divorce affects my desire for steak and cookies and fruit and things.
i am incredibly, INCREDIBLY tight on money right now. i would not be in this financial panic if plane tickets were refundable and were bought with more notice.
if anybody knows of any places on campus at ithaca or somewhere downtown (with somewhat flexible hours) that is hiring, please let me know. i am pretty desperate. any suggestions are greatly welcomed.
winter break was supposed to be my chance to clear my mind, start fresh, chillthefuckout, and breath. unfortunately, i have a week left to accomplish this, and at this moment i am on the verge of literally having an emotional/nervous/mental breakdown. my heart is beating at an abnormally rapid pace for sitting down. i am angry. i am sad. and i am so tired of feeling those emotions. you know, they get old after a while, and i normally like to change things up a bit, but i can't seem to shake it and make the necessary adjustments that normally brought new emotional states. since about mid-october, angry and sad have dominated my emotional state, and it is just neverending, it seems. i miss laughing, especially. i miss making everybody around me laugh. i used to actually be funny. shocking, isn't it? (it is to me, at least.) today i am in awe of the person i once was. jealous actually.
i hate to say this, i hate to admit to this, but i can't find any other way to describe myself at this very minute other than miserable.
and i know it could be a whole lot worse. in retrospect, i am an incredibly fortunate person with a life that many people would kill for. i know this is life. but why do i feel nauseous/on-the-verge-of-vomiting every other minute ? you know, it gets old, after a while. and it affects your appetite and forces you to form a relationship with bathroom floor tiles that stare at you as you wait for the nausea to pass.
blah. let's go for a drive.
if anybody knows of any places on campus at ithaca or somewhere downtown (with somewhat flexible hours) that is hiring, please let me know. i am pretty desperate. any suggestions are greatly welcomed.
winter break was supposed to be my chance to clear my mind, start fresh, chillthefuckout, and breath. unfortunately, i have a week left to accomplish this, and at this moment i am on the verge of literally having an emotional/nervous/mental breakdown. my heart is beating at an abnormally rapid pace for sitting down. i am angry. i am sad. and i am so tired of feeling those emotions. you know, they get old after a while, and i normally like to change things up a bit, but i can't seem to shake it and make the necessary adjustments that normally brought new emotional states. since about mid-october, angry and sad have dominated my emotional state, and it is just neverending, it seems. i miss laughing, especially. i miss making everybody around me laugh. i used to actually be funny. shocking, isn't it? (it is to me, at least.) today i am in awe of the person i once was. jealous actually.
i hate to say this, i hate to admit to this, but i can't find any other way to describe myself at this very minute other than miserable.
and i know it could be a whole lot worse. in retrospect, i am an incredibly fortunate person with a life that many people would kill for. i know this is life. but why do i feel nauseous/on-the-verge-of-vomiting every other minute ? you know, it gets old, after a while. and it affects your appetite and forces you to form a relationship with bathroom floor tiles that stare at you as you wait for the nausea to pass.
blah. let's go for a drive.