(no subject)
I woke with a start, ghostly echoes of the screams of the dying in my head, the phantom memory of their blood on my lips. What a bloody dream - literally -my stomach was growling and my cock hard as a rock because of it. The demon having its revenge on me I’d wager, couldn’t care less though, ‘cause me and my girl were…
Hold on.
“Tara…?”
But my voice only echoed softly into the dimness of room, sitting up and peering into the gloom. Well, where the bloody hell was she, then? Bloody hell, if she’d skittered off somewhere to have a sulk then I don’t know what bloody more I could do. I’d been more than a gentleman to her last night, catered to every whim and been gentle as a sodding lamb, whole time the demon inside me was screaming but I did it anyway, cause she needed it, so if she was having another attack of the post-coital guilts then I…
But I lost my train of thought when I saw a sheet of folded paper lying on the cushions beside me. Right where Tara should be lying, I thought indignantly. Right then, notes now, was it? Well they were never a good sign, ‘specially where my bird was concerned. Reaching over, I picked up the note and unfolded it slowly, the whole time my gut twisted anxiously because it was obvious she wasn’t in the shop. I couldn’t smell her anymore.
Suddenly I didn’t want to read her sodding note. Suddenly I realised something was bloody wrong with this picture.
Spike -
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you with all my heart, you are everything to me. Please remember that.
All right, well four I love yous in the same sentence can’t be all bad, right…? ‘cept I had a horrible feeling that those words were the proverbial calm before the storm…
Don’t be mad at me that I’m not there.
Well, I was bloody getting there…
Last night…it was…I couldn’t find the words, they haven’t created it. I love you so much and last night was more wonderful then I can ever even think of putting into words.
It all sounded like hearts and flowers, but I was starting to get angry…and worried. A bloody twisting sick feeling started to rise in my gut…like I knew what was going to be coming next…
I need to go away. Just for a little while. Don’t worry, I’ll be back. I need to go away, I need to go and be with someone who understands what’s going on inside me now. The constant struggle is wearing down on me, and you too. I know it is. I know that it’s frustrating for you. It is for me too.
I love you with all my heart, I loved you human and I love you still. We have centuries to be together now to prove it. But I know if I don’t go away and do what I need to do that I won’t have that long with you.
Forever is something I want with you. I need to fix myself so I can give it to us, and it wouldn’t be right any other way.
Please, don’t look for me, I can’t worry about you and get myself better at the same time. Worry about you, get yourself settled. You could even look for a place for us if you don’t want the crypt anymore. I know, I’m reaching. Anywhere I am with you is home.
I love you William, with every last beat of my heart. I’m doing this for you, for us. I need to go and see someone who will understand, I know he will and maybe I can find a balance I can live with.
I promise, I won’t be gone long, just the simple movement from your arms felt like forever. I can’t stand to be away for long and I promise I won’t be.
Love you always. Forever. I will see you soon.
Tara
Well, bollocks.
“Fuck.”
I crushed the paper in my fist and stood slowly, walking into the middle of the room and staring into the predawn gloom, problem was, the only thing I could see was her beautiful face…and the only thing I could feel was her absence.
“Fuck, fuck, FUUUUCK!”
Oh yeah, and just a smidge of mind-numbing rage.
Before I knew it all I had one of the old training axes that was lying about in my white-knuckled fist and was hacking into the straw filled training dummy. The whole time, all I could see was that treacherous bitches face. A thousand different emotions raged inside me; anger at her, shame that I was so angry with the woman I loved, fear and hurt and…
“Fuck HER!” I yelled and with one swing had that poncy dummies head off and rolling on the floor. That’s where his’ll be too, I thought. That is if it’s got time to hit the tiles before it turns to dust.”
One sentence ran through my head over and over again and I could almost hear her saying it:
” I need to go away, I need to go and be with someone who understands what’s going on inside me now.”
How could she? How could she do it when she knew how I bloody felt about him? Understand her? Fuck, I never should have mentioned him. Why the bloody hell did I anyway? Oh yeah, yeah that’s right, out of sheer sodding desperation that’s why I mentioned that unbelievable wanker. Sheer desperation to help the woman I loved, and what did I get for it? Betrayal, that’s what. Just like bloody always.
