(no subject)
this is probably much to personal to post on livejournal..
but i can't find my personal journal. and i'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore anyway.
i need to get this out.
idk if this is hormones, or the talk i had with gina last night, or the way dominique is acting...
but i'm unbelievably, unexplainably sad.
and i have to keep it to myself. no one could possibly understand. i don't even understand.
i want to be home right now. i just want to start my life already. school stresses me out so much.
but at the same time it scares me so much to have to get out on my own. what if i can't do it? what if i can't raise a child? i could have all the love in the world for it. i do already. but that still wouldn't be enough to give it the life it deserves. so maybe i should just abort. i can barely take care of myself right now. let alone another person who's sole existence depends on how i care for it.. i think it's probably too late. so now i've really fucked up. i don't know where all of these feelings are coming from, but i'm so so sorry. the decisions i make don't just affect me anymore. and i've never been known to make the best decisions. so here i am about to fuck up two lives.. what was i thinking? i'm not ready.
but i can't find my personal journal. and i'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore anyway.
i need to get this out.
idk if this is hormones, or the talk i had with gina last night, or the way dominique is acting...
but i'm unbelievably, unexplainably sad.
and i have to keep it to myself. no one could possibly understand. i don't even understand.
i want to be home right now. i just want to start my life already. school stresses me out so much.
but at the same time it scares me so much to have to get out on my own. what if i can't do it? what if i can't raise a child? i could have all the love in the world for it. i do already. but that still wouldn't be enough to give it the life it deserves. so maybe i should just abort. i can barely take care of myself right now. let alone another person who's sole existence depends on how i care for it.. i think it's probably too late. so now i've really fucked up. i don't know where all of these feelings are coming from, but i'm so so sorry. the decisions i make don't just affect me anymore. and i've never been known to make the best decisions. so here i am about to fuck up two lives.. what was i thinking? i'm not ready.