Three
Today I cut my class because I overslept. I read my math textbook and learned the lesson for today; I e-mailed my Public Relations Professor the essay that was due. Now despite cutting class, I'm still at Suffolk's computer lab, wasting the hours away until tonight's premiere of the third season of America's Next Top Model.
Before Sean, or the "BS" period as it shall now be referred to, I was a very... outgoing person. I enjoyed dating and meeting new people, all with the hope that one of these new people might be that one person I was looking for all along. I went on at least one date a week, with almost anyone who would go with me. Dating was a game for me, an exciting adventure.
It seems that now that Sean is out of the picture, I loathe dating. I have complete and utter contempt for it, but I do it anyway. Since I've been here, I've had three dates, all with boys named Mike. Mike, to begin with, is a name which I'd rather not be romantically involved with. Mike is my brother's name. I find it hard to imagine myself being able to separate the connotations I have with it. I love my brother, don't get me wrong, I just don't love my brother. That's gross; I'm not from the South.
Mike One:
"He'll do for now" is what I told myself when I met him. He was loud, obnoxious, had an annoying accent, and was obsessed with H&M clothing. He made me buy ridiculous underwear, which I actually see as the only positive thing to come out of it because they look quite nice on me, and wanted to see me "model" them--a privilege he never received.
We hung out three times before I realized that he was totally intolerable. My friends found him annoying, and my roommates wanted to strangle him. We were all drunk, and he was still the loudest one of us all. He still tries to call me often; I feel bad not returning his phone calls.
Mike Two:
A scenester from Allston who, after trying to get me into bed 30 minutes after meeting him, I find is "straight" and "has a girlfriend" and "doesn't want anyone to find out about this". He has a beard, he wears ridiculous clothing, is 19, he's my height, and has brown hair. I know this describes half of Allston, but if you see someone with a blue sweater with white birds on it scream, "Hey, did your girlfriend finally fuck you up the ass like you wanted her to?". That'd really make my day.
Mike Three:
A clone of Sean who lives down the street from me. I'd like him if he didn't give me the willies. He's basically "Urban Sean", because he's everything Sean would be if he lived in the city. He's a hippie, but preppy-dressed. He was a computer science major, but found the path to be isolating and unhappy, so switched to a business major. He's a former frat guy who loves to "420". Except, unlike Sean, this man was out. They're the same age, have the same goals. I think if Mike Three and Sean met, they'd fall instantly in love, and my guilt of leaving Sean would be washed free.
I still talk to Sean everyday. I live with the guilt of knowing he's alone and unhappy. I live with the guilt of knowing I'm happier without him. But I also live with wondering if I would be even happier living here... with him. A part of me thinks I would. Another part of me thinks I could find someone better. But there's a small comfort in knowing that every morning, when you roll over and open your eyes, the same person will be there.
This weekend I drunkenly made out with 2 heterosexual boys. It was more action than I got with any of the Mikes. I'm hoping my date to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow works out; I have a lot in common with this guy. I just miss the feeling of having something in common with someone. Are my interests so strange? I know tons of straight guys that like to do what I like to do, why can't one of the hundreds I know, who aren't my best friend for years, find me attractive? Oh well. I have more time to kill I guess.
Before Sean, or the "BS" period as it shall now be referred to, I was a very... outgoing person. I enjoyed dating and meeting new people, all with the hope that one of these new people might be that one person I was looking for all along. I went on at least one date a week, with almost anyone who would go with me. Dating was a game for me, an exciting adventure.
It seems that now that Sean is out of the picture, I loathe dating. I have complete and utter contempt for it, but I do it anyway. Since I've been here, I've had three dates, all with boys named Mike. Mike, to begin with, is a name which I'd rather not be romantically involved with. Mike is my brother's name. I find it hard to imagine myself being able to separate the connotations I have with it. I love my brother, don't get me wrong, I just don't love my brother. That's gross; I'm not from the South.
Mike One:
"He'll do for now" is what I told myself when I met him. He was loud, obnoxious, had an annoying accent, and was obsessed with H&M clothing. He made me buy ridiculous underwear, which I actually see as the only positive thing to come out of it because they look quite nice on me, and wanted to see me "model" them--a privilege he never received.
We hung out three times before I realized that he was totally intolerable. My friends found him annoying, and my roommates wanted to strangle him. We were all drunk, and he was still the loudest one of us all. He still tries to call me often; I feel bad not returning his phone calls.
Mike Two:
A scenester from Allston who, after trying to get me into bed 30 minutes after meeting him, I find is "straight" and "has a girlfriend" and "doesn't want anyone to find out about this". He has a beard, he wears ridiculous clothing, is 19, he's my height, and has brown hair. I know this describes half of Allston, but if you see someone with a blue sweater with white birds on it scream, "Hey, did your girlfriend finally fuck you up the ass like you wanted her to?". That'd really make my day.
Mike Three:
A clone of Sean who lives down the street from me. I'd like him if he didn't give me the willies. He's basically "Urban Sean", because he's everything Sean would be if he lived in the city. He's a hippie, but preppy-dressed. He was a computer science major, but found the path to be isolating and unhappy, so switched to a business major. He's a former frat guy who loves to "420". Except, unlike Sean, this man was out. They're the same age, have the same goals. I think if Mike Three and Sean met, they'd fall instantly in love, and my guilt of leaving Sean would be washed free.
I still talk to Sean everyday. I live with the guilt of knowing he's alone and unhappy. I live with the guilt of knowing I'm happier without him. But I also live with wondering if I would be even happier living here... with him. A part of me thinks I would. Another part of me thinks I could find someone better. But there's a small comfort in knowing that every morning, when you roll over and open your eyes, the same person will be there.
This weekend I drunkenly made out with 2 heterosexual boys. It was more action than I got with any of the Mikes. I'm hoping my date to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow works out; I have a lot in common with this guy. I just miss the feeling of having something in common with someone. Are my interests so strange? I know tons of straight guys that like to do what I like to do, why can't one of the hundreds I know, who aren't my best friend for years, find me attractive? Oh well. I have more time to kill I guess.