(no subject)
I drove home a jumbled mix of emotions. Thick tears obscured my vision and I kept asking myself the same question over and over: am I selfish for expecting him to want to see me or is he selfish for disregarding my feelings and leaving?
I decided it didn't matter either way. What mattered most was this:
I picked up my life and moved here because I thought I could be happy here. With him. Nine months later, I'm not all that happy here. And while he might argue I'm too attached at times, I would conversely argue that he is not attached enough. I don't feel like he cares. He spouts out the words that doting boyfriends should, but his actions betray them. I often feel unimportant. I sometimes feel like an afterthought: Oh yes, I suppose she might want to see me tonight after having been gone several days.
I don't want to be an afterthought. I want to matter. I want to feel important and cherished. And I want my boyfriend to want to see me. When faced with the options of continuing a card game or waiting for my arrival, I want him to choose me.
I know other men who would have. I know other men who did.
I decided it didn't matter either way. What mattered most was this:
I picked up my life and moved here because I thought I could be happy here. With him. Nine months later, I'm not all that happy here. And while he might argue I'm too attached at times, I would conversely argue that he is not attached enough. I don't feel like he cares. He spouts out the words that doting boyfriends should, but his actions betray them. I often feel unimportant. I sometimes feel like an afterthought: Oh yes, I suppose she might want to see me tonight after having been gone several days.
I don't want to be an afterthought. I want to matter. I want to feel important and cherished. And I want my boyfriend to want to see me. When faced with the options of continuing a card game or waiting for my arrival, I want him to choose me.
I know other men who would have. I know other men who did.