(no subject)
whenever i feel like killing myself i make perfect plans. well its straight forward. im pretty sure when people plan them out its all similar. but yeah lately i know why i dont do it. im too scared and i care too much. i guess theyre all good things. like. it would ruin my family. my friends would get affected i think. ill miss bright eyes. i wont go to jersey. ill miss my senior year. but then i mean. theyre all little sacrifices for me to feel better. i mean i dont even have proof if ill feel better. what if i turn into a ghost? and see everyone suffer? and i cant die? like theres no heaven or hell. i just live on earth as a ghost and suffer from the guilt forever and ever and ever. that would fucking suck