time. We watched a movie together as we laid on the couch. We drank a beer or two, and ate some popcorn. The movie was kind of scary. Jake said it was a real story… and if so, urg, I’m going to remember it all tonight and have creepy nightmares. And who will I blame those nightmares on? Yeppp, Jake! I’m not a big fan of creepy movies anymore haha. We just talked pretty much, and I didn’t pay that much attention to the movie then I should have haha. After that, the day ended. I drove home and it got late at night when I remembered Shenae’s party.
Okay, so far long post. So I’ve realized haha. All right. Hmm… where was I? Oh yeah... I was supposed to like go to Shenae’s party, but I didn’t make it. Sully got sick, and I couldn’t leave her at home by herself. My mom and dad were gone, and my sister went out with her boyfriend. Sully wasn’t in a good shape to stay alone… so, you know how attached I am to her. I had to risk not going. But yesterday, Shenae and I talked online. I missed those times. But I don’t need to worry, because she’s my best friend all over again. Oh, which reminds me about Sara and Shannon. I need to email them.
Bye loves,
Miriam xoxo
[[pretend this post was awhile ago. cause im gonna be typing in a new one soon.]]