Bellus
I had awoken about 100 yards away from the street.
I rubbed my eyes to see what was going on.
I was in the middle of a field.
I turned and observed my surroundings.
It was a beautiful night.
I could see stars. And not just one. Every single one.
I smiled.
I had only seen a night like this once.
Still I was curious as to why i was in this field.
So beautiful.
I watched a myraid of fireflys dance amongst thsemselves and the tall grass move with the wind.
I decided to fall back down onto the grass and rest.
I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had happened.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Bellus.
Where was she?
I had been with her.
I kissed her.
Her fragrance was still stuck in my mouth.
What had happened?
I stood up again and went for the road.
I recognized this road.
Half a mile down was my house.
I ran.
She was at my house. She came for dinner. She met my parents.
This was all too weird for me.
Finally I had arrived at my house.
I ran through the front door and headed straight for my basement.
"Bell.." she wasnt there.
I ran upstairs.
Mom was in the kitchen washing dishes.
"Hey Mom, did you see where Bellus went?"
"Bellus?" she replied.
"Yeah...my girlfriend, Ma, she came over for dinner?"
"Girlfriend?" she laughed, "there were no girls here."
"What? She was here! You met here! We had dinner together!"
"Unus, honey, no one was here."
"You cant be serious!"
"I am honey!"
"No! People that I touched...that I held for christ's sake can't just go away..it's impossible!"
"Unus, calm down! What are you talking about honey!? There was no girl around here named Bellus! You need to calm down and sit or something."
She continued washing the dishes. There was a few seconds of loud silence.
"So that's it?"
"So that's what?"
"You have to be joking...I watched her walk through the front door! Godamnit, Ma! What is going on here?!"
She stopped.
"You need to calm down right now!"
My dad emerged from the upstairs.
"What the hell is going on down here? Im trying to do work!"
I stared at him and replied, "I'll tell you what the hell is going on! Someone is not telling me something that's what! I came here tonight, with a girl named Bellus, she is not here! We had dinner! We were going out to the movies! Where the fuck is she!?"
My dad hit me.
"Don't you dare use that language around me. Now stand the hell up and apologize to me and your mother! This is nonsense! Bellus..NO SUCH GIRL...you need to calm down! And ya better shut the hell up I have buisness to do!"
He walked upstairs. Stupid bastard. I still love him though.
I punched the wall and cried.
My mom who had grown quiet came to comfort me. Her small hand touched my back.
"Unus, your getting yourself worked up, you need to take your pills."
Ah yes, the pills. I had a heart problem. I wasn't sure how I got it though. Something hereditary I always thought.
She handed me two pills and a glass of water.
I swallowed both pills.
Sighing, I thought to myself, why no one remembered who Bellus was.
Bellus was so beautiful and kind to me.
In a time when my life was very down.
She raised me up.
My brother had died from a disease, that I had never heard, and had not wished to hear.
There was no cure.
He died at the age of 11.
I had been 14 at the time.
My little brother.
I would hold him in my arms for hours at a time. And feel his hair.
We would play outside.
I showed him the paths in the forest, and the correct way to kick a soccerball.
And we'd sing songs together.
I remember when he was diagnosed with the disease, I had cried for days.
It's weird when you love someone so much, and you wake up in the morning to say hi and they're not there.
Or you go into their room and scare them just to laugh but no one yelps.
Believe me! We had our fights. Long arguements that lasted for days on end. But we always ended up getting over it somehow.
This time however the fight wasn't between me and him. It was between him and an unknown disease. And he never did get over it.
I'll never forget the day he became really sick, and he called me into the hospital room alone.
He asked me something so complex that my ears will never forget it as long as I live.
He said to me, "Unus, are you always gonna remember me?"
Heart breaking.
I looked down at him, fighting the tears, "Now John what kinda question is that?"
He laughed.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.