Understand her? Who could possibly understand her better than me? I bloody made her, for a start. Not to mention that I was the one that sat though all her sodding tantrums and bathed her wounds, fixed her when she prattled on about being broken. The sodding bint!
Trouble was I knew what she really meant by it. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t. She was talking about the soul. She meant that he understood her soul…or at least how she felt to have one while….Oh sod that! They’d probably be shacking up as we spoke, setting up a nice little house with a white picket fence, just pointy enough to remind them what bad, nasty monsters they were so they could spend the rest of eternity brooding and….
“Fuck, sod, FUCK!” I yelled again and hurled the axe through the air.
Glass shattered loudly and feel away, revealing the rapidly fading stars. Sun was close, but not that close. In fact, it wasn’t much later than it had been when we went to sleep, which meant…maybe I could still catch her.
With that desperate thought in mind, I spent the next five minutes frantically searching for my clothes and hauling them on, and the next few after that breaking into the till and pilfering the previous day’s takings. Bloody pitiful amount too, that money grubbing bint, Anya probably took most of it home and slept with it under her sodding pillow. God knows she’d need a little comfort though, having to sleep next to Harris all night long.
I shivered at the thought and pocketed the cash.
The first whiff of the approaching sun reminded me that was ticking on, and I had my girl to fetch. I walked towards the back door, but as an after thought went back and picked up the book with the soul-removal spell in it. Yeah, I knew how she felt about it, but if she wanted to play dirty then I could bloody see her dirty and raise her one cruel bastard.
The sun was real bloody close and I was hard pressed to find one in time. Sodding California and it takes half an hour to find a car with tinted windows, who’d’ve bloody believed it? But I found one in the end, breaking in wasn’t a chore and well, getting it started; piece of sodding cake…oh yeah, I still had it.
And even though I hadn’t had a proper throw down in a while, I still had it in the hand to hand stakes too. I grinned and turned down Main Street on my way to the highway. Still had it, and after I got to LA and found my girl, I’d show him just how far I’d come. Been waiting for a chance to give that ponce what he deserved…and it seemed to me that now was the perfect time.
I wasn’t standing for him stealing my women anymore.
“Hope you’ve got the good china ready, Angel,” I said to myself, grinning and flooring the gas, “Cause guess who’s coming to bloody dinner.”
Hold on.
“Tara…?”
But my voice only echoed softly into the dimness of room, sitting up and peering into the gloom. Well, where the bloody hell was she, then? Bloody hell, if she’d skittered off somewhere to have a sulk then I don’t know what bloody more I could do. I’d been more than a gentleman to her last night, catered to every whim and been gentle as a sodding lamb, whole time the demon inside me was screaming but I did it anyway, cause she needed it, so if she was having another attack of the post-coital guilts then I…
But I lost my train of thought when I saw a sheet of folded paper lying on the cushions beside me. Right where Tara should be lying, I thought indignantly. Right then, notes now, was it? Well they were never a good sign, ‘specially where my bird was concerned. Reaching over, I picked up the note and unfolded it slowly, the whole time my gut twisted anxiously because it was obvious she wasn’t in the shop. I couldn’t smell her anymore.
Suddenly I didn’t want to read her sodding note. Suddenly I realised something was bloody wrong with this picture.
Spike -
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you with all my heart, you are everything to me. Please remember that.
All right, well four I love yous in the same sentence can’t be all bad, right…? ‘cept I had a horrible feeling that those words were the proverbial calm before the storm…
Don’t be mad at me that I’m not there.
Well, I was bloody getting there…
Last night…it was…I couldn’t find the words, they haven’t created it. I love you so much and last night was more wonderful then I can ever even think of putting into words.
It all sounded like hearts and flowers, but I was starting to get angry…and worried. A bloody twisting sick feeling started to rise in my gut…like I knew what was going to be coming next…
I need to go away. Just for a little while. Don’t worry, I’ll be back. I need to go away, I need to go and be with someone who understands what’s going on inside me now. The constant struggle is wearing down on me, and you too. I know it is. I know that it’s frustrating for you. It is for me too.
I love you with all my heart, I loved you human and I love you still. We have centuries to be together now to prove it. But I know if I don’t go away and do what I need to do that I won’t have that long with you.
