(no subject)
two updates in one week is something of a phenomenon for me but i just have a few things to say and then i'll be out of everyone's hair for awhile.
today was the last day of the semester. not sad by a long shot, but kayla moved back to montana today so my only friend in this whole town is now gone. we're going to keep in touch via air mail correspondence. letters. mix tapes. photos. whatnot's and somethings or others. i look forward to that much but i will actually miss her. alone again, so they say.
i've made the decision to cut daniel out of my life, 100%. it's so backwards, the entire thing. he's the one who wronged me yet i get punished daily. i'm the one who's alone, i'm the one in pain. he says he needs to be happy in order to survive and to him, happy means not giving a total fuck as to how his actions affect me. he says he wants me to be happy and he wants to make me happy. so i tell him what makes me unhappy and he makes no effort to change that, whatsoever, so i'm still unhappy while he's out living a life and i'm alone, always and always. so that's how it has to be. i'll be alone and i'll give up every effort i exhaust to try to keep him in my life. he won't make sacrifices and apparently talking to other girls makes him happier than keeping me in his life. it's hilarious, isn't it, how people change and how bad they can consciously hurt you? and continue to do so. it's a sick and selfish world out there, and you'd think by now i'd have realized it enough to not let people affect me in such a manner. i live the constant joke. i just want it to be over.
all of it.
today was the last day of the semester. not sad by a long shot, but kayla moved back to montana today so my only friend in this whole town is now gone. we're going to keep in touch via air mail correspondence. letters. mix tapes. photos. whatnot's and somethings or others. i look forward to that much but i will actually miss her. alone again, so they say.
i've made the decision to cut daniel out of my life, 100%. it's so backwards, the entire thing. he's the one who wronged me yet i get punished daily. i'm the one who's alone, i'm the one in pain. he says he needs to be happy in order to survive and to him, happy means not giving a total fuck as to how his actions affect me. he says he wants me to be happy and he wants to make me happy. so i tell him what makes me unhappy and he makes no effort to change that, whatsoever, so i'm still unhappy while he's out living a life and i'm alone, always and always. so that's how it has to be. i'll be alone and i'll give up every effort i exhaust to try to keep him in my life. he won't make sacrifices and apparently talking to other girls makes him happier than keeping me in his life. it's hilarious, isn't it, how people change and how bad they can consciously hurt you? and continue to do so. it's a sick and selfish world out there, and you'd think by now i'd have realized it enough to not let people affect me in such a manner. i live the constant joke. i just want it to be over.
all of it.