"John," I kneeled beside him, "as long as I live Ill never forget you. No matter where I am, or who im with. You'll always be on my mind. It's like riding a bike. It doesn't just go away. It never does. It's always there." I had to stop, I was crying hard.
Ya have to be a strong brother ya know? I tried to hide my tears.
"Whats wrong, Unus, why are you crying? I'm gonna be alright!"
I smiled in between the tears.
"I know, I just love ya too much."
I hugged him for the longest time. And touched his hair, once again.
A few days after I had this conversation with him he couldnt talk. He was too sick.
He died shortly after.
It was the saddest day of my life.
On the day of the funeral I left him a note in his casket.
It was a poem.
My parents were the only ones who had seen it.
It was such a simple, yet complex string of words.
I wrote it on the night before his funeral, crying with every word I typed.
Never before had I put so much effort into something.
Every thought, every feeling I had was written into that small paper.
I headed upstairs for my room, when my mom called down for my dad.
I passed him on the way up. We didn't say a word.
They were talking about something angrily, when all the sudden I heard the word Bellus.
I waited at the steps to hear what they were saying..
"George," said my mother cautiously, "you don't think Bellus is..?"
"Is who?" he replied.
"Is...Samantha?"
There was silence.
"No...no...that's impossible...he doesn't..."
"Bellus means beautiful in Latin," my mother said quietly.
Latin?!
Latin, I thought to myself. That's my language!
I use it for everything! Esp. adressing people!
Unus was a name I grew up with.
I was always alone as a little kid. A bit anti-social, really.
My mother is a latin teacher at the high school, so she used to call me Unus (or alone) all the time.
I dont really know, but Unus always stuck with me.
But when I met Samantha in the 8th grade, I called her Bellus. That was a good day too.
Towards the end June I suppose.
It was our eigth grade dance.
The night was humid, and we had left the dance cause it was lame.
We went across the street and got coffee, at a little shop.
I always loved the warm feeling that coffee gave me.
It was a comfortable feeling, I felt like I was home. And plus this night wasn't like any other.
This night was special.
I'd finally gained the fortitude to go up to this girl in class and ask her to come with me.
She came.
So anyways we finished our coffee, and we walked back towards the school.
We sat on a bleacher and I held her close.
I watched her breathe, and I could feel her little heart racing.
So was mine.
We looked up at the stars.
There were so many.
Never had I seen such a beautiful night.
And her face.
Dear god her face, even at a young age, was brightened by the glow of the stars, and she was simply stunning.
The most gorgeous girl I had ever seen.
She started to talk, "Oh Unus, haha, sucha funny nickname. Can I have one too?"
"Of course!" I laughed, "you can be Bellus."
She laughed.
"Unus and Bellus...I like that! What does it mean though?"
"Beautiful."
She looked up at me. Straight into my eyes and said, "Promise me you'll stay with me for a long time."
"I promise."
She kissed me.
My first kiss.
And it wasn't awkward like most kids say it usually is.
It was beautiful.
I kept my promise too.
All through high school.
Every homecoming, the prom.
She was there.
And I kissed her many times again.
And I got that feeling every time I saw her of just complete, and utter awe.
I loved her, she loved me.
We felt safe.
My dad started talking again.
"Marge...I hate to say this, but I think your right..he called Samantha, Bellus.."
"George...we need to talk to him.."
"I dont get it," he butted, "the doctor said he would remember and.."
"Yes, and the doctor said his heart problem would of gone away too! And it hasn't! He told me it's getting worse!"
My dad sighed. "We need to talk to him."
I ran downstairs.
"What's going on?" I cried.
My mother guided me to the couch, and made me sit.
Her and dad clutched tight to each other, and were silent for a while.
Finally my dad spoke.
"Son, about a year ago, you and Samantha were going to the movies. About half a mile down the road, you guys were hit by a drunk driver." My mother started balling, he continued, "The accident was very bad. You were knocked out for weeks. We almost lost ya, and thought you'd never remember anything ever again. One day the doctors told us you'd remember things gradually, but the car accident would be something that would of taken you a long time to remember. They told us that one day, you were gonna remember this.."
