It finally happened and I almost wish it didn't.
So I had my first real kiss a couple nights ago.
Needless to say, those few moments were incredible...but now I feel like shit. Because I know what's at stake. There is possibility of never feeling that way again. (And because after tomorrow, I might never see this boy again. And I think I've fallen in love with him.) And to be honest, death almost sounds better than never again experiencing that.
Those few moments, I believed in life. I believed in what it stood for, believed in all the possibilities of what could be. I mean, I've waited my entire life for this one moment, and when it finally comes, I take it as a curse rather than a blessing.
How ungrateful can I be?! It's pretty disgusting. I'm just a pathetic person who doesn't deserve anything.
I hate feeling this way. I know thinking such dark thoughts will only push me further into this neverending depression. But I figure it's neverending, so why even try and help the situation at all? I guess my stupid self would just rather spend all her energy on trying to feel all this emotional pain physically, like the troubled teen I am. "Troubled" - what a great label that makes.
Needless to say, those few moments were incredible...but now I feel like shit. Because I know what's at stake. There is possibility of never feeling that way again. (And because after tomorrow, I might never see this boy again. And I think I've fallen in love with him.) And to be honest, death almost sounds better than never again experiencing that.
Those few moments, I believed in life. I believed in what it stood for, believed in all the possibilities of what could be. I mean, I've waited my entire life for this one moment, and when it finally comes, I take it as a curse rather than a blessing.
How ungrateful can I be?! It's pretty disgusting. I'm just a pathetic person who doesn't deserve anything.
I hate feeling this way. I know thinking such dark thoughts will only push me further into this neverending depression. But I figure it's neverending, so why even try and help the situation at all? I guess my stupid self would just rather spend all her energy on trying to feel all this emotional pain physically, like the troubled teen I am. "Troubled" - what a great label that makes.