(no subject)
so, yeah. i start my second job tomorrow. wohooo. babysitting. during the day. three days a week.
anyways, summer service.....so, we go to downstate illinois where (gasp!) people are rather impoverished and have (double gasp!!) southern accents????? anyways, it was an eye opening experience. if any of ya'll have the opportunity to go on co-op or anything like that....Snatch it!
so, yeah. this fellow tyler was on it. he laughed at my jokes, plays the guitar, complimented my taste in music, and read glamour with me. all in all a rather strapping fellow. looks like brad pitt. oh. my. god. but, of course he is completely out of my league. like every other fucking guy on the planet. i just feel so worthless. i have zero confidence and everytime i try and gain some, it's just atomatically shot. honestly, i have no reason to have confidence either. i have bad skin and im getting fat. and i try oh so hard to lose weight, but im just really bad at dieting. and, i mean, it's not like im obese or anything. i havent worn a swimsuit in two years....thats how unsatisfied i am with myself. i just sort of yearn to be perfect. i dont get it either, im a size2-4 and i still cant leave my house in a skirt anymore or a tank top. i dont know whats happened. i cant flirt bc im too afraid of rejection.\
and then there's this thing where im afraid of love. and of loving too much.
anyways, summer service.....so, we go to downstate illinois where (gasp!) people are rather impoverished and have (double gasp!!) southern accents????? anyways, it was an eye opening experience. if any of ya'll have the opportunity to go on co-op or anything like that....Snatch it!
so, yeah. this fellow tyler was on it. he laughed at my jokes, plays the guitar, complimented my taste in music, and read glamour with me. all in all a rather strapping fellow. looks like brad pitt. oh. my. god. but, of course he is completely out of my league. like every other fucking guy on the planet. i just feel so worthless. i have zero confidence and everytime i try and gain some, it's just atomatically shot. honestly, i have no reason to have confidence either. i have bad skin and im getting fat. and i try oh so hard to lose weight, but im just really bad at dieting. and, i mean, it's not like im obese or anything. i havent worn a swimsuit in two years....thats how unsatisfied i am with myself. i just sort of yearn to be perfect. i dont get it either, im a size2-4 and i still cant leave my house in a skirt anymore or a tank top. i dont know whats happened. i cant flirt bc im too afraid of rejection.\
and then there's this thing where im afraid of love. and of loving too much.