change.
i got way too drunk at a party on saturday night and woke up in the hospital. besides blacking out, i'd fallen down the stairs, texted an old (?) lover when i really shouldn't have [TWICE!], and puked an "impressive amount."
this is definitely a cliche, but that experience really made me feel like i'd been given a second chance. i mean, even though one doctor gave me (what i thought to be) the standard, "you shouldn't be drinking - you could have not made it. someone could've taken advantage of you..." speech, i was really taken aback.
i mean, i was unconscious. it's such a scary thought...that's like a step away from being comatose. and then...
i thought long and hard about whether or not i should explain everything to my mother...then i realized that she'd receive the hospital bill...
i called her and hopefully everything's okay. i've seen her since then and of course she asked me a bunch of questions; she's definitely still worried about me even though i told her not to be...i feel so guilty and ashamed for causing that pain. i mean, it wouldn't be unlike her to feel that this was somehow her fault.
i don't know.
but the point is that i got over it. or we did. or at least i think we did.
because today was the first day of classes and it was great. i'm so very excited for this year. i was reminded by that "dwell in possibility" magnet i have at home. i think emily dickinson said that.
i don't know. it just really rang true for me today.
to be exposed to things you're truly interested about, while sharing this experience with people you truly care about - i'm not sure that there are much things in life that are better than that.
although...
(and there's always something left to be desired)
i'm getting a bit lonely. romantically, that is. i don't know if boys are prone to feeling the same way (actually, i'm sure they are - they've just been trained that to do so would be ~gay~), but since i had kind of a revolutionary experience last year (for my standards), i feel like that's the one thing missing from making me feel as though i've achieved happiness.
but for now, i'll take this. beggars can't be choosers. and right now, i guess i'm pretty content with what i've got. and i think i've got a lot.
this is definitely a cliche, but that experience really made me feel like i'd been given a second chance. i mean, even though one doctor gave me (what i thought to be) the standard, "you shouldn't be drinking - you could have not made it. someone could've taken advantage of you..." speech, i was really taken aback.
i mean, i was unconscious. it's such a scary thought...that's like a step away from being comatose. and then...
i thought long and hard about whether or not i should explain everything to my mother...then i realized that she'd receive the hospital bill...
i called her and hopefully everything's okay. i've seen her since then and of course she asked me a bunch of questions; she's definitely still worried about me even though i told her not to be...i feel so guilty and ashamed for causing that pain. i mean, it wouldn't be unlike her to feel that this was somehow her fault.
i don't know.
but the point is that i got over it. or we did. or at least i think we did.
because today was the first day of classes and it was great. i'm so very excited for this year. i was reminded by that "dwell in possibility" magnet i have at home. i think emily dickinson said that.
i don't know. it just really rang true for me today.
to be exposed to things you're truly interested about, while sharing this experience with people you truly care about - i'm not sure that there are much things in life that are better than that.
although...
(and there's always something left to be desired)
i'm getting a bit lonely. romantically, that is. i don't know if boys are prone to feeling the same way (actually, i'm sure they are - they've just been trained that to do so would be ~gay~), but since i had kind of a revolutionary experience last year (for my standards), i feel like that's the one thing missing from making me feel as though i've achieved happiness.
but for now, i'll take this. beggars can't be choosers. and right now, i guess i'm pretty content with what i've got. and i think i've got a lot.