Mommy,
I haven’t been able to sleep good for the past couple of days. I’ve been going to sleep late, about 2 am and I still wake up at around 7 am. I guess it’s because I’ve been worrying so much about my mother.
Today is her 55th birthday and I think she’s getting sicker every day. When we were little everything was so easy but now its just not. It’s her birthday and we went out to IHOP for breakfast to have a good time, but we could only do things like that when we were younger, when everything was perfect and all I used to complain about was my hot chocolate being cold. My mom ordered: eggs, hash browns, bacon and sausage. She didn’t eat a thing. She’s not eating. She’s not doing anything the doctor has been telling her to do. She completely oblivious and stubborn to the seriousness of her operation. She doesn’t want anybody to take this seriously when it is the most important thing in our lives right now. The first couple of days of the operation she was supposed to lie in bed for about a week but the next day she was at work, in her office chair, typing away at the computer. And she won’t listen to ANYONE. Not even the doctor who knows best.
My dad special ordered all these 00 size jeans and XXS sized clothes from Victoria's Secret for Christmas for her. She didn’t fit anything. We had to return it all. My mother is not eating food and my father is crying to me about it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say or how to react. So once again, I just stay quiet. I can’t even be there for my family because I’m working. But who knows if that will continue.
We went to IHOP to eat and she didn’t eat a thing. We paid the bill and got up to leave. My mother’s ankle went out and she fell on the man who was sitting at the booth across from us. My mother’s ankle went out and she said there was nothing to worry about. So we sat down for a while so she could relax a little. She was shaking so much. "Mom, you’re shaking really bad." "I’m not shaking!" "Mom, you’re shaking, I can see it." I’m fine, let’s go, this is embarrassing" That’s her obliviousness I’m talking about. She doesn’t want anyone to know she’s ill, and she doesn’t want anyone’s attention. She refuses to take care of herself. But what am I supposed to do? What do you do when someone needs something but refuses to admit that they need it?
She can’t sleep at night either. I don’t think my whole house is sleeping right now. I hear creaking of doors at about 4 am all the time. My house isn’t sleeping. She has to sleep sitting up. She can’t lie down. Doctor says, but she still doesn’t listen. So she sleeps on her side, and she’s NOT supposed to. I don’t know what to do.
My father today, looked me dead in the eye and said "Your mother isn’t healthy, she’s in very bad health and I don’t know what to do. I’ll call the doctor." I didn’t say anything. And that felt like someone shot me in the heart. I don’t know what to do. And sadly I just want to get away. I want to run away because I’m so scared. I just don’t know what to do, and even worse, I dont think there is anything I can do. My family’s keeping secrets from. Big secrets. And I can’t sleep at night.
On a side note, I finally found someone. I’m finally in a relationship. I don’t have to sleep alone anymore.
Oh yeah, and maybe I should start praying.
Today is her 55th birthday and I think she’s getting sicker every day. When we were little everything was so easy but now its just not. It’s her birthday and we went out to IHOP for breakfast to have a good time, but we could only do things like that when we were younger, when everything was perfect and all I used to complain about was my hot chocolate being cold. My mom ordered: eggs, hash browns, bacon and sausage. She didn’t eat a thing. She’s not eating. She’s not doing anything the doctor has been telling her to do. She completely oblivious and stubborn to the seriousness of her operation. She doesn’t want anybody to take this seriously when it is the most important thing in our lives right now. The first couple of days of the operation she was supposed to lie in bed for about a week but the next day she was at work, in her office chair, typing away at the computer. And she won’t listen to ANYONE. Not even the doctor who knows best.
My dad special ordered all these 00 size jeans and XXS sized clothes from Victoria's Secret for Christmas for her. She didn’t fit anything. We had to return it all. My mother is not eating food and my father is crying to me about it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say or how to react. So once again, I just stay quiet. I can’t even be there for my family because I’m working. But who knows if that will continue.
We went to IHOP to eat and she didn’t eat a thing. We paid the bill and got up to leave. My mother’s ankle went out and she fell on the man who was sitting at the booth across from us. My mother’s ankle went out and she said there was nothing to worry about. So we sat down for a while so she could relax a little. She was shaking so much. "Mom, you’re shaking really bad." "I’m not shaking!" "Mom, you’re shaking, I can see it." I’m fine, let’s go, this is embarrassing" That’s her obliviousness I’m talking about. She doesn’t want anyone to know she’s ill, and she doesn’t want anyone’s attention. She refuses to take care of herself. But what am I supposed to do? What do you do when someone needs something but refuses to admit that they need it?
She can’t sleep at night either. I don’t think my whole house is sleeping right now. I hear creaking of doors at about 4 am all the time. My house isn’t sleeping. She has to sleep sitting up. She can’t lie down. Doctor says, but she still doesn’t listen. So she sleeps on her side, and she’s NOT supposed to. I don’t know what to do.
My father today, looked me dead in the eye and said "Your mother isn’t healthy, she’s in very bad health and I don’t know what to do. I’ll call the doctor." I didn’t say anything. And that felt like someone shot me in the heart. I don’t know what to do. And sadly I just want to get away. I want to run away because I’m so scared. I just don’t know what to do, and even worse, I dont think there is anything I can do. My family’s keeping secrets from. Big secrets. And I can’t sleep at night.
On a side note, I finally found someone. I’m finally in a relationship. I don’t have to sleep alone anymore.
Oh yeah, and maybe I should start praying.