(no subject)
1. Wow. People wrote. Thanks!
2. I'm working on this counter-point for Cokemachineglow about The Arcade Fire, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Wolf Parade (scores of 90/82, 82/80, 92/90, respectfully) and the hype machine which, um, hypes them. It should be done in a week if I keep at it.
3. I've been enormously depressed throughout the day, due to looking for new apartments (which aren't exactly forthcoming) and trying to figure out finances in my head if I want to get a new car (which it's pretty much looking like I have to). I don't think the Beldens are too wild about me staying here and cramping their style. I hate being torn between adulthood and childhood. Also, writing really cliched sentences like that one. My parents have offered to help substantially but I don't know how doable that's going to be. Let's not even talk about the cost of gas, or how the economy has essentially been sucking since 1974 and something has got to give pretty soon. Ugh. I worry, as you can see.
4. The job is going pretty well, all things considered. The night shift is pretty easy; essentially all I do is read and watch movies, occasionally helping people with the bathroom. It's just that I do it for twelve hours at a stretch, and at seven thirty in the morning I just want to go home. Relying on Kate's car and living with her mother has really bought up some issues of dependence and feeling out of control. Oh, and also Kate's car is acting up again. Fucking awesome.
5. Kenari and I had a fairly emotionally draining conversation the other day, in which I told her I didn't want to talk to her for a while. That hasn't helped with the whole feeling depressed thing. It ocurred to me that I no longer have any really close female friends, or none that I see on a regular basis. Which is pretty much the opposite of what it was in Jersey. So much of my life is the opposite of what it was in New Jersey, sometimes I wonder. Every day I tell myself I'm going to sit down and sort shit out. Of course it never happens that way. I journaled the other day, speculating if my feelings for Kenari were borne of genuine affection or of the fact that she represents something that I want to be, or wish I could be closer to, or something. Like every woman in my life ever was before I met Kate.
I wonder if I'm turning into someone I would've hated four years ago; someone who shuts everything off and pretends that it's okay, everything is going exactly to plan, stay on the course like nothing has happened. Someone that doesn't have the decency to admit to himself that he's lost. Whatever.
Whatfuckingever.
2. I'm working on this counter-point for Cokemachineglow about The Arcade Fire, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Wolf Parade (scores of 90/82, 82/80, 92/90, respectfully) and the hype machine which, um, hypes them. It should be done in a week if I keep at it.
3. I've been enormously depressed throughout the day, due to looking for new apartments (which aren't exactly forthcoming) and trying to figure out finances in my head if I want to get a new car (which it's pretty much looking like I have to). I don't think the Beldens are too wild about me staying here and cramping their style. I hate being torn between adulthood and childhood. Also, writing really cliched sentences like that one. My parents have offered to help substantially but I don't know how doable that's going to be. Let's not even talk about the cost of gas, or how the economy has essentially been sucking since 1974 and something has got to give pretty soon. Ugh. I worry, as you can see.
4. The job is going pretty well, all things considered. The night shift is pretty easy; essentially all I do is read and watch movies, occasionally helping people with the bathroom. It's just that I do it for twelve hours at a stretch, and at seven thirty in the morning I just want to go home. Relying on Kate's car and living with her mother has really bought up some issues of dependence and feeling out of control. Oh, and also Kate's car is acting up again. Fucking awesome.
5. Kenari and I had a fairly emotionally draining conversation the other day, in which I told her I didn't want to talk to her for a while. That hasn't helped with the whole feeling depressed thing. It ocurred to me that I no longer have any really close female friends, or none that I see on a regular basis. Which is pretty much the opposite of what it was in Jersey. So much of my life is the opposite of what it was in New Jersey, sometimes I wonder. Every day I tell myself I'm going to sit down and sort shit out. Of course it never happens that way. I journaled the other day, speculating if my feelings for Kenari were borne of genuine affection or of the fact that she represents something that I want to be, or wish I could be closer to, or something. Like every woman in my life ever was before I met Kate.
I wonder if I'm turning into someone I would've hated four years ago; someone who shuts everything off and pretends that it's okay, everything is going exactly to plan, stay on the course like nothing has happened. Someone that doesn't have the decency to admit to himself that he's lost. Whatever.
Whatfuckingever.