(no subject)
I didnt sleep well last night, once again I had so much on my friggin mind it was imposible to even atempt sleeping.
So it was like 5:30 in the morning and I decided to call leslie and we talked, im liking talking on the phone now...or maybe its only how I get any contact with her?
Idk
Anyways, I explained alot to her of how I feeling about shit....but everything I was scared and paranoid about just sounded stupid..and its like when I actually talked to her nothing bothered me.
And I felt stupid for even being sad, and not being asleep...and the only thing I felt bad for was waking her up.
It sucks her being gone, like it feels so shitty around here...like I dont know, it feels so empty and whats wierd she is just at pikeville college haha.
Everything has been making me so paranoid about her, im going crazy...I cant get it threw my head that she wants to be with me..or should wouldnt have taken me back 3 times.
Idk, the thought of losing her kills me..I think back on all the shit I did to her and im so lucky that she still loves me.
It honestly blows my mind when I think about it, no joke....I told her to her face I didnt love her and all this.
I was such a fuck tard, no joke thinking about the shit I honestly did to her makes me want to cry.
Dont get me wrong, everything right now is perfect...but if I would of only been better to her, I bet anything I wouldnt be worrying right now.
I just keep thinking she is not going to want the same guy for the rest of her life..I kept her threw most of high school...and I wanna continue to keep her.
Im just so worried she really wouldnt want that, I mean I have had my fun....I just dont want her to think the same way I did...I want her to learn from how I fucked up.
And the one thing that bothers me the most is when she does graduates..if she moves away.
of course I'd go with her...but what if I had to stay at pikeville to finish? and she had to go away?
That drives me crazy, I dont want to go that long and it not work.
I dont want her to leave, never.
but I still would want her too, even without me.
I still feel like I hold her down sometimes, I dont know but I just keep thinking she could do so much better.
Which is so fucking high school to be like that, but I cant help it.
Argh, I wanna talk to her... : (
I miss her.
with love,
aaron
So it was like 5:30 in the morning and I decided to call leslie and we talked, im liking talking on the phone now...or maybe its only how I get any contact with her?
Idk
Anyways, I explained alot to her of how I feeling about shit....but everything I was scared and paranoid about just sounded stupid..and its like when I actually talked to her nothing bothered me.
And I felt stupid for even being sad, and not being asleep...and the only thing I felt bad for was waking her up.
It sucks her being gone, like it feels so shitty around here...like I dont know, it feels so empty and whats wierd she is just at pikeville college haha.
Everything has been making me so paranoid about her, im going crazy...I cant get it threw my head that she wants to be with me..or should wouldnt have taken me back 3 times.
Idk, the thought of losing her kills me..I think back on all the shit I did to her and im so lucky that she still loves me.
It honestly blows my mind when I think about it, no joke....I told her to her face I didnt love her and all this.
I was such a fuck tard, no joke thinking about the shit I honestly did to her makes me want to cry.
Dont get me wrong, everything right now is perfect...but if I would of only been better to her, I bet anything I wouldnt be worrying right now.
I just keep thinking she is not going to want the same guy for the rest of her life..I kept her threw most of high school...and I wanna continue to keep her.
Im just so worried she really wouldnt want that, I mean I have had my fun....I just dont want her to think the same way I did...I want her to learn from how I fucked up.
And the one thing that bothers me the most is when she does graduates..if she moves away.
of course I'd go with her...but what if I had to stay at pikeville to finish? and she had to go away?
That drives me crazy, I dont want to go that long and it not work.
I dont want her to leave, never.
but I still would want her too, even without me.
I still feel like I hold her down sometimes, I dont know but I just keep thinking she could do so much better.
Which is so fucking high school to be like that, but I cant help it.
Argh, I wanna talk to her... : (
I miss her.
with love,
aaron