Do you believe in me?
I'm trying, I honestly am. They think that I can just accept and move on, but it's not that easy. I don't want to feel like I can't be myself. I don't want to be flipped out on because I speak the truth. They tell her she's not bipolar, but I promise you that she is. One day everything is fine, the next I'm being yelled at for nothing. I'm sick of it.
When people say that they've changed, I can't help but hate it, because it's always for the worst/worse. Because I still remember the person that they use to be, and as much as I hated them then, I hate them even more now. I don't enjoy being in the middle, or being the one that has to be the bigger person.
I'm twenty years old, when am I going to grow up? When am I going to realize that it's time to be responsible?
I hate having to ask people for money, because I'm out of gas or cigarettes. It sucks having to feed an addiction, but it sucks even more trying to quit.
I just want to have a stable job, and I want to get my own place and take care of myself. I don't want my grandma or my aunt to be the ones that provide a shelter and food for me. I want to do it all on my own. And everytime I try, I fall. I start out going steady, and somehow it all gets turned around. I can't keep doing this, although I have no choice.
I never figured I'd want to grow up and have a family. I always said I'd never get married, I'd never rely on anyone but myself. But I want all of it. I want to get married, also rely on myself, one day. I want to know that someone is there for me, that loves me, I want to have that stability. I want what my grandparents had, what my aunt and uncle have. I want to be the one that gets out, and makes it. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to be what no one expects, what everyone says I will never be. I want to be different. I want to be strong.
When people say that they've changed, I can't help but hate it, because it's always for the worst/worse. Because I still remember the person that they use to be, and as much as I hated them then, I hate them even more now. I don't enjoy being in the middle, or being the one that has to be the bigger person.
I'm twenty years old, when am I going to grow up? When am I going to realize that it's time to be responsible?
I hate having to ask people for money, because I'm out of gas or cigarettes. It sucks having to feed an addiction, but it sucks even more trying to quit.
I just want to have a stable job, and I want to get my own place and take care of myself. I don't want my grandma or my aunt to be the ones that provide a shelter and food for me. I want to do it all on my own. And everytime I try, I fall. I start out going steady, and somehow it all gets turned around. I can't keep doing this, although I have no choice.
I never figured I'd want to grow up and have a family. I always said I'd never get married, I'd never rely on anyone but myself. But I want all of it. I want to get married, also rely on myself, one day. I want to know that someone is there for me, that loves me, I want to have that stability. I want what my grandparents had, what my aunt and uncle have. I want to be the one that gets out, and makes it. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to be what no one expects, what everyone says I will never be. I want to be different. I want to be strong.