"Dad, what about Sam," I cried.
He sighed, and looked down.
"She was killed instantly."
His words stabbed me.
I couldnt speak.
I cried so hard.
"..why did you never tell me dad..WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME?!"
"It was for your own good, honey, we didn't want to see you hurt even more..I mean after your brother and all..."
"But why?"
"We had to as parents, son, we love you."
"If you love me you would of told me I am.."
"Listen! Robert, we love you, I know this is hard for you to understand, but me and your mother love you with all our hearts and souls. You loved Sam so much. When we saw another one of our kids laying on a hospital bed, near death, we had to do something. We needed to help you remember the good things in your life and.."
"She was the best thing in my life!" I yelled.
I ran.
I ran out the door.
I kept running down the long road.
I heard the door to my house open.
I kept running till I got to the tall grass I had awoken in.
I started tearing at the ground, pulling away at all the weeds, viciously.
Slowly it all came back to me.
That night.
Her and I in the car, and the conversation we had in my basement after dinner.
We sat there freezing cold debating on what to do, when she said somethign that caught me off guard.
"Rob, are you ever gonna forget me?" she said.
"What?" I yelled, "that's crazy.."
I looked at my watch.
"Ahh crap, the movie is starting soon, let's go!"
She looked a bit mad.
When we got into the car she was quiet.
"Honey what's wrong?" I asked.
No reply.
Then all I saw were headlights, and shattered glass.
I opened my eyes for a second and saw tall grass and stars.
I went blank.
I was still tearing viciously at the ground and I began to yell.
"Sam! I never forgot you..I didn't! I remember you! your still here...I need you...I didnt forget, I promise...Your not gone!"
I was hysterical.
"Sam..Bellus...I didnt, I swear...where are you...can you hear me?! I need you back here! I can't lose you..no..I...BELLUS!"
My voice echoed off into the nothing of night.
I looked up towards the stars.
"I love you Bellus..."
I felt something ache in my chest. It hurt, unmercifully, bad.
My hand gripped my chest.
I opened my eyes for a second and saw tall grass and stars.
I went blank, again.
I was gone.
The funeral was beautiful.
His body laid in a black casket.
He looked handsome.
Many people waited to see his body, and pay their respects.
One by one they came and stared at him.
Some cried, some didn't.
The last two people to look over his body, were his parents, who walked slowly to the casket.
The mother crying on the dad's shoulder. His eyes, showed all the despair, and darkness in his soul.
In his hand he carried a small piece of paper, in which he put in the casket. They both walked off.
The paper, was a poem, which read.
To our Son:
Things come and go
We watch them go by
Our love stays the same it never dies
Seasons change
and so do I
Many people grow old, many will die
Things are forgotten
Things will be wronged
They may be forgotten but they're never gone
You're that song thats constantly in my head
You're that calm that I feel while I rest in bed
You're those leaves dancing through the air
You're that breeze playing with my hair
When life has me down
and I think of you
I cannot help but fill up with glee
All those happy memories of you and me
So now that you've gone
Put your sails in the sky
We'll sail to the sunset
You and I
Love,
Your Mother and Father
-You have made us so proud. We may fight and scream, but we will always love you. You and your brother, mean the world to us. And you have affected us in ways that are incomprehensible. We only wish, and hope that in time that we will become half the person you are. A beautiful soul. Truly Bellus. We know that Sam and John are waiting up there for you with open arms, and they love you very much. We love you with all our hearts and remember things will always be forgotten, but they are never gone. Our love goes on forever. And we know that everytime we see a star in the sky, it's just you winking back at us with your brother, telling us everything is alright. We love you.
-Jason A. Bittner
well here it is
enjoy
-Jason