Forever is something I want with you. I need to fix myself so I can give it to us, and it wouldn’t be right any other way.
Please, don’t look for me, I can’t worry about you and get myself better at the same time. Worry about you, get yourself settled. You could even look for a place for us if you don’t want the crypt anymore. I know, I’m reaching. Anywhere I am with you is home.
I love you William, with every last beat of my heart. I’m doing this for you, for us. I need to go and see someone who will understand, I know he will and maybe I can find a balance I can live with.
I promise, I won’t be gone long, just the simple movement from your arms felt like forever. I can’t stand to be away for long and I promise I won’t be.
Love you always. Forever. I will see you soon.
Tara
Well, bollocks.
“Fuck.”
I crushed the paper in my fist and stood slowly, walking into the middle of the room and staring into the predawn gloom, problem was, the only thing I could see was her beautiful face…and the only thing I could feel was her absence.
“Fuck, fuck, FUUUUCK!”
Oh yeah, and just a smidge of mind-numbing rage.
Before I knew it all I had one of the old training axes that was lying about in my white-knuckled fist and was hacking into the straw filled training dummy. The whole time, all I could see was that treacherous bitches face. A thousand different emotions raged inside me; anger at her, shame that I was so angry with the woman I loved, fear and hurt and…
“Fuck HER!” I yelled and with one swing had that poncy dummies head off and rolling on the floor. That’s where his’ll be too, I thought. That is if it’s got time to hit the tiles before it turns to dust.”
One sentence ran through my head over and over again and I could almost hear her saying it:
” I need to go away, I need to go and be with someone who understands what’s going on inside me now.”
How could she? How could she do it when she knew how I bloody felt about him? Understand her? Fuck, I never should have mentioned him. Why the bloody hell did I anyway? Oh yeah, yeah that’s right, out of sheer sodding desperation that’s why I mentioned that unbelievable wanker. Sheer desperation to help the woman I loved, and what did I get for it? Betrayal, that’s what. Just like bloody always.
Understand her? Who could possibly understand her better than me? I bloody made her, for a start. Not to mention that I was the one that sat though all her sodding tantrums and bathed her wounds, fixed her when she prattled on about being broken. The sodding bint!
Trouble was I knew what she really meant by it. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t. She was talking about the soul. She meant that he understood her soul…or at least how she felt to have one while….Oh sod that! They’d probably be shacking up as we spoke, setting up a nice little house with a white picket fence, just pointy enough to remind them what bad, nasty monsters they were so they could spend the rest of eternity brooding and….
“Fuck, sod, FUCK!” I yelled again and hurled the axe through the air.
Glass shattered loudly and feel away, revealing the rapidly fading stars. Sun was close, but not that close. In fact, it wasn’t much later than it had been when we went to sleep, which meant…maybe I could still catch her.
With that desperate thought in mind, I spent the next five minutes frantically searching for my clothes and hauling them on, and the next few after that breaking into the till and pilfering the previous day’s takings. Bloody pitiful amount too, that money grubbing bint, Anya probably took most of it home and slept with it under her sodding pillow. God knows she’d need a little comfort though, having to sleep next to Harris all night long.
I shivered at the thought and pocketed the cash.
The first whiff of the approaching sun reminded me that was ticking on, and I had my girl to fetch. I walked towards the back door, but as an after thought went back and picked up the book with the soul-removal spell in it. Yeah, I knew how she felt about it, but if she wanted to play dirty then I could bloody see her dirty and raise her one cruel bastard.
The sun was real bloody close and I was hard pressed to find one in time. Sodding California and it takes half an hour to find a car with tinted windows, who’d’ve bloody believed it? But I found one in the end, breaking in wasn’t a chore and well, getting it started; piece of sodding cake…oh yeah, I still had it.
And even though I hadn’t had a proper throw down in a while, I still had it in the hand to hand stakes too. I grinned and turned down Main Street on my way to the highway. Still had it, and after I got to LA and found my girl, I’d show him just how far I’d come. Been waiting for a chance to give that ponce what he deserved…and it seemed to me that now was the perfect time.
I wasn’t standing for him stealing my women anymore.
“Hope you’ve got the good china ready, Angel,” I said to myself, grinning and flooring the gas, “Cause guess who’s coming to bloody dinner.”