whenever i breathe out. you're breathing in. (i haven't seen you around in a while)

[__letthemwait]

it was crazy…

i   was   reading   over   old   memories   which   weren’t   mine

(but i was so involved then)

& i swore

i could taste summer heat riding up my throat

i don’t know how we got to where we are today

but i don’t know if it’s possible to ever get back to where we were again

because i don’t know you anymore & your life was never

Comments

everyone should listen to 'building a desert' by modest mouse

[__letthemwait]

yeah. that's sorta what i figured. and. i remember a little less then two or three weeks ago i sat down and read (my own) journal entries, starting before i knew anyone who i know now (blogger/geocities/diaryland) all the way through blanket_summer -> languagehappens -> letthemwait. and it was sencerely bizzar. i've thought about deleting journals once i'm done with them. but it's such a trip to re read it all once things start to feel dead.

and. i'm not sure. so last night/this morning i re read all of emma's and yours and gus' and. it was just strange. and i guess selfishly i've sort of stopped using lj for personal things because. it just feels funny now that i'm not as close with the three of you. and. i don't know. i guess. i was the last one to come into all of it and the first to royal fuck up and. i just feel sorta bad, and at the same time it all is starting to feel s o d i s t a n t and i sort of hate that. because. i'm not sure. i think the three of you all individually know that i love(d) each of you so much and. regardless of if things ever change from where we're all standing now. i honestly do care. and i move slowly so. i'll be around for awhile. so. when you said we all used to care. i think in a backwards black and white polaroid sort of way we all still do. and that's sort of nice
sorry if this sounds dumb. i think it does.

carolyn m. <3