Things on my mind.
So there's been quite a few things on my mind lately. Alot of frustration and confusion.
I used to take karate last year, and quit when my dad didn't have enough money to send me anymore. I was only in it for 2 months. It was tedious and time consuming on nights I had homework, but I did like it. It taught me, even in that short amount of time, how to be a little quicker and react faster. It also taught me pressure points, the most effective moves and mental control. It gave me a good amount of exercise as well. Well, my karate teacher is also a close family friend. He comes over alot and my dad told me that he's been talking to him about how much he wants me to go back to class. He said I'm one of the very few students he's had in a long time that can go in there, learn something once and do it perfectly every other time. He said I was fast, precise and that I could be a black belt in like, 4 years, which is pretty quick I guess. It's making me want to go back to karate.. I want to strengthen my arms, mostly. I want to learn better self-defense, because right now my strategy is punch them in the face as hard as I can. The only part I don't want to do with karate is the tournaments or whatever. I don't like being in front of people when I'm doing something and I don't like going against other people, etc.
Another thing that's been laying heavy on my mind is the holidays. Holidays are supposed to be happy, enjoying family, etc. And that's not how I feel. Up until last year, I used to go to my Grampa's house (my mom's dad) in Massachusetts with my mom. The whole Danyow family (mom's side) would be there. All my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And I had been do that since I was born. Well every year, something always managed to go wrong with my mom. She'd upset me, or make fun of me, or SOMETHING. The last year that I went (when I was 14) she was driving (illegally, because she doesn't have a license) and got rear ended. I spilled my steaming hot chocolate all over myself (my new white shirt too) and she started screaming.. at ME. She said it was my fault, and that I "dirtied" her "clean car" and that I'm clumsy and shit. I got mad because my dad had used the last of his paycheck to buy me a nice outfit to wear (all I wore was jeans and tshirts) and now my shirt was ruined. After a few minutes, she gave me 15 dollars and told me to "get out of her face and go buy something in Eblens" (it was in the plaza where the car got rear ended). I went in there and after like 15 minutes finally found a shirt I could afford with the money she gave me and went back to the car only for her to scream at me saying I took too long and threatened to hit me. I started crying because not only was I upset over her, but the burns on my arms and chest from the hot chocolate were starting to hurt really bad. When we finally got to my Grampa's house I sat at the top of the stairs and cried hoping no one would see me. Well.. Pretending to hope. In all reality I really wished someone would've seen me. And cared. But no one did. I sat there throughout dinner and afterwards when everyone was done, I went into the kitchen and got something to eat. It was a miserable day. My mom blamed me for ruining her Thanksgiving by crying and being a baby. Needless to say, I didn't go back the year after (when I was 15). I stayed with my Dad, my Memere, and my Uncle. We went out to eat at a restaurant. This year for Thanksgiving, I'm eating a small dinner with my dad and uncle John and Memere. Since my Memere had a stroke in July, things have been rocky, but dad's helping her cook. I'm just thankful I don't have to be with my mom. It's been 10 months and I haven't seen or talk to her. I'm proud. It means I haven't caved in and quit and gone back to her like I always did before.
I used to take karate last year, and quit when my dad didn't have enough money to send me anymore. I was only in it for 2 months. It was tedious and time consuming on nights I had homework, but I did like it. It taught me, even in that short amount of time, how to be a little quicker and react faster. It also taught me pressure points, the most effective moves and mental control. It gave me a good amount of exercise as well. Well, my karate teacher is also a close family friend. He comes over alot and my dad told me that he's been talking to him about how much he wants me to go back to class. He said I'm one of the very few students he's had in a long time that can go in there, learn something once and do it perfectly every other time. He said I was fast, precise and that I could be a black belt in like, 4 years, which is pretty quick I guess. It's making me want to go back to karate.. I want to strengthen my arms, mostly. I want to learn better self-defense, because right now my strategy is punch them in the face as hard as I can. The only part I don't want to do with karate is the tournaments or whatever. I don't like being in front of people when I'm doing something and I don't like going against other people, etc.
Another thing that's been laying heavy on my mind is the holidays. Holidays are supposed to be happy, enjoying family, etc. And that's not how I feel. Up until last year, I used to go to my Grampa's house (my mom's dad) in Massachusetts with my mom. The whole Danyow family (mom's side) would be there. All my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And I had been do that since I was born. Well every year, something always managed to go wrong with my mom. She'd upset me, or make fun of me, or SOMETHING. The last year that I went (when I was 14) she was driving (illegally, because she doesn't have a license) and got rear ended. I spilled my steaming hot chocolate all over myself (my new white shirt too) and she started screaming.. at ME. She said it was my fault, and that I "dirtied" her "clean car" and that I'm clumsy and shit. I got mad because my dad had used the last of his paycheck to buy me a nice outfit to wear (all I wore was jeans and tshirts) and now my shirt was ruined. After a few minutes, she gave me 15 dollars and told me to "get out of her face and go buy something in Eblens" (it was in the plaza where the car got rear ended). I went in there and after like 15 minutes finally found a shirt I could afford with the money she gave me and went back to the car only for her to scream at me saying I took too long and threatened to hit me. I started crying because not only was I upset over her, but the burns on my arms and chest from the hot chocolate were starting to hurt really bad. When we finally got to my Grampa's house I sat at the top of the stairs and cried hoping no one would see me. Well.. Pretending to hope. In all reality I really wished someone would've seen me. And cared. But no one did. I sat there throughout dinner and afterwards when everyone was done, I went into the kitchen and got something to eat. It was a miserable day. My mom blamed me for ruining her Thanksgiving by crying and being a baby. Needless to say, I didn't go back the year after (when I was 15). I stayed with my Dad, my Memere, and my Uncle. We went out to eat at a restaurant. This year for Thanksgiving, I'm eating a small dinner with my dad and uncle John and Memere. Since my Memere had a stroke in July, things have been rocky, but dad's helping her cook. I'm just thankful I don't have to be with my mom. It's been 10 months and I haven't seen or talk to her. I'm proud. It means I haven't caved in and quit and gone back to her like I always did before.