a living dance upon dead minds.
i had a job interview yesterday at claire's accessories. i'm hoping it went okay, though due to lack of prior experience with these things i really can't tell. they were all very friendly, & it'd definitely be nice to work there. it'd be at weekends, & extra days during holidays. i need the money, basically. i had to have a go handing out baskets ( Read more... )
i was expecting a rant.
i really was.
i was expecting this to be a "fuck off and die, lindsay" type thing.
and now i'm crying again.
i love you, 'zee. i really, truly do. and i know you're only trying to help, but i don't take help well. i just prefer to let things float by. it's not the best way, but it's my way. and i'm sorry if i get frustrated at you, or if it seems that way, and i'm sorry for the times i let my temper take over. and i'm sorry we had to suffer lauren. and i know it must be weird for you, too, the whole thing with luke, but i don't think i dealt with it properly myself, so i couldn't really begin to help anyone else with it. and maybe that's selfish, but i am selfish. i'm selfish and snarky and sarcastic and i don't mean to be, i really don't, and i am truly sorry for it. i love you, and i still consider you a close friend. it just seems like other people know me better now, i can talk to them more openly, and i'm sure you feel the same. i would love to be able to talk to you, to tell you everything, but something holds me back because i feel like you judge me, and maybe that's just because you're more emotionally involved or something, but it hurts.
i'm sorry, zee.
i do love you.
xo.
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