(no subject)
i watched (& taped) the guns n' roses behind the music on vh1 last night, with much hesitation at first because i feared the affects it might have on me.
the show was actually interesting & entertaining & surprisingly, no axl-bashing took place. the best part, the part that made me laugh out loud, was when they showed a clip of axl in concert wearing a t-shirt that said "no one knows i'm a lesbian" because it just captures his personality & craziness & sense of humor so perfectly.
it was all a little sad to watch, especially seeing a clip of axl fixing slash's infamous top hat because you know you're watching the life of something you loved so passionately, & that died so young, & so tragically.
whenever i see any of the concert tapes i have where axl & slash get close up, drowning in the music together & creating indescribable magic through it, it makes me angry. dammit, i wanted them to fucking fall in love an get married! heh.
the reason i hesitated to watch it was because i've been sober for a few months now. i've recovered from the insaneness of being a die-hard fan for the band & specifically, axl rose. it's like an alcoholic fearing a little champaigne toast at a wedding. even a little taste of what originally caused your problem scares the fuck out of you.
the only reason i call it a problem is because indulging in something too much, consumes you & makes you a bystander to your own life. your life, makes itself the passenger to this love. & thats when it becomes unhealthy.
i know it might sound crazy & delusional, especially to anyone that colored within the lines & never made their trees purple as a kid, but whenever i see axl rose i feel this inexplicable electric spiritual connection to him. it's not even romantic in a sense, it doesn't make me want to have his children or anything. it's something enigmatic & surreal & if anything, it makes me want to be in a playground with this demons. it makes me want to swim wildly & endlessly in the abyss of his soul's complexity. it makes me want to excavate his identity & find that thing he has, that no one else does.
it's not an obsession, it's an appreciation.
i love axl rose. but, i've said this before & i will shamelessly say it again no matter how insane or foolish it sounds, i will never love another man the way that i love patch. <3 he's my brown-eyed-boy-wonder.
xo,
lauren
the show was actually interesting & entertaining & surprisingly, no axl-bashing took place. the best part, the part that made me laugh out loud, was when they showed a clip of axl in concert wearing a t-shirt that said "no one knows i'm a lesbian" because it just captures his personality & craziness & sense of humor so perfectly.
it was all a little sad to watch, especially seeing a clip of axl fixing slash's infamous top hat because you know you're watching the life of something you loved so passionately, & that died so young, & so tragically.
whenever i see any of the concert tapes i have where axl & slash get close up, drowning in the music together & creating indescribable magic through it, it makes me angry. dammit, i wanted them to fucking fall in love an get married! heh.
the reason i hesitated to watch it was because i've been sober for a few months now. i've recovered from the insaneness of being a die-hard fan for the band & specifically, axl rose. it's like an alcoholic fearing a little champaigne toast at a wedding. even a little taste of what originally caused your problem scares the fuck out of you.
the only reason i call it a problem is because indulging in something too much, consumes you & makes you a bystander to your own life. your life, makes itself the passenger to this love. & thats when it becomes unhealthy.
i know it might sound crazy & delusional, especially to anyone that colored within the lines & never made their trees purple as a kid, but whenever i see axl rose i feel this inexplicable electric spiritual connection to him. it's not even romantic in a sense, it doesn't make me want to have his children or anything. it's something enigmatic & surreal & if anything, it makes me want to be in a playground with this demons. it makes me want to swim wildly & endlessly in the abyss of his soul's complexity. it makes me want to excavate his identity & find that thing he has, that no one else does.
it's not an obsession, it's an appreciation.
i love axl rose. but, i've said this before & i will shamelessly say it again no matter how insane or foolish it sounds, i will never love another man the way that i love patch. <3 he's my brown-eyed-boy-wonder.
xo,
lauren