He called me his sleeping beauty,
I'm going to write a journal entry. I haven't written one, a real one, in so long. Ive been avoiding it because... Well my journal has been public for the past couple of months and I hate letting everyone know how I feel. Anyways I wont get too personal but I do have a lot on my mind.
FIRST of all, this winter break sucks. Its nothing compared to last years. Me and Nicole spent everyday together last year but this year I just cant. I work everyday, or I'm with other people or I don't know. But I hope she can hang out with me tomorrow. I have a full day ahead of me, no work, no plans, no obligations. I was kinda hoping Nicole would be in the mood to going out to Northridge with me. It wouldn't take all day but I want to go down there and check it out and really I wouldn't want to go with anyone else. I really love my best friend if I don't get a certain amount of Nicole-ness during the week I get bored with life. Everyone should have a best like mine.
Today was a very terrible day. I'm not going into detail but me and my mother had a huge fiasco. Shes just a very hard person to deal with. I mean, she really has been hurting my feelings lately, and maybe that sounds stupid but the things she says to me sometime just give the worst feeling in the world. I know she only says them because shes angry though, and I guess I got that from her because I tend to say mean things I don't mean when I'm upset. Anyways we were crying together and everything. I was kinda happy to ball my eyes out, it felt pretty good. The thoughts you have when you're are funny, well for me at least. I tend to think of more bad things in my life to make me cry harder. I think its unintentional though.
My mother had surgery yesterday, and shes my weak spot. So every time I see her with her little tubes all over her body it just about kills me. I cant look at it just it makes me want to cry. My mother isn't very healthy right now, and I don't think she has been in a while. The beginning of my junior year, she had 3 feet of her colon removed and lost so much weight because of it making her skin and bones. I bought her get well balloons when I came home form shopping today. She was so excited. she was walking towards the kitchen and I felt like I had an 80 yr old mother and I was in my 40's and it was my turn to take care of her, but really I cant right now because I'm working. I felt like a terrible daughter, what she had been calling me all week. I need to spend more time with my mother.
There is this boy, the same boy Ive been talking about for a while now. The one I'm kinda dating. His sent drives me wild. Every time hes around me I feel so perfect and beautiful. Its amazing what I do for this boy too. I mean, Ive been sneaking out and seeing him for a couple of months now. I could get grounded for about six months if my mom ever found out but hes the only person that seems to fit what I want. And thats to make me happy, and he does it very well. Its a very secretive relationship though. ha ha you could catch me in old town with him usually between 11- 3 at night though. I love it. He took me to The Cheesecake Factory the other night and spoiled me. Which hes being doing lately. Its amazing how hes exactly what I don't want from a guy too, but I love it. I'm falling for him and its not good at all. Hes someone I shouldn't fall for, I shouldn't like, should even look at. But Its too late and I cant stop now.
I wish I could tell my mom about him,
Today, I bought the best shirt in the world. Its a puke green polo. I